If you've ever been victimized by Vikander-Kneed Technical Media, you may be entitled to compensation.
If so, we're here to tell you that you're not alone!
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Here at Vikander-Kneed Technical Media, we're here to acknowledge our past mistakes. We've come to accept that not everyone will feel that our products and productions have left a positive impact in their lives.
Since coming to terms with reality, and with the fickle nature of our clientele, we've since launched the Vikander-Kneed Technical Media Memorial Foundation, for the purpose of recognizing and remembering those who we have touched in unwanted and negative ways.
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Here at Vikander-Kneed Technical Media, we're here to acknowledge our past mistakes. We've come to accept that not everyone will feel that our products and productions have left a positive impact in their lives.
Since coming to terms with reality, and with the fickle nature of our clientele, we've since launched the Vikander-Kneed Technical Media Memorial Foundation, for the purpose of recognizing and remembering those who we have touched in unwanted and negative ways.
Could YOU be a Victim??
The following is the exhaustive criteria defining an individual entitled to refer to themself as a "Victim of VKTM". If you're one of the lucky few, we advise that you remind yourself of this fact whenever you find yourself believing that your life could not get worse.
If you have viewed, utilized, or otherwise interacted with a VKTM Product or Broadcast that has caused you mental distress, including but not limited to:
- Unrelenting despair;
- Feeling of being watched when alone;
- Self-hatred;
- Suicidal thoughts, ideation, attempts, and/or completion thereof;
- Hallucinations of a visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory, or tactile nature (all other hallucinations are not currently recognized by the Victims of VKTM Memorial Foundation);
- Cotard's Delusion;
- Development of phobias, including (but not limited to) emetophobia, technophobia, plutophobia, autodysomophobia, alethophobia, ergophobia, medorthophobia, nucleomituphobia, and daevinostophobia;
- Spontaneous marriage to Dr. William W. Wettle.
If you have viewed, utilized, or otherwise interacted with a VKTM Product or Broadcast that has caused you physical harm, including but not limited to:
- Disease;
- Dismemberment;
- Compulsory self-harm (Please consult Chapter 18 § 1344 of the "Victims of VKTM Official Legal Handbook" for the full list of acts under the category of "self-harm");
- Removal of Organ(s) (Regardless of removal method);
- Disfigurement;
- Internal-External Inversion;
- Transmogrification of Blood, Phlegm, Yellow Bile, or Black Bile;
- Untimely death.
If you have found yourself becoming sexually (or otherwise) aroused while listening to Mistress Madeline's radio broadcast.
If you have found yourself becoming sexually (or otherwise) aroused while viewing, utilizing, or otherwise interacting with any other VKTM Product or Broadcast.
If you have experienced job loss, legal charges, and/or physical retaliation for actions taken at the direction of Mistress Madeline.
If you have been amnesticized as a result of viewing, utilizing, or otherwise interacting with a VKTM Product or Broadcast.
AND/OR
- If you have utilized a device (electronic or otherwise) capable of facilitating an interaction with any VKTM Product or Broadcast within the past 6 months.
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Not sure if you qualify?
For your convenience, we have included a list of all individuals known to qualify for identification as a Victim of VKTM.
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In an effort to assist those who have been harmed, we have recently introduced the Victims of VKTM Memorial Fund.
This is a way for those whose lives we have touched inappropriately to receive monetary compensation for their pain, suffering, irreparable injury, legal consequences, legal expenses, emotional damages, lost wages, and/or death.
Please fill out the form below if you believe you may be entitled to compensation as part of the Victims of VKTM Memorial Fund:
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VoVKTMMF Compensation Inquiry Form V3.2.6
First Name: Enter first name…
Last Name: Enter last name…
Middle Initial: Enter M/I…
Reason for Compensation:
Enter reason for compensation (listed above). If seeking compensation for "removal of organ(s), please list those that have been removed; if seeking compensation for a phobia, please list the phobia; if seeking compensation for "transmogrification of blood/phlegm/yellow bile/black bile", please include information regarding which humor is currently unbalanced (a doctors note is required for this reason to be considered valid)…
Are you seeking compensation for a reason NOT listed above? Yes: ▣ No: □
Provide Rationale:
Please enter your most effective argument for why you believe yourself to be entitled to compensation (Written in a friendly, semi-professional manner; "debate bros" will be rejected. Answer must be 450 words or longer)…
Please allow 1-9 business days for processing prior to receipt of funds.
REQUEST SUBMITTED
Item#: 9095
Level2
Containment Class:
keter
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
keneq
Risk Class:
notice
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES:
Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor the internet for instances of SCP-9095. Located instances are to be taken down once data from applications submitted to the "Victims of VKTM Memorial Fund" has been extracted. The SCP Foundation's Division of Accounting is to be advised of each these instances and has been instructed to flag and report any suspicious or unplanned account withdrawals.
DESCRIPTION:
SCP-9095 is an anomalous website, titled "Victims of VKTM Memorial Foundation", presumably originating from and maintained by Vikander-Kneed Technical Media (GOI-5889). SCP-9095 can be taken offline with no unusual difficulty, but, since its discovery, a new iteration has reliably been identified within 5-10 days of removal. No infohazardous properties have been observed, but there is evidence that accessing the site may cause an individual to become more open to suggestion, more trusting of the site's legitimacy, and more likely to share it with others; therefore suggesting a mild cognitohazardous or memetic effect.
The site purports to act as a memorial for all individuals who have been, quote, "touched in unwanted and negative ways" by VKTM (referred to as a "Victim of VKTM" within SCP-9095 instances). However, the criteria used to define an aforementioned "Victim of VKTM" is notably vague, and its breadth unnecessarily wide; to the point at which it encapsulates approximately 92.91% of the human population. A list of these individuals is apparently included, yet allegedly cannot be displayed due to "device limitation issues".
In addition, a "Victims of VKTM Memorial Fund" is also advertised on the site, stating that all individuals meeting the criteria to be considered a "Victim of VKTM" are entitled to compensation. This compensation is known to range anywhere between $1.25 and $1,100,100.50, with the amount received having no correlation with the severity of the claim. Despite the illegitimate appearance of both the SCP-9095 website and its online advertisements, testing has determined that those who fill out the included application form do, in fact, receive compensation within the 1-9 business day waiting period. Notably, recipients (designated SCP-9095-1) will still receive compensation, despite the application containing no field for the input of an address, nor one for the input of payment information.
In all known instances, compensation received by SCP-9095-1 instances had been directly transferred from at least one SCP Foundation bank account.
Year-to-date, the Foundation has lost approximately $
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to "compensation" for SCP-9095-1 instances.