SCP-8482 - My Opinions Can Beat Up Your Opinions

Secure Containment Procedures: The building containing SCP-8482 has been obtained and repurposed into an office facility. Several layers of soundproofing have been installed around SCP-8482 and entry to SCP-8482 is to be cordoned off when not engaged in active testing. Investigations into the previous owners of SCP-8482 are ongoing, but have so far proved inconclusive.

Employees of the front company are discouraged from participating in SCP-8482 events as audience members outside of sanctioned testing of audience sizes. Written approval is required prior to any use of SCP-8482 by on-site personnel.

SCP-8482 is not to be used to resolve workplace disagreements without full authorization.

Description SCP-8482 is a large semi-circular debate chamber located in the basement of an abandoned office building in Athens, Greece. SCP-8482 consists of seven descending rows of pews around a central raised platform, on top of which are two rostrums spaced ten meters apart. Centered between these two stands is a three edged arena, with the edge facing the pews being open and lacking a guardrail.

SCP-8482's primary anomaly manifests when a debate is held within it. Once a debate has begun, a disembodied voice, designated SCP-8482-1, will auditorily manifest. SCP-8482-1 serves as both the debate facilitator and commentator on the actions of the two SCP-8482-2 instances. Following SCP-8482-1's manifestation, two entities, designated SCP-8482-2A and SCP-8482-2B respectively, will manifest in the arena in front of the rostrums. The appearances of these entities varies significantly, often appearing vaguely humanoid, but are heavily influenced by the concept of the argument that created them.

Once both SCP-8482-2 instances are fully manifested, SCP-8482-1 will begin by introducing the subject of the debate and naming the two -2 instances. At this point a buzzer will ring, and the two SCP-8482-2 instances will proceed to violently engage in hand-to-hand combat. The level of violence is directly proportional to the number of individuals in the audience.

The type of combat used by SCP-8482-2 is most aptly comparable to the combat style of Mixed Martial Arts paired with the theatricality and showmanship of American Professional Wrestling. The fight will typically begin relatively small, with brief exchanges of kick and punches before peeling apart, but will begin escalating rapidly after the third or fourth such bout. As the two entities begin escalating, they will often leave the ring entirely, treating the entire room as a larger arena, often resulting in significant damage to the room. As the combat continues, they will occasionally begin to produce various types of melee weapons and tools from within the wreckage of the room at large to use against one another.

While no means of directly interfering with SCP-8482-2 instances have been found, the individuals at the podiums are able to influence the direction and display of the fight by continuing to present arguments that strengthen their position. SCP-8482-1 will respond to these arguments by hyping up the respective SCP-8482-2 instance's next move, often resulting in significantly over-the-top performances as the arguments increasingly escalate the theatricality of the ongoing conflict.

So far, only two outcomes have been observed to follow the conclusion of combat. If the SCP-8482-2 instances are of roughly equal strength and skill, they will often end combat sportsmanly, shaking hands and appearing to converse before returning to their starting locations and demanifesting while the room begins to restore itself to its starting state. This outcome often has little to no effect on the individuals at the podiums, with most testers holding the same or slightly firmer level of conviction as they did previously, although in one instance the individuals in question were noted to have completely swapped sides after leaving the testing area.

The more common outcome occurs when one SCP-8482-2 instance is significantly stronger than the other. In this instance, the individual holding the losing belief will find it universally replaced with the victor's. The individual in question is unable to identify that such a change has taken place, maintaining they had always been on that side of the argument. This can occasionally result in a type of mental breakdown, if the restructured belief is significantly contradictory to the rest of the affected individual's worldview.

The strength of an SCP-8482-2 instance is based proportionally on the severity with which the one who generated it believes their opinion to be true. Firmly held beliefs result in much stronger SCP-8482-2s, while more apathetic opinions result in significantly weaker instances. The validity of an opinion has no bearing on the strength of the resulting manifestation. In fact, empirically false opinions tend to result in much stronger manifestations, due to the individual's inability to acknowledge prevalent contradicting evidence.

Addendum 8482-2: Notable Tests of SCP-8482

Date: February 22nd, 2022

Designation: Milton Milton
Statement: Dogs are better pets than cats.

8482-2A Description: A two meter tall bone-shaped chew toy with human arms and canine legs. A human face is situated on the top of the bone and squeaks every time it moves. It wears a collar attached to a leash with a bag of canine feces on the end that it uses as a weapon.

Designation: Althshe Poille
Statement: Cats are a more apt companion than dogs.

8482-2B Description: A two meter tall humanoid with feline face, ears and tail. Its body is covered in scratch marks, out of which protrude dozens of cat toy wands. Throughout the fight, it would rip these wands out of its flesh and attempt to use them as bludgeons.

Results: After roughly thirty minutes of combat, -A emerged victorious by deafening the -B instance with incredibly loud squeaks followed by repetitive pummeling with the leashed sack.

Notes: Poille went home to her cat and spent the next three weeks accidentally purchasing dog food instead of cat food, before going out and acquiring a cocker spaniel. Both pets now function in tandem, and no negative effects towards the cat were observed.

Date: July 7th, 2022

Designation: Myreem Lithua
Statement: The Earth is, obviously, round.

8482-2A Description: A green sphere with four human legs and no arms. The surface of its body is continually cracking and shifting, revealing a blue under layer that occasionally spurts liquid from between the cracks. Attacked via rolling.

Designation: Inguam Millast
Statement: Earth is flat.

8482-2B Description: A humanoid entity that appeared to be made of several hundred pieces of paper, folded into the rough shape of a body. Each paper had an incredibly detailed map of a different country. The instance was holding a broken telescope in one hand.

Results: -B used the telescope to great effect, heavily bludgeoning and damaging -A. As the fight progressed, -A proved unable to successfully fight back against -B, spurting liquid from more and more wounds until it was unable to move itself. The fight ended when -B unfolded itself and proceeded to envelop -A, subsuming it.

Notes: Lithua was notably an astrophysicist prior to this experiment. He spent the next several months developing a new systems of physics that would allow for two dimensional planets without impacting any other extant systems. After four months of this he suffered a mental breakdown, and was admitted to psychiatric care. After two months of care, and after being shown significant evidence, he was able to be convinced of the three-dimensional nature of the planet and was able to recover and return to work.

Date: May 17th, 2023

Designation: APRONIA.AIC
Statement: I believe that this test is a waste of time that I could better use elsewhere.

8482-2A Description: No entity manifested.

Designation: Sr. Research Crowe
Statement: This is a perfectly acceptable use of time and resources.

8482-2B Description: A humanoid entity with several large clocks attached to its hands, feet, knees, elbows, chest, and face. Beneath the clocks it is wearing an outfit that appeared to be made of hundreds of stapled together bills of over a dozen different currencies and denominations.

Results: As no -A entity manifested, no fight took place. SCP-8482-1 proceeded to subject listeners to a two hour rant about how "it took two people to fight" and "I swear nobody has any respect for the show these days" before -B punched itself in the face so hard it exploded.

Notes: No significant change of opinion was detected in either participant. While APRONIA.AIC did begrudgingly admit that test did result in new information, this was deemed to not be due to SCP-8482 itself. Test was deemed conclusive, further testing of non-human intelligences has been deemed unnecessary.

Date: October 6, 2023

Forward: Lauren Sporaltz and Hillana Melchich were co-workers at the SCP-8482 front site who would often get into arguments over which of two common carbonated beverages was superior. After several months of increasingly escalating conflicts over such a mundane issue, another coworker suggested that they settle the argument "in the ring." Approval was tentatively granted after both individuals expressed a desire to see the result.

Designation: Lauren Sporaltz
Statement: Coca Cola is the superior beverage.

8482-2A Description: A two meter tall can of Cherry Coca Cola with human arms and legs. A stream of liquid down its front flows into the shape of a human face taking up roughly half its body.

Designation: Hillana Melchich
Statement: Pepsi is much better than Cola.

8482-2B Description: A two meter tall can of Pepsi with human arms and legs. A stream of liquid down its front flows into the shape of a human face taking up roughly half its body.

Results: After roughly two minutes of hand-to-hand, the two instances separated. They circled each other for another few seconds, before charging back into each other. Rather than continue combat, the two instances each popped open the other's tab, then began kissing in a large puddle of soda froth. This continued for over half an hour until all the froth had dissipated, at which point the two entities waved goodbye and returned to their starting locations, dematerializing. The puddle of froth did not dematerialize with them.

Notes: Interviews with the participants afterwards revealed that their excessive arguments over which beverage was superior were "a bit," and they both thought "both drinks just taste the same." Further use of SCP-8482 outside of sanctioned testing is prohibited.

Addendum 2-8482: Record of Attempted Semi-Paradoxical Test

Date: July 17th, 2025

Forward: The following test was proposed as a way to test the effects of SCP-8482 on the semi-paradoxical event that both individuals would enter SCP-8482 with the belief they would lose the debate. As the strength of an SCP-8482-2 instance is proportional to the strength of belief an individual has, the more each individual attempted to lose, the stronger and therefore more likely to win their manifested SCP-8482-2 instance would become.

Testing Individuals: Researchers Tolme & Costanza

[BEGIN LOG]

Researchers Tolme and Costanza make their way to the podium, with Tolme taking the left rostrum and Costanza the right. Twenty-four individuals take various seats within the audience in order to view and record the event from multiple perspectives. Tolme and Costanza make sure everyone is situated before beginning.

Tolme: I am going to lose this debate.

Costanza: I am going to lose this debate.

A deep bell is heard.

SCP-8482-1: WHO'S READY FOR THE FIGHT OF A CENTURY‽

A cheer emanates from nowhere, three audience members join in.

SCP-8482-1: WE'VE GOT AN ABSOLUTE DOOZY OF AN EVENT FOR YOU TODAY, FOLKS; TODAY'S WINNER WILL TAKE HOME A BRAND NEW WORLDVIEW AND A BLOODY NOSE! WHAT EXCITEMENT!

More cheering is heard.

SCP-8482-1: LET'S INTRODUCE OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY! IN THE RED CORNER, WE HAVE THE FEARSOME FISACO OF FALCONIA!

The cheering continues.. On Tolme's side of the arena SCP-8482-2A begins to manifest, taking the form of a three meter tall gaunt humanoid in a jester costume. On one hand is a pair of brass knuckles with "LOSER" written across the knuckles. The knuckles immediately fall to the ground as the instance is unable to lift them. It attempts to pick them up, before slipping and falling, revealing that it is wearing two sticks of butter strapped to the bottom of each foot.

SCP-8482-1: AND IN THE BLUE CORNER, HERE ALL THE WAY FROM DISATORATORIA, THE DREADED SCHLEMIEL SEAL!

On Costanza's side of the arena, SCP-8482-2B manifests as a roughly one meter tall seal with four human arms in place of flippers. The seal is wearing a tutu and each arm is holding a long pool noodle. It waves the pool noodles at the audience, hitting itself in the face repeatedly, before attempting to stand on its tail, flopping forward with a loud splat.

SCP-8482-1: LET THE BATTLE……. BEGIN!

A bell rings, -B slams its tail against the ground, launching itself forward and striking -A with three of the pool noodles, sending it stumbling back. -A retaliates by kicking out at -B, hitting its face and sending it spinning as molten butter trails down its body. It attempts to stop its spin by stabbing the pool noodles into the ground, but they are unable to gain traction due to the butter and -B crashes into the side of the ring.

SCP-848202: AND WE'RE OFF TO A STRONG START! THE SCHLEMIEL ATTEMPTS TO GAIN AN ADVANTAGE BUT THE FIASCO COMES OUT AHEAD WITH A RUTHLESS COUNTERATTACK! WHAT WILL THE DREADED SEAL DO NEXT!

-B pinwheels rapidly, scrambling to face -A again. It slams all four of the noodles into the ground, using them as a stand to fling itself once more into -A. While in the air it begins to rotate rapidly, before striking -A in the face with its tail. -A sails through the air before landing on its feet and continuing to slide backwards due to the excess butter until it careens into the opposite wall.

SCP-8482-1: AND THE SEAL RETALIATES WITH THE SPRINGBOARD SPIN, I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT PULLED OFF SINCE THE SIXTIES, WHAT A MATCH! BETTER GET YOUR DUCT TAPE OUT FOLKS, I THINK WERE ABOUT TO SEE THINGS THAT HAVE NEVER BEFORE SEEN BY MORTAL EYES!

-A pulls itself from the rubble of the wall. It begins to skate in a circle around -B on its butter skates, getting faster and faster until it is visibly just a blur. -B attempts to strike it with the noodles but repetitively misses, continuing to damage the floor as it flails about unsuccessfully. Continuing to circle, -A kicks the set of brass knuckles that are still lying on the ground. The knuckles fly into the air, ricocheting off two walls before sailing high above the arena.

SCP-8482-1: So, Tolme, tell me, why do you think you're going to lose this debate today?

Tolme: Shit, uhm, uhhh… Well I haven't prepared any arguments or gathered any evidence to support my position. That's gotta count for something, right?

SCP-8482-1: That is some solid reasoning. Let's see if it plays out as THE FIASCO SEEMS TO BE GOING FOR IT! THE FALLING STAR OF DESTRUCTION IS IN THE AIR, WILL IT LAND OR WILL THE SEAL SURVIVE? HE'S STILL FLOPPING ABOUT LIKE A FISH, THIS COULD BE THE END FOR THE SCHLEMIEL SEAL!

-A jumps high into the air above the falling brass knuckles. Everything in the room slows slightly as it raises its leg to strike down on the knuckles. It hits the knuckles and there is a small explosion as they are propelled towards the ground.

Costanza: Wait! Not preparing anything to help you lose the debate is, in and of itself, preparing to lose the debate! Your argument counteracts itself!

The falling knuckles blur towards the ground and impact -B, resulting in a massive cloud of smoke and debris.

SCP-8482-1: A strong counterargument from Costanza! But WILL IT BE ENOUGH? OR IS THIS THE END OF THE SCHLEMIEL SEAL‽

The smoke clears, revealing -B sunk into the floor of the arena. It holds aloft three of the noodles, pushing back against the steaming brass knuckles as they continue to spin and push downwards. -B bleats with effort, bringing the fourth noodle up to defend with the other three and successfully repelling the knuckles, flinging them across the room.

SCP-8482-1: HE'S DONE IT, THE SEAL HAS DEFENDED AGAINST THE FALLING STAR OF DESTRUCTION, HE'S BACK IN THE GAME!

Costanza: Yes! ….Wait shit no I'm trying to lose. Fuck!

-A reaches up and pulls two bells off of its jester hat. The bells grow to full size kettlebells in its hands, and it enters a fighting stance. -B brings its hands together, and the pool noodles fuse into a singular noodle, over six meters in length. It raises the longnoodle above its head and lets out a bleat of challenge.

SCP-8482-1: AND THE SEAL HAS CHALLENGED THE FIASCO TO ROUND TWO, NO HOLDS BARRED, NO LIMITS, NO RESTRICTIONS! IT'S STILL ANYONE'S GAME, NOW FIGHT!

-B strikes downwards with its noodle, -A knocks it away and charges towards -B, brandishing its kettlebells and rushing in for a punch. Just before it makes contact, -B strikes the ground with its tail, sending a flurry of woodchips into -A's face. -A stumbles, but the butter skates allow it to keep its momentum and it swings one kettlebell into -B's face at full force. -B is send flying into the arena wall, which collapses in its entirety.

SCP-8482-1: OOOOOH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURT! WHAT A BLOW! BUT IS IT ENOUGH TO PUT THE SEAL DOWN FOR GOOD‽

-B climbs back to its tail, spitting out a mouthful of bloody teeth. It begins to bounce up and down, slamming its tail into the ground with each impact, rising slightly higher each time. It unleashes a final slap, sending its body high into the air. While in midair, it splits the noodle in two, one of which splits apart further into pieces resembling a pair of nunchucks. It begins to swirl the pool-chucks as it point the noodle downward and begins to descend over -A.

SCP-8482-1: So, Costanza, what's your reasoning behind why you think you'll lose today's debate? You had an excellent rebuttal to Tolme's earlier arguments, but how about support for your own?

Costanza: Well, for one thing, I happen to know that Tolme was a member of debate club back in secondary school. She clearly has more experience than me, which means she'd be able to easily beat me.

Tolme: How the fuck do you know that.

Costanza: I came prepared.

SCP-8482-1: Now there's some compelling evidence. I for one am fairly convinced by it. BUT WILL IT BE ENOUGH TO SEND THE SEAL TO VICTORY‽

-B falls towards the floor where -A is standing. -A gets back into a fighting stance, preparing to counter the falling strike.

Tolme: If you think about it, me being more skilled at debating means I should more easily know exactly how to lose. Since I've had more time to study.

SCP-8482-1: Kinda weak as far as defenses go. Frankly not very compelling.

-B collides with -A, sending up another cloud of smoke and debris. The smoke clears, revealing the pool noodle sticking through the shoulder of -A, blood dripping down its arm and pooling on the floor. One kettlebell is shattered and the other is wrapped in the pool nunchucks.

SCP-8482-1: AND IT WASN'T ENOUGH, THE DREADED SEAL STRIKES A DEVASTATING BLOW AGAINST OUR RESIDENT FALCONIAN! BUT WAIT, I DON'T THINK IT'S QUITE OVER YET FOLKS, THE FIASCO STILL HAS SOME FIGHT LEFT IN HER!

-A wrenches the noodle out of its shoulder, sending -B skidding away as it tosses them both to the side. It howls as it grabs the pieces of its shattered kettlebell and begins shoveling them into its mouth. It continues to scream as shards of metal begin to push itself out of the skin on its hands. -B charges into it and -A twirls and backhands it out of the arena. -B crashes into the first two rows of pews, throughly demolishing them. The audience scrambles out of the way and rushes to the back wall.

SCP-8482-1: OOOOO THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING! IT LOOKS LIKE THE FEARSOME FIASCO IS GETTING READY TO END THINGS! BUT IS THE SCHLEMIEL SEAL GOING TO TAKE THIS LYING DOWN‽

-B stabs its noodles into the wreckage of the pews and wiggles them around. It pulls them out, revealing that they are now covered in wooden splinters. It swings them over its heading, showering the area with chips and bleating aggressively.

SCP-8482-1: NO SHE IS NOT! WE'RE OFF BOOKS AT THIS POINT FOLKS! ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, ANYONE COULD DIE, NOTHING IS SET IN STONE! LET THE NEXT ROUND COMMENCE!

-A leaps out of the area towards -B. It swings one of its shard-encrusted fists at -B, but -B blocks it with one of its noodles. The clash showers the area with more wooden splinters and glass shards. -B swings a second noodle at -A. -A jumps up, using its butter skate to slide off the noodle and spin in midair, kicking -B in the face with its other foot. -B reels back, more blood dripping from its mouth as it strikes back with the two remaining noodles, sending -A crashing away.

SCP-8482-1: WHAT A BOUT! BOTH FIGHTERS DOING THEIR ABSOLUTE BEST TO PUT THE OTHER DOWN! BLOOD IS SPILLING, TEETH ARE BEING SPAT, THE CARNAGE IS UNSTOPPABLE!

-B discards two of its remaining noodles. It reaches down with its two now-empty hands and hefts a pew out of the rubble. -B spins, rotating twice before striking -A with the pew, sending it sailing backwards into the far wall. Out of the wreckage, -A flings the remaining kettlebell at -B. -B attempts to block, but the kettlebell smashes through, shattering the pew and crumpling one of its remaining noodles before slamming into its chest at high speed. -B bleats in pain and charges forward, swinging its noodle down, but -A skates out of the way just before the strike lands. Both of them continue to trade blows, until -A kicks out, using the momentum to glide away on its skates.

Costanza: I've got it, I'll lose this debate by trying to win this debate!

SCP-8482-1: An interesting strategy to be sure, losing to win? I must say, how did you figure the logic behind that one?

-B pulls the kettlebell out of its chest. It reaches up and attaches the bell to the end of its last noodle. It begins to spin the noodle rapidly.

Costanza: See, if my goal is to lose the debate, and my argument is that I will lose the debate, then by winning the debate I will in fact be losing the debate, by disproving my own argument!

-B continues to spin the noodle until the kettlebell on the end begins to visibly blur.

Tolme: I, wait… what? That's not how that works, is it?

SCP-8482-1: I have no idea what's happening right now but it LOOKS LIKE THE SCHLEMIEL SEAL IS WINDING UP FOR A FINISHER! CAN THE FIASCO DEFEND AGAINST HER OWN WEAPON AFTER LOSING ALL HER OTHERS‽

-B charges towards -A, -A charges to meet it. They both rush towards each other, meeting at the center of the room, upending pews along the way.

Costanza: YES! GO!

Tolme: What is happening right now?

SCP-8482-1: THE FINAL CONFRONTATION! EVERYTHING RESTS ON THIS ONE MOMENT! WHO WILL BE VICTORIOUS!

Time slows as -B swings the kettlebell. -A attempts to counterattack with its fists, but it is not fast enough. Everyone in the room is holding their breath.

The kettlebell impacts -A's head with a resounding gong. -A crumples to the floor, defeated.

SCP-8482-1: AND HE'S DONE IT! THE DREADED SCHLEMIEL SEAL HAS EMERGED VICTORIOUS! HE'S WON IT ALL! FAME! GLORY! RETROSPECTION! A NEW OUTLOOK ON LIFE! HE'S UNSTOPPABLE!

-B reaches down with one hand and helps -A to its feet. They shake hands, and walk back to the arena together. -B hands -A the remaining kettlebell and -A reattaches it to its hat. They separate, returning to their starting positions and begin to dematerialize. The room begins to restore itself.

SCP-8482-1: WHEW, WHAT AN ADVENTURE THAT WAS! DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER WORLD-CHANGING BOUT! UNTIL THE NEXT CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

SCP-8482-1 dematerializes with a popping sound. The room continues to repair itself until it is returned to normal. Tolme and Corstanza make their way off the stage and join the audience as they file their way out of the room.

[END LOG]

NOTES: Despite her loss, no apparent change of opinion was detectable within Researcher Tolme. Current hypothesis is that rather than altering her to result in "Corstanza will lose this battle," it instead altered her original position of "I will lose this debate" to Corstanza's "I will lose this debate." As this statement is grammatically and syntactically the same statement, it resulted in functionally no difference between the two. Further testing of this phenomenon is under consideration once more applicable topics can be identified.