DATE: 2022/07/22/
FROM: William Storgård <tni.pcs|draagrotsmailliw#tni.pcs|draagrotsmailliw>
TO: Josef Hjelte <tni.pcs|rodnocfesoj#tni.pcs|rodnocfesoj>
SUBJECT: Early Retirement
Hello Josef. I apologize for your future inconvenience. But by the time you read this, I have fucked off. Sorry again, but if I have to do this job any longer, I am afraid that there will be nothing left of me. And if I ask to be reassigned, I am probably going to get something worse. So, because of our shared camaraderie, I have decided to give you some clarity on why I left. Attached below, I have put my final edit of SCP-9218 and the surveillance logs I was listening to while editing. Below that is a message that is likely the last you will ever hear from me. Hopefully, that is enough for you to forgive me. Sorry dude, I hope we are still good enough friends for you to wish me good luck.
- I do not envy you the ordeal.
Item#: 9218
Level2
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
thaumiel
Disruption Class:
keneq
Risk Class:
caution
Picture taken from Agent Wyatt Constantin's bodycam in the middle of a Way-transition into SCP-9218.
Special Containment Procedures: The City Council within SCP-9218 is to maintain, at a minimum, a 30% presence of Foundation employees within its administration and bureaucracy. Failure to maintain this presence will result in imposed forced layoffs until the requirements are met. All Foundation personnel are reminded to vote in the upcoming city election; failure to do so will be considered a disciplinary infraction.
All candidates running for office within SCP-9218 must be vetted by ATF Gamma-12 "Norgesgruppen" and pass a complete mental evaluation before being allowed to run. Any candidates running without Foundation approval are to be subjected to standard sub-veil disinformation campaigns to lower their chances of winning. In the event that a non-Foundation-approved candidate wins a race to a position within City Council, MTF-Rho-12 "Infinite headshots" is to be called in to terminate the subject and manufacture evidence of the attack being carried out by hostile GOIs.
Each non-Foundation employee at the Foundation front companies that operate within SCP-9218 is to be subjected to procedure "SNILL GUTT" as a part of the onboarding process. Foundation front companies are to comprise the majority of workplaces within SCP-9218. Failure to maintain this majority must be countered with buyouts, mergers, and the conversion of competitors into Foundation assets.
Surveillance Log 14: 12th July 2022.
Location: Alleyway in Fylkesdal.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
It's an image depicting a forest filtered through the geist of the free port.
Subject 2:
So, what a forest would have looked like if it existed in here?
Subject 1:
Yeah, exactly!
Subject 2:
Well, that's like, dumb, or stupid, or fucking, like vapid. It's quaint. There's no way it could exist here, and there is no way it would look like that if it did.
Subject 1:
Aw, don't be like that. Like you would know what a forest here would look like anyway. That's like the point anyway, there can't be a forest here, so here it is. A fake one. Plus, it's like a contrast when you look at this, you think like "ah damn, shit that's true, there is no greenery here", like that's a cool feeling to invoke. Isn't it?
Subject 2:
I got three points to that. One, frankly, I don't think your artwork is needed to evoke that feeling. Two, the fact that you need to infuse noospheric-semiotic signs into your image in order to impart the intended effect onto the observer is kinda telling. Don't you think? Like it should be beneath you to use tricks like that on an artwork like this. It doesn't need it anyways, the meaning it's trying to impart is pretty obvious. It comes across as insecure. Third, do you know why plants are green?
Subject 1:
Fuck me, man, you are being like really harsh. No, I don't know why plants are green. Inform me.
Subject 2:
Plants are green because of photosynthesis. There is no fucking sun here.
ATF Gamma-12 is tasked with maintaining surveillance and is to detain and interrogate any unauthorised personnel using alternate entrances to SCP-9218, rather than the standard subway entrance. The apprehended personnel are then to be released in accordance with the standard "Catch-and-release" protocols. The subway entrance is to be staffed entirely by members of ATF Gamma-12. And all exits used by inhabitants are to be logged.
All social services found within SCP-9218 are to be accessible only to beings who have been registered onto the Site-85 residential archive and then received their "AO-ID" card from the "Free Port Administrative Centre". All citizens of SCP-9218 are to be incentivized through social pressure and light memetic conditioning to encourage registration for all new arrivals.
Foundation personnel are to be reminded not to interfere with any GOIs' activities within SCP-9218, barring approval from Site Director Johan Erlingson. They are otherwise encouraged to act as they would in other Free Ports.
Maintenance of SCP-9218-1 should be performed every two years at a minimum, and as needed otherwise. Maintenance should be performed only by the Foundation front, Subways, Cars and Propellers, or other Foundation-approved companies. The instance of SCP-9218-1 that is being serviced is to be suspended in the air while maintenance is ongoing.
Surveillance Log 15: 12th July 2022.
Location: On the platform of Katedraldal station.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
Wyllis has become a significant issue for us.
Subject 2:
Explain.
Subject 1:
He is calling himself the "Human foot guy". I dislike this.
Subject 2:
You should not let such things affect you.
Subject 1:
Why should I ignore it? It is weird. It reeks of anthro-chauvinism and internalised faecism. Why this fixation on human feet? Why are fae feet not enough?
Subject 2:
I think you are overthinking it. He could be fetishising them, but this does not mean that he is anti-fey or something. You should stop caring about this.
Subject 1:
But that is not a good outcome either! You should not fetishise other people. That is weird. Either way, it is unusual that he calls himself that, and he should stop.
Subject 2:
I am not sure. It is strange to police what other people call themselves. If the humans considered his behaviour problematic, they would address it, yet they do not. It's not our job to curtail all odd behaviour from all the fae living here. If he did something coercive or cruel, I would agree with you, but all he does is be a creepy paypig on social media, hardly a crime that warrants having something "done" to you. And we are not much better. If a human were calling themselves the "fae wings guy", it would be beneath our concern, correct? Therefore, you should stop caring about what Wyllis does.
Subject 1:
Yes, in your hypothetical, it would be, but that is quite different. I would think that your hypothetical person had good taste. That one just went right by us. Amazing.
Subject 2:
That was a supply tram. Our carriage arrives in 4 minutes. But that is my point. You are viewing humans as others, who have no agency, but if they had a problem with him, they would act against him, and if he was being weirdly self-loathing, we would act, but so far, he is only indulging in his fetish sparingly through Void DMs, so it is not a problem.
Subject 1:
What is it about human feet that would captivate a man like Wyllis?
Subject 2:
The smell.
Subject 1:
He can not smell through a photo.
Subject 2:
He is looking at the photo and imagining the smell.
Subject 1:
Fuck.
All Foundation employees with a background from SCP-9218 should be exposed to CogHazCompound-NO72 in order to minimise feelings of betrayal before being exposed to information found within this document.
Average life satisfaction within SCP-9218 is to be maintained at a minimum level of 7.3 following the IFWBS. A study on life satisfaction within SCP-9218 is to be conducted biannually, with appropriate measures being taken if life satisfaction has dropped to below minimum standards.
Description: SCP-9218 is the nexus known as FP-32, better known as "Adjacent-Oslo," a Free Port designated nexus that is currently under the covert administration of The SCP Foundation, and consists of a network of subway stations and tunnels connected to each other, located in an extradimensional space anchored to Oslo, Norway.
Surveillance Log 16: 12th July 2022.
Location: Back of building four, first floor in Breddestad.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 4
Subject 1:
So I am thinking what the fuck, right? I have never been to a free port.
Subject 2:
Right.
Subject 1:
So, when I got offered this assignment, I thought, "What the hell, Daphne, might as well go for it." And it has been cool, I have to admit, not exactly what I signed up for, but hey, nothing ever is.
Subject 2:
Hear Hear. It's cheap here too. It's a good place to relax, and I am making money here, which is not what I signed up for, but given my last two assignments, I won't complain.
Subject 1:
Absolutely, and I am going to be a great cook once I am done he-
Subject 3:
Fuck, Fuck, God fucking dammit. Those Grand Wizards at the S-SCP Klandation have struck again.
Subject 2:
Whoa, chef. What's going on?
Subject 3:
Those fucks at the new Spicy Crust have just launched a 3-for-1 pizza offer for students. I can't believe it, I just. This is insane! Fucking psychological warfare.
Subject 4:
Ok? Why do we give a shit?
Subject 1:
Yeah, of course. You wouldn't know.
Subject 4:
The fuck? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Subject 3:
It means she thinks you are slow. Daphne, stop. That sort of petty shit belongs at the Klandation. We are all about solidarity here.
Subject 1:
Alright, fine. Yes sir.
Subject 3:
The reason we care, Robert, is that this is a direct insult. This looks, at first, like a petty tactic to try to lure customers, get them through the door, and then hope they make up the cost on other goods. It won't work, and they know that. The offer is inherently unprofitable, you have to sell a lot of breadsticks and drinks in order to make up for 2 pizzas. And given the prices listed, it's just no way. You can't make that money back. It's instead a message, stating that they know we are CI, that we are so poor that our fronts actually have to go into the green to stay open, they are flaunting their money in front of us and telling us that we can go fuck ourselves. Students are among our top 3 customer groups. They are fucking us about as badly as themselves with this, and they are fine with it. More than fine with it.
Subject 2:
I knew that calling this place Classic Italics was incredibly dumb.
Subject 3:
Shut It. It's a fantastic name for a font-themed pizzeria. If we tried to call it something else, we would have never been taken seriously.
Subject 4:
How do we know that they know, though? It could just be a new promo thing to get their front started. Establish a presence.
Subject 3:
There were at least 3 Foundation fronts in this plaza alone before today. Then a Spicy Crust Pizzeria opens directly across the plaza from our joint and immediately launches a campaign that is guaranteed to lose them money. This was clearly done to let us know that they know.
Subject 1:
Should we inform the port authority?
Subject 3:
About what? The fronts? I doubt they would care; The Foundation pays rent like anybody else. No, what we should do is get ready. They can always spend more, so we have to do better. We open in about 15, so Daphne go get the oven ready, Diego check the inventory, and Robert go out, check with Erik, make sure that everything is ok in the front. Let's get active people. They know we are here, they see themselves forced to spend money to deal with us. That means something.
The stations and tunnels have varying architectural features with few commonalities. All stations have signs containing information typically found at a subway station. Common elements include subway lines serving the station, arrival times, and directions to tunnels or bathrooms. The information is provided in Norwegian, with translations into a selection of other languages available nearby. Those other languages are Arabic, English, Spanish, Chinese and a pictographic language presumably created by the original creators of SCP-9218.
There are also maps showing which nearby stations any given station is connected to. In addition, all subway tunnels found within SCP-9218 maintain a consistent height and width. There are always at least three bathrooms in any given station. The bathrooms are almost never consistent in their aesthetic with the surrounding station.
The stations also have a tunnel that connects to a large hollowed-out space, typically bigger than the station itself. All stations are also seemingly powered by the trains, with power and plumbing being shut off if the trains are forced to stop. The three central stations also contain a stable Way that leads to Oslo, Norway. Nødutgangsland also includes a subway that connects to a Way leading to a formerly out-of-use subway station that used to teleport into various nexuses; it is now anchored to LoI-7734.
Surveillance Log 17: 12th July 2022.
Location: At the Plaza column in Inngangsland.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 3
Subject 1:
Do you think we will get reprimanded?
Subject 2:
Nah, they'll understand.
Subject 3:
I dunno, it's a bit iffy. It's a bit eeeh, you know.
Subject 2:
What, are you chickening out?
Subject 1:
Don't. Come on. It's going to be fine. Forget I said anything.
Subject 2:
In addition, the reason I know we won't get reprimanded is that they go there too. Everyone goes. So it's fine.
Subject 3:
But doesn't it strike you as kind of immoral to support the CI?
Subject 2:
We are supporting them with what? 60-80 bucks? That's nothing. That's a rounding error. Besides, if they, for some reason, do reprimand us. It will still be worth it. They will give us what? Like a stern talking to?
Subject 3:
Ah, yeah. You're right. Man, ever since I ate there, I have been dreaming about that place. You're right, let's go for it. We will set up a front nearby just to fuck with them later to make up for it. That Police De Caractères Sans-Serif pie with the kerning sauce has permanently embedded itself into my skull.
Subject 2:
For me, it was the bolded Occulta-style pizza. They are doing Occult magic on that sauce. Those ultra-light breadsticks are also delicious.
Subject 1:
What front are we going to set up, another restaurant?
Subject 2:
That was just a joke. We don't need another front in that area yet. We just set up one like two days ago.
Subject 3:
I was serious. Maybe not yet, but we should definitely have some fronts ready to go. I was thinking of an art dealership, Sander & Patricia's Collection.
Subject 2:
Probably shouldn't be talking about this in public. How about another restaurant, a sandwich place? SubCP. Oh, oh, or a haunted-house themed escape room, SCreamP? Ice cream place? IcecreamP.
Subject 1:
Fuck you. I am eating you if we don't go soon. Let's go, let's go.
Subject 3:
Are we walking?
Subject 1:
Yeah. Of course. The exercise will be good for us.
SCP-9218 has a node-based layout. In the centre, there are three large stations and adjacent spaces designated as the central stations, with the leftmost serving as the administrative seat for SCP-9218. These central stations are connected by 2 subway lines and a tunnel each, with an additional line and tunnel leading out from each. These lead to other stations, which then serve as a node for a further three stations. One of these three stations then has an additional line that leads to a separate node, which consists of one station connected to three other stations. This pattern repeats throughout the entirety of SCP-9218.
The complete extent of SCP-9218 is unknown; the Foundation has mapped 70 nodes, and 53 are currently in use. Sonar and drone mapping indicate that the entire SCP-9218 network comprises 40,000 nodes, with additional connections seemingly terminating in a blank brick wall.
Each station's name is a toponym consisting of a Norwegian word followed by a suffix common to Norwegian toponyms, such as stad, land, eng, etc. Each word in the names found within a node is typically semantically linked with the others, while the selection of the suffix seems arbitrary.
The toponym usually has no bearing on the aesthetic style of the station that bears it; exceptions to this trend have been noted, such as the node containing the stations Elveland, Bekkeborg, Flodum, and Åum, all of which have pools of flowing water within their adjacent spaces.
Surveillance Log 18: 12th July 2022.
Location: Second Compartment, Kirkeborg-Tempelrike Subway.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
There is something captivating about the old virtues of chivalry and honour. Now, I am no conservative; my queerness would not be tolerated in many of the societies of old. But I must admit that something was lost with the onset of modernity; these old virtues seem to have fallen to the wayside, but must it be so?
Subject 2:
I am not sure. I might disagree with you. But this topic bores me. So, how have you adjusted to living in the AO so far?
Subject 1:
It has been surprisingly pleasant so far. I must admit that the lack of sunlight does not please me, but I have adapted remarkably well, I must think.
Subject 2:
The lack of sunlight is the omnipresent complaint, but would you believe it if I told you that it used to be much worse?
Subject 1:
No? Explain, please.
Subject 2:
We have these lights all around now, but they are quite new. Before, the only way to tell the time was through the clocks at some stations. Other than that, you had to use your phone or other device. The Port Authority decided this was annoying, so they set up bright constellation-like lights on the roofs of each station.
Subject 1:
How did the lights get there?
Subject 2:
They got there 2 years ago, during the first mayor's tenure. He decided to address the fact that living here made everyone feel time-blind. It was such a slog, everyone felt awful all the time. I remember the referendum; there was near-unanimous support for the measure. Ninety-six per cent voted for the lights. I can not imagine we will ever be in that much agreement again.
Subject 1:
There were people who disagreed?
Subject 2:
Yes, very few, but yes, and they had their reasons. There was a complaint about how we can vote to change the colour of the lights annually. The lights have a strong positive effect, but I admit I find this part quite a bit annoying.
Subject 1:
Why is that?
Subject 2:
About 6 months ago, one of the proposals for the colour of the lights was this awful bright red light, they named it neon crimson. There was strong support for it due to its perceived comedic value. It won narrowly against soft cyan. We all realised what a tremendous mistake had been made when the change happened. It was four days of wretched hell. Genuinely, the worst it has ever been here. Thankfully, a snap election was called before the end of the first week. It was so horrific, I remember floating out of my apartment and being immediately drenched in red light. Miserable. I was considering sleeping during the day and waiting until the lights went off because it was so horrific to exist during the day.
Subject 1:
I am pleased that I moved here later. Happy I missed that. That sounds unpleasant. That was six months ago? So the next election is in about six months from now. What do you want me to vote for?
Subject 2:
For the sake of your psyche, you should vote for dull white. If you have a tremendous amount of love for me, you will vote for soft yellow, and if you vote for harsh green or searing cyan, I will never forgive you.
Each station is serviced by trams designated SCP-9218-1. An instance of SCP-9218-1 arrives at each station every 5 minutes, with no deviation from this schedule unless forced to stop by obstructions or mechanical failures. SCP-9218-1 comes in a wide variety of styles but are all of the same height, width and length. They are all driven autonomously and appear to run on no fuel, with investigations unable to determine how the trains are powered.
The interiors of each instance vary widely, with some empty and others filled with a varying number of seats. If an instance of SCP-9218-1 becomes damaged enough, it will enter a dormant state until it is restored sufficiently. The exact amount of damage that an instance can tolerate before entering a dormant state is unclear and seems to vary from instance to instance. The same applies to the restoration required to make it operational. There is little congruence between the aesthetic style of an instance of SCP-9218-1 and the style of the stations that it services.
Surveillance Log 19: 12th July 2022.
Location: Middle of building sixteen, fourth floor in Fylkesdal.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
There is like a real, like blocky energy to this place. I want to make something utilising that, I think. Something like looming would be good.
Subject 2:
You are such a dull knife of a human being sometimes. Genuinely useless. You are so fucking miserable to be with sometimes.
Subject 1:
Okay, I am sorry. What did I do now? Please fucking tell me. I-
Subject 2:
I, I, me, I. " Wow, this place has such a blocky feeling", you think. What gave you that impression? Was it the rectangular subways we take to rectangular stations filled with square buildings? Maybe it's the square tunnels? It's so fucking surface-level. The entire way back here, I have had to listen to you moaning about me being such a bitch and being so critical of your work, and then we come home, and you immediately throw this nothing at my face. This facetious, puerile, slack-jawed garbage observation. There is no you in your art anymore. Just what do I feel, what do I think about this? And then cheap tricks to force that perception onto an audience. And it's been like this for months.
Subject 1:
I. I just. I. Fuck, fuck. Goddammit. Fuck.
Subject 2:
Don't cry. I wasn't even trying. Please don't cry, Sunrise. Please, I'm sorry.
Subject 1:
Ok, ok. It's fine. It's fine. I'm sorry, it's just. I'm fine.
Subject 2:
It's just, why are you like this now? You can do better, you used to do better, once.
Subject 1:
I dunno. You fucking with my vibes doesn't help. I guess, yeah, you are right, though. I haven't been right since dropping out, have I? Maybe.
Subject 2:
You can always enroll here. Iecksdim is pretty good, from what I have heard. It would be good for you to get your degree, get some inspiration, meet new people, learn new things.
Subject 1:
I dunno, I have never seen myself as a spatial artist, I have always been more of a meaning and emotion kinda guy.
Subject 2:
It could be good for you to explore new avenues. Plus, they have anart courses and I heard that their Memetics course is run by like a former high-ranking jailor, like a real jackboot demon type person. So you know they know their shit. It's not just spatial stuff there.
Subject 1:
Shit, really? What about rent? Or like costs or whatever?
Subject 2:
It's like a hundred bucks a semester, dude. And I'll cover rent, it's like nothing anyway. Don't worry about it.
Subject 1:
Can you afford it? I dunno, I don't wanna be like a burden.
Subject 2:
I make more than enough, dude. Don't think about it.
Subject 1:
Really? That internship pays well, then? Shit, I never asked about it. I must be a terrible boyfriend.
Subject 2:
No, you are not, and oh, you have no idea. It pays well enough. I am like about 70% sure I am working for something like really fascist, though, so I might find something else when I am finished.
Subject 1:
What do you mean by that?
Subject 2:
They got super jailor vibes. Like, they got that slight disdain towards their area of study that jailors typically have.
Subject 1:
Oh shit, do you think they are jailors? That would be crazy.
Subject 2:
I mean, probably, they have the vibe at least. Not that I care, I might look for something else, though, you know. Or maybe not, some of my coworkers make real fuck you cash though, I know that. We'll see.
Subject 1:
Oh shit, my sugar mommy is a SCP Foundation baddie. Lock me up.
Subject 2:
Don't ever say that again.
Subject 1:
Ok. Sorry.
SCP-9218 was accidentally discovered on October 24th, 2012, by Jr. Researcher Amara Bint Abdul while exploring Oslo shortly after moving there. After a preliminary expedition by Abdul, it was then taken over by MTF Pi-1 "City Slickers," with the homeless population that had moved in before discovery being taken in, interviewed, amnesticized, and released shortly afterwards. Preliminary investigation led to the anomaly being classified as safe on January 12th, 2013.
The plan to turn it into a thaumiel-class anomaly was presented to the O5 on August 14th, 2014, and approved by a vote of 8-4, with one abstention. Project HAPPYSPACE was finalised on September 12th, 2015, with implementation starting shortly after.
Investigation into the age of SCP-9218 has been inconclusive, with dated material yielding highly variable results. However, interviews with individuals who inhabited SCP-9218 before Foundation intervention indicate that the construct is approximately 22 years old, with its manifestation occurring sometime in January 2000.
The bathrooms, however, according to interviews, came later, spontaneously manifesting within SCP-9218 slightly more than a year later, in March 2001. Thaumaturgic analysis of the bathrooms indicates that they were created as an extension of the ritual that created SCP-9218.
Surveillance Log 20: 12th July 2022.
Location: Back of building four, second floor in Lengdeim.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 1
Subject 1:
I fucking love stealing.
???:
Sluurm
Subject 1:
Don't be like that.
Beyond this, the history of SCP-9218 is unknown: its creators abandoned it immediately after its creation and made only minor modifications to its structure shortly thereafter, with no further involvement recorded. The reason for its creation also remains ambiguous.
The signage indicates knowledge that the space is used for long-term habitation, with instructions on where various life-support systems are located and how to clean and maintain them. Still, most researchers dismiss the idea that the space was built for long-term habitation. Instead, it is theorised that the creators knew that a space designed like SCP-9218 would attract long-term inhabitants when they abandoned it.
The most popular hypothesis regarding the function of SCP-9218 was that it served as a storage space, citing the railway infrastructure and the ample hollowed-out space adjacent to every station as evidence, and that it did not originate from the early 2000s but was instead discarded and emptied out shortly before then.
Surveillance Log 21: 12th July 2022.
Location: In bathroom 2 in Hengebyen Station.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 3
Subject 1:
There was this guy who lived here a year ago.
Subject 2:
You're talking about Caesar?
Subject 1:
No, different guy. The politician.
Subject 2:
Oh. Yeah, no, right. It's fucking William, right? The Hangman of Hengebyen.
Subject 1:
Yeah, that's it. It's him.
Subject 3:
What's so special about this guy?
Subject 1:
He ran this terrible campaign, former G.O.C. Guy was a real hard-head. Was campaigning on submitting to the UN I think.
Subject 2:
He was running on eliminating the Port Authority, ceding sovereignty, and submitting ourselves to some UN governing body.
Subject 1:
Yeah that was it. It was so funny. Just a genuinely stupid idea. Hilarious shit. So some people, me included, thought it would be really funny to support him ironically. We called ourselves blueshirts, went around with Nälkä not welcome signs, the works. Right?
Subject 3:
Right.
Subject 1:
So we started ginning up support for this guy, really, we just showed up everywhere. And at some point, some rumours of him having participated in some real unsavoury shit, right, started circulating the gossip streams.
Subject 2:
That was the entire debacle with him having participated in the Mirror-Site 55 Fifthism massacre, right?
Subject 1:
Yes, but that made it on some level even more funny to support him. I have the entire debacle with him trying to court Fifthist votes in Femmern on tape. "We are all Fifthists today." Amazing save.
Subject 2:
Dude, I must have looked like a psycho during that entire, that entire debacle. I was beaming, smiling from ear to ear throughout that entire PR nightmare.
Subject 1:
Yeah, that was amazing. Anyways, he somehow managed to crack 15% in the prelim polls.
Subject 3:
Ok?
Subject 2:
And then he vanishes.
Subject 1:
Like he was transmuted to mist. Gone.
Subject 2:
Houdini.
Subject 1:
So what happened? Well, his corpse shows up a couple of days later on one of the subways. The Bygning-Hjem line, I think. His stomach was slit open with flashing lights beaming out of his eyes. He had two iPhones taped to his hands with the text "This is ur society on iPhone" written behind him, with an AWCY? tag tattooed on his tongue.
Subject 3:
Why are you telling me this, Kristoffer?
Subject 1:
Because we like you, and we know that people here don't like your employer much. That was the only murder we had that month, and I don't think anyone in the Port Authority ever even tried. He was stupid, but he deserved better. So if I were you, I would shut the fuck up about who is paying my checks and keep a low profile.
Subject 3:
Noted, thank you.
Project Overview: Project HAPPYSPACE was launched to address a range of recent problems arising from the Foundation's policies toward sub-veil communities. Those problems include isolation from various anomalous communities stemming from perceived suppression and harm allegedly committed by the Foundation, the Foundation's lack of anomalous expertise available to other GOIs due to said isolation, the increasing cost and inefficiency created by overzealous containment of humanoid anomalies and the inability of the Foundation to hire personnel from anomalous communities due to the increased marginalization and predjudice towards the organization.
Project HAPPYSPACE encompasses the creation and maintenance of FP-32, also known as "Adjacent Oslo"; the surveillance apparatus used to track FP-32 residents; and the process by which the Foundation maintains control of FP-32. By creating a safe environment for anomalous communities to interact, it becomes trivial to obtain information that was previously inaccessible through the surveillance apparatus.
The creation of institutions such as The Institute of Extradimensional Science and Memetics lets the Foundation involve itself with anomalous communities much more covertly, as well as letting the Foundation train specialised personnel much more easily. Through social conditioning processes built into FP-32, the Foundation mitigates hostility toward itself within anomalous communities and makes it easier to recruit personnel from those communities. In addition, Project HAPPYSPACE has been able to serve as a mass containment and an industrial base for Foundation operations, saving the Foundation billions in annual operating costs.
Surveillance Log 22: 12th July 2022.
Location: On the platform of Kirkeborg station.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
Uncomfortable Ride.
Subject 2:
Agreed. Maintenance on that line is subpar. Unfortunately for us, the styling is superb.
Subject 1:
Also Agreed.
Subject 2:
Have I told you about my recent visit to our Three Portlands?
Subject 1:
No? Anything of interest?
Subject 2:
Most of the trip was trivial, and the information I could share about it would be beneath you. But what is pertinent is that I suspect the Jailors have gotten a new toy to play with recently. I know that I was watched almost immediately after arriving at Three Portlands.
Subject 1:
They were unfooled by your glamour?
Subject 2:
Yes, I think they were. My rental was followed while I was driving to our mutual friends.
Subject 1:
The Hand must know.
Subject 2:
Agreed, that was only the second most discomforting fact about my visit, however. The first is that you are unable to create a Way to this place from the Library.
Subject 1:
What? That is insane. Is the reverse true?
Subject 2:
I have not tried yet, but I am almost certain that the answer is yes. The place is blacklisted from the library. We are not, of course, but this entire space seems to be essentially banned, it looks like.
Subject 1:
We should remove a fraction of this space and try to enter the library with it. Did you ask any staff about why the place was blacklisted?
Subject 2:
We should not do that. At least not without asking the librarians for permission first. And no, I did not. I was not there for long.
Subject 1:
Reasonable. But this is exciting. What a mystery you have uncovered! We should convene with our chapter at the earliest opportunity. They must hear this. Are you available tomorrow?
Subject 2:
No, I am responsible for closing tomorrow. Friday?
Subject 1:
Quit your job.
Project HAPPYSPACE consists of two parts that secure its function as an effective containment measure. The first part is contingent on declining living standards in the first world, declining homeownership rates, higher rents, and rising unemployment in nexuses and large cities.
Project HAPPYSPACE then utilises the Foundation's influence over SCP-9218 to eliminate these problems within FP-32. Foundation fronts and businesses attracted to FP-32 keep unemployment at a manageable low level. Foundation influence is also aggressively leveraged to build housing within SCP-9218, thereby artificially keeping rents low and maintaining a steady housing supply for residents.
The second part of Project HAPPYSPACE consists of control of the local government known as the "Port Authority". Through the creation and control of this entity, the Foundation can keep living standards high by making various services, such as dental care, health care, and public transit, free for residents. The Port Authority then enables the surveillance apparatus necessary for Project HAPPYSPACE by requiring residents to have a "Port ID" to access these services. "Port ID" is issued to residents after registration at the Port Authority administrative building at Inngangsland stasjon.
The "Port ID" is a ID-card that also serves as a tracker and microphone, with a special tag applied if the receiving anomaly is deemed to require special notice. This allows the Foundation to track all anomalous activity within FP-32 and is also frequently effective in tracking down anomalies that move outside SCP-9218.
Surveillance Log 23: 12th July 2022.
Location: Middle of building sixteen, fourth floor in Fylkesdal.
Distinct Subjects Identified: 2
Subject 1:
I have been thinking about stuff, and I am still going to pay for it.
Subject 2:
What?
Subject 1:
But I think it's over.
Subject 2:
Yeah, I. Yeah. That makes sense.
Subject 1:
I'm sorry.
Subject 2:
I. Uh. Huh. I know. I've known for a while, I think.
Subject 1:
Don't worry, though, I said I was going to pay for it, and I will.
Subject 2:
I wasn't thinking about that.
Subject 1:
Sorry.
Subject 2:
Don't apologise. Please.
Subject 1:
What were you thinking about?
Subject 2:
When we first met. Remember that?
Subject 1:
Yeah. I remember uh, seeing you approach the stage, and I remember thinking about how the sun always rises in the east. And I remember the play.
Subject 2:
It was terrible.
Subject 1:
No, it was cute. It was cute.
Subject 2:
Really?
Subject 1:
Yeah it was. Adorable, even, and you looked good throughout it, too. Your hair.
Subject 2:
I don't remember that. I remember you approaching me after the show, while I was smoking.
Subject 1:
Yeah.
Subject 2:
Is it, is it okay if I ask why?
Subject 1:
It's just, it's. The last weeks, all I have done is get mad and yell at you. And I don't want to anymore, I am sick of it.
Subject 2:
I need that though.
Subject 1:
You can still get critique from me. It's just. When I. When I am not in a relationship with you, I won't get so mad. So it's better this way.
Subject 2:
I liked you yelling at me.
Subject 1:
No. Don't lie to me.
Subject 2:
I should have liked you yelling.
Subject 1:
That's not true either.
Subject 2:
You don't have to pay. I still have a job.
Subject 1:
I want to. It's not that expensive. And I love you, I want to see you succeed. I just don't love you anymore. It's stupid. I'm stupid. I don't know.
Subject 2:
I know. I do. Can it be over tomorrow?
Subject 1:
Hmm?
Subject 2:
There is going to be a performance of "An Enemy of the People". Uh, "En Folkefiende" at the community theatre thing they are setting up. By Henrik Ibsen. I wasn't planning on seeing it. But if it can be over tomorrow instead, we can go see it tonight. Together.
Subject 1:
Yeah, yeah. That sounds wonderful. I. Thank you. That's perfect.
Subject 2:
It's not over forever?
Subject 1:
It's over. If it happens again, it will be something new. Something different from this.
Throughout my life, I have always been envious of others. I used to travel through my city and listen in on random conversations, take small notes, record soundbites that interested me. Everyone always seemed to live much more interesting lives than I did, breakups, failures, triumphs, they had all of it, always it seems like. People are funnier than you think too, that seems to be something that everyone neglects to mention when talking about "the public", everyone is so funny, Knut Hamsun despised the "crowd", but I never understood why, despite all the random noise that you have to sift through, it's almost always obvious that there is something there.
Everyone else seemed more real to me than I felt I was. And it's horseshit, it's wrong, on some level, I know that everyone else does the same shit that I do, get stuck inside and edit their shit over and over again, or doomscroll or run back to comfort media or whatever stupid wasteful shit I do, but it doesn't feel that way. I remember seeing a guy get drunk and make out with his partner on this bus going into Bjørvika. He got up to get his ticket scanned, and by the time he got back, someone had taken his seat. He went ballistic in response to that; it almost got violent between him and the guy who took his seat. And I remember being envious of all three.
I was so excited to get picked up by the Foundation, I would finally get to experience something. This entire new world of everything unpossible. And now I am back here, in my old city, listening to other people lead more interesting lives than me, again, and I can't stand it. So I am leaving. And I am sorry for stealing a bunch of your shit, and I am especially sorry for dumping this frankly self-indulgent and myopic text on you. So bye and take care.
Yours Truly
William Storgård. Free Agent.