A heartwarming story about a mighty eel army, aquatic martial arts, and the enduring power of friendship.
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Item#: 9246
Level2
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
argus
Disruption Class:
vlam
Risk Class:
notice
Location of Japan’s Akita Prefecture, where SCP-9246 occurs annually.
Special Containment Procedures: Primary containment of SCP-9246 is presently under the purview of the Abernathy & Sons Continental Mining Company (GoI-039). The Foundation will monitor Hume levels at SCP-9246’s location every January 10 and will remain on-call to support containment efforts if needed.
Investigation into the samurai Chuzo Enkidu is ongoing.
Description: SCP-9246 is an annual phenomenon that occurs on January 10 every year, centralized to a remote location of the Shirakami Mountains in Japan’s Akita Prefecture. During this time, local reality in the area will become unstable, with rapidly and wildly fluctuating Hume levels recorded by Foundation sensors. The phenomenon will last approximately 24 hours, with an initial spike in fluctuations occurring around 7:30am local time and a final spike happening 24 hours later, after which all effects will cease entirely. Following the conclusion of this event, no further fluctuations in Hume levels will occur until the following January 10. The most commonly observed effect of SCP-9246 while it is active is the formation of increasingly abnormal weather patterns in the anomaly’s immediate vicinity.
SCP-9246-A is an apparent ritual employed by the Abernathy & Sons Continental Mining Company every year to subdue SCP-9246. The particulars of SCP-9246-A are unknown to the Foundation as per agreement with the Abernathy Company.
Discovery: SCP-9246 was discovered in 2010 when Foundation satellite Ishtar incidentally detected unusual changes in Hume levels while passing over Japan’s Tōhoku region. A task force was quickly deployed to the area where they were promptly greeted by employees of the Abernathy Company. The company had evidently been operating a mining encampment in the area for the last 30 years; the employees explained they had already devised a ritualistic method of countering and ultimately nullifying SCP-9246’s effects. While the Abernathy Company was unwilling to divulge certain specific details regarding SCP-9246-A, the evidence they did provide was enough for the Foundation to conclude with reasonable certainty that their methods were sufficient in containing the anomaly.
Addendum 9246-01:
In the weeks leading up to SCP-9246’s expected manifestation for January 2024, the Foundation received a communication from the Abernathy Company’s Foundation liaison, Henderson Duffy. Duffy offered to allow a Foundation representative to attend the ritual and record their experiences for the Foundation’s records. Due to her availability, Junior Researcher Gross from Site-110 was instructed to meet with Duffy in Akita City and travel with him to the ritual site.
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Junior Researcher Gross and Henderson Duffy can be seen scaling a snow-covered mountain. Strong flurries of snow whip against their faces as they ascend.]
Gross: Are we almost there yet? I can’t feel my toes anymore.
Duffy: I’d say so. Hard to tell for certain in this nasty weather, but I think we’ve been walking about long enough.
Gross: Is there really not, like, a road or something leading up to your camp? I didn’t think I would be hiking through a blizzard right out of the airport.
Duffy: Well, a road would make us a little too easy to find, wouldn’t it? I doubt your Foundation would like it too much if any old joker could stumble their way into our workplace. Especially on a day like today.
[Duffly laughs.]
Duffy: As for the blizzard, well, it could be much worse. Last year we had our own little mini-tornado tear its way up the mountain.
Gross: Shoot, I think I’d rather take the blizzard.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: So, what kind of ritual are you doing today? You still haven’t really told me anything about it.
Duffy: Right, sorry for all the secrecy, Ms. Gross. It’s just a little hard to explain. Which I’m sure was pretty frustrating for your bosses.
Gross: Yeah, they’re not so big on being left in the dark. At least when its not on their terms.
Duffy: Of course. That’s why me and the mining crew, we eventually decided maybe things would be easier for everyone if we let one of you folks come and see what this whole thing was all about in person.
Gross: And I guess I’m that lucky person?
Duffy: Sure looks like it. But don’t worry, we already cleared it with the other side too.
Gross: The other what?
Duffy: Oh, look. We made it. Welcome to the Dewa Mining Camp.
[The two approach a crest in the slope. Ahead of them is a small collection of cabins with various types of mining equipment interspersed around them.]
[Gross stops at the edge of the encampment as she looks around. Duffy takes a few steps forward and cups his hands around his mouth.]
Duffy: Hey, everyone! We’re here.
[People can be seen emerging from the different cabins, many holding their hands over their faces to shield them from the biting wind. One woman, adorned in glasses and a white coat, appears unfazed by the weather and beelines directly towards Gross and Duffy.]
Duffy: Oh, and here comes the camp’s esteemed leader now. Foreperson Mayuko Yano.
[Yano scoffs as she approaches the pair.]
Yano: You’re cutting it really close, Duffy. We’re just about ready to start.
Duffy: Apologies, Ms. Yano. Weather decided to start acting up on our way here. Ms. Gross here endured it like a trooper though.
[Yano turns to look at Gross.]
Yano: Really? You’re the Foundation representative? You look like you should still be in school.
Gross: I’m, uh, sorry…?
[Yano shakes her head.]
Yano: No matter. As I’m sure Mr. Duffy explained, I’m Mayuko Yano, the foreperson of the Dewa Mine.
Gross: Nice to meet you. You said you’re about ready to start?
Yano: Indeed. Now come with me. Leave your bags where they are. One of our non-participants will take them inside for you.
Duffy: Oh, this is exciting.
[Gross and Duffy follow Yano through the camp.]
Yano: I’ll introduce you to the rest of the participants when we arrive.
Gross: Arrive? Where are we going exactly?
Yano: You’ll see soon enough.
[The group arrive at a solid rock face, where a cluster of people are already standing. There is also a massive wooden cart, its contents obscured under a tarp.]
[Yano turns to a tall man leaning against the rock face.]
Yano: Hinzelmann, we’re all finally here. Are you ready to proceed?
[The man nods and points to a young man next to the cart.]
Hinzelmann: Tsuji here just finished getting the tarp tied down.
Tsuji: Yep, everything here should be secured.
Hinzelmann: Just waiting for you to give the go-ahead, boss.
Yano: Yes, let’s proceed then. No need to keep them waiting.
Hinzelmann: Sure thing.
[Hinzelmann turns and places both hands on the rock face. After a moment, the wall begins to shimmer and oscillate like water.]
Yano: Okay people, let’s get moving. I’m sure we’re all ready to get out of this damn blizzard.
[Gross watches as the miners one by one step into the shimmering rock face, disappearing into the stone.]
Gross: Hold on, is that a Way?
Duffy: Sort of. Come on, it’s just about our turn.
[Gross follows Yano into the wall, Duffy just behind her. The feed goes black for a moment.]
[The feed quickly returns. Gross has found herself in the middle of a snow-covered forest. The weather is considerably more calm, with gentle snowfall all around them.]
Gross: Where are we?
[Yano resumes walking, beckoning the others to follow.]
Yano: A world between worlds, you could call it.
Duffy: It’s also where our opponents live.
Gross: Opponents?
Yano: They should be waiting for us just ahead.
[The group reach the edge of the forest and are greeted by the sight of a large river. On the opposite bank stands an enormous castle.]
Image of the waterside castle encountered by Junior Researcher Gross.
Gross: What the hell, that’s huge.
Duffy: I know, right?
Gross: It looks like Matsumoto Castle. But that should be way down south of here. What’s it doing in a place like this?
Hinzelmann: Don’t worry, this is just a replica. It’s also the home of the ones we’ll be facing off against today.
Gross: Who are they? For that matter, where are—
[Gross stops as her attention is pulled to the water. Ripples can be seen forming on its surface. Dark shapes soon become visible below, moving in the direction of the shoreline.]
Yano: Looks like they’re here.
[In another moment, the entities have reached the shallows and their forms breach the water’s surface, revealing a squadron of humanoid figures. Each one of them is adorned in elaborate full-body samurai armor, vaguely reminiscent of those found during the mid-to-late Edo period.]
[The samurai reach the dry land of the riverbank and stop, facing the miners. They appear to be approximately 50 in number. Yano approaches them and nods.]
Yano: Good morning. It seems that our day of shared importance has arrived once again. I eagerly await the arrival of your honored leader, a true man of stature.
[The group parts down the middle, revealing a taller figure behind them. The tall samurai slowly approaches Yano, stopping immediately in front of her.]
Yano: Hello, honored Lord Chuzo Enkidu. I am pleased to see you are well.
[The samurai known as Enkidu nods. He raises his hands to either side of his helmet and lifts it off his head.]
Gross: (whispering) What the hell?
[Enkidu lowers his helmet, revealing its head to be identical in appearance to a spotted garden eel.]
File Photo: Lord Chuzo Enkidu.
Enkidu: And I am glad to see you too, Foreperson Yano. I hope you have been well. Are you ready to begin?
Yano: Yes, I am ready.
Enkidu: Good. Then we shall play by the same rules as always. Five rounds, first team to win three shall be the winner. Now let us begin!
[The rest of the samurai cry out in celebration. Gross leans over to Duffy.]
Gross: What is happening? Five rounds of what? What kind of ritual is this?
[Duffy shrugs.]
Duffy: Oh, don’t worry, it’s nothing too crazy. You see, what we’ve got here is just a good old fashioned Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: The fuck does that mean?
<End Log>
ROUND 1
of the Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown
Suijutsu
水術
A water-based martial art with roots in Japan’s Sengoku period. The discipline is comprised of various exercises that can be traced back to techniques practiced by samurai to demonstrate and maintain combat effectiveness in aquatic settings.
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Junior Researcher Gross stands still as she watches Hinzelmann remove the tarp from the top of the cart brought from the mining encampment, revealing a sizable collection of armor and weapons. The miners begin offloading and sorting through the equipment.]
Duffy: You okay there, Ms. Gross? You look a little lost.
Gross: It’s just— a Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown. What does that even mean?
Duffy: Well you see, Suijutsu is a Japanese martial art comprised of various combative and competitive swimming techni—
Gross: I mean, I know what Suijutsu is. I’ve, like, read about it before. It’s everything else that I’m lost on. I thought there was some elaborate ritual you had to perform every year. Are you really telling me that what you’re actually doing is playing water sports with a bunch of eel people?
[Yano approaches the pair.]
Yano: It’s quite a bit more complicated than that, but you’re not completely off the mark.
Gross: What do you mean?
Yano: Lord Chuzo Enkidu is a distinguished extra-dimensional warlord who has led his army through a multitude of worlds, decimating all who stand in his way. On top of that, their years of inter-universal travel has done a number on their tautological integrity, meaning that their mere presence in our world would be a disaster for local reality levels wherever they go.
Gross: I guess that explains the Hume fluctuations.
Yano: By some miracle, however, our company’s founder was able to convince them to refrain from entering our world some 30 years ago. And our reality has remained stable overall ever since.
Gross: Okay, but then why are you playing swimming games with them?
Yano: In short, Enkidu and our founder came to an agreement. As long as we achieve victory every 10th of January, we won’t have to worry about any incursion on their part.
[Gross shrugs.]
Gross: Fair enough. What’s the first event then?
Hinzelmann: A simple race. One combatant from each team will swim to the other side of that big river and back. Whoever returns first wins the round for their team.
Gross: Sounds pretty straightforward.
Tsuji: You would think, but there is one wrinkle.
[Tsuji approaches the group adorned in full plate armor.]
Tsuji: You have to dress up like this for all events.
Gross: What?
Tsuji: It’s just one of the many ways the sport as we know it in our world differs from the version the Enkidu Army is used to. For us, only a fraction of modern Suijutsu events actually involve wearing armor in the water. But what we’re playing today requires armor for all events.
Gross: That’s crazy. How much does all of that even weigh?
Yano: It doesn’t matter. My subordinates train year round for today’s events, so there’s no need to worry. Now come on, we’re about to start.
[The group proceed down to the water’s edge where Enkidu and his soldiers wait for them. Standing next to Enkidu is another soldier who removes his helmet, revealing another eel-like head.]
Enkidu: Good, you’re here. Are we ready to start?
Yano: Yes, let us begin.
[Enkidu gestures towards the soldier next to him.]
Enkidu: This is Benkei. My champion for this starting round.
[The soldier known as Benkei steps forward.]
Benkei: Good morning, members of Team Yano. I am Benkei. I will give my all for this first round of competition.
Yano: Very well. And I will offer my champion. Haruhiko Tsuji.
[Tsuji steps forward.]
Tsuji: Hello again, Benkei.
Benkei: Oh hi, Tsuji.
[The two take their positions along the riverbank. Gross leans over to whisper to Duffy.]
Gross: What now?
Duffy: We wait for Judge Karatsu to arrive. She’ll tell them when to go.
Gross: Judge Karatsu?
[Duffy looks up to the sky.]
Duffy: Oh, looks like she’s here.
[A white crane lands on a rock near the water’s edge and looks intently at Tsuji and Benkei. The scene is quiet for a moment before the bird opens its beak and screams.]
Karatsu: ROUND START.
[The two combatants leap into the water and start swimming towards the opposite bank. The soldiers and miners begin raucously cheering on their teammates. Enkidu and Yano, however, watch in silence.]
Gross: So, what’s the deal with how this all started? Yano said something about your company’s founder making a deal?
[Duffy nods.]
Duffy: Oh, right. It was about 30 years ago. Our founder and company president, Ezekiel G. Abernathy had arrived in the Shirakami Mountains after some contacts in Kyoto told him it would be a good place to establish a mine. He happened to be in the area setting things up when Lord Chuzo Enkidu and his soldiers emerged from that rock wall we entered into a little while ago, with the intention of blazing their way through our universe.
Gross: What happened next?
Duffy: Why, they battled, Abernathy and Enkidu. For 40 days and 40 nights straight, they traded blows, spilling one another’s blood, neither willing to yield even an inch to the other. Supposedly, the sky would crack throughout the region with every mighty strike. Finally, though, on that 41st day, they both collapsed in the snow from complete and total exhaustion. When they eventually woke up, they immediately began to laugh as they locked hands in camaraderie.
Gross: What, they became friends or something?
Duffy: Pretty much. In fact, Enkidu respected Abernathy so much for standing strong against him, that he agreed to make a deal. Until the day arrived that Abernathy’s “army” could no longer stand victorious in his presence, he would refrain from entering into our world. And from that we ended up with the annual Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown.
File Photo: Ezekiel G. Abernathy (image authenticity currently under review).
Gross: So, you’re saying that these water games are all that’s stopping an army of samurai eels from invading our universe?
Duffy: In a way, I suppose. Though Foreperson Yano would know the particulars of the deal much better than me. Truthfully speaking, I’ve only managed to watch the games a handful of times, since I’m usually dealing with other work this time of year.
Gross: Well, do you know what kind of stakes we’re dealing with? I guess you’ve won every year, but is it ever a close call?
Duffy: Not really, far as I know. Yano has our people train hard year round, so it’s been a pretty comfortable win, at least every year I’ve been present. Most years we don’t even go the full five rounds.
[He points out to the water. Both swimmers have evidently reached the other side and are on their way back. Tsuji is significantly ahead of Benkei.]
Duffy: Looks like this might be an easier year as well.
Gross: Hold on, what’s that?
[She points off to a section of the river upstream of the swimmers. The water shimmers as something large can be seen approaching the surface.]
[In another moment a colossal fish resembling a cherry salmon breaches the surface. The spectators watch the fish as it goes completely airborne.]
Salmon: Shoes and ships and sealing wax.
[The salmon crashes down into the water in the immediate proximity of the swimmers. The impact sends the two flying in the direction of the closer riverbank, i.e., the finish line. Their landing is accompanied by a torrent of water that slams at the spectators.]
[Gross is knocked to the ground. She struggles on the snow for a moment, before she is able to get her bearings and back on her feet. She looks over the crowd and sees that virtually all other spectators have similarly fallen over. The only two still standing are Yano and Enkidu, who are both fixated on the shoreline.]
[Gross slowly steps over to the riverbank. A dazed Tsuji can be seen lying on his back in the shallows of the river. Benkei meanwhile, is lying prone with his arm outstretched ahead of him.]
[His hand rests on the mud of the riverbank.]
[Karatsu spreads its wings.]
Karatsu: ENKIDU TEAM WIN.
[The Enkidu soldiers erupt into cheers. As they celebrate, Duffy catches up to Gross and stands beside her.]
Duffy: So, I’m pretty sure that fish is new.
<End Log>
ROUND 2
of the Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown
Current Score
YANO
ENKIDU
X
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Gross is standing near the waterside watching the next two participants gradually make their way through the water. The upper bodies of both participants are visible above the surface. Aside from their movement through the water, they appear completely still.]
Gross: This round’s a little slower than the last.
Tsuji: That makes sense. This challenge is all about meticulous caution.
Gross: They look almost like statues sliding along the surface of an ice rink. They aren’t even displacing the water around them.
Tsuji: Right, but it’s under the surface where all the action is really happening. The ability to tread water for long periods solely with your lower body is an essential Suijutsu technique.
Gross: Sure, this way a samurai’s arms would be left free to wield weapons or use tools even while in the water.
Tsuji: Exactly. And it’s an important part of stealth operations like the one going on now.
Gross: So this is a stealth challenge, then? I didn’t quite catch the rules for this round.
Tsuji: Right, so the goal is for the participants to make it to those reeds further down the river and each steal and egg from one of those ganglek nests to bring back here. Without alerting the gangleks themselves, of course.
Gross: And what is a ganglek, exactly?
Tsuji: Even after all this time, I’m still not entirely sure. I do know that you really don’t want to get on the bad side of one, though.
[Both participants can be seen approaching the reeds.]
Gross: How do you feel about your team’s chances this round?
Tsuji: Well, Noro on our side hasn’t been working for the Abernathy Company all that long. This is only her third time at the games. She’s not got a lot of experience, but she always commits herself.
Gross: Okay, and what about the eel she’s up against?
Tsuji: Oh, Goll’s an old veteran of the games. He can definitely hold his own in just about any event, but he’s got a bit of an ego that can sometimes lead to careless mistakes.
[Tsuji pauses for a moment. The two watch as Noro arrives at a nest a few seconds ahead of Goll. She grabs an egg — which appears to have a leathery shell and is a comparable in size to a basketball — and holds it over her head in both hands. She begins her swim upstream back to the starting point.]
Tsuji: Yeah, if I had to wager, I think I’d be comfortable betting on Noro.
Gross: That’s reassuring. I guess we just have to hope another giant fish doesn’t show up and ruin everything.
Tsuji: Tell me about it. I’m still kind of reeling from that.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: Duffy said something about that fish being new here. You know what he meant?
[Tsuji nods.]
Tsuji: It’s like what Yano said when we first arrived here. This place, it’s not a complete universe or anything like that. It’s a “world between worlds.” A fragment of a universe that happens to intersect with our reality just closely enough to allow limited travel between them.
Gross: How does that explain the giant fish?
Tsuji: I’m sure your Foundation scientists could probably explain it better than I could, but there are, like, countless fragments floating around all complete universes, like moons orbiting a planet. And if you know what you’re doing, it’s possible to jump between them. Follow the right path, and you could end up in another true universe.
Gross: And I guess it’s possible every once in a while for something to make that jump accidentally. A giant salmon, maybe?
Tsuji: That’s the idea.
Gross: Would this fragment-hopping also be how Enkidu and his cronies were able to pull off their multiversal rampage? Seems like a handy way to jump between realities.
Tsuji: Yeah, but it’s also very dangerous.
Gross: How so?
Tsuji: Well, it might be possible to go from one fragment to another, but there’s no guarantee how close that new fragment will be to another true universe. If you’re not careful, you could find yourself adrift, with each successive jump only taking you further from the shore.
Gross: That doesn’t sound good. Wonder how our eel friends managed to avoid that.
Tsuji: Oh, from what Yano told me, they didn’t.
Gross: Wait, what?
[Tsuji lowers his voice.]
Tsuji: Apparently, Enkidu’s army became lost at some point long ago, but he continued to lead his soldiers through countless fragments in the vain hope that the next one would lead them back to an actual true universe. But all it resulted in was them becoming increasingly unmoored from any complete and stable world.
Gross: What happened to them?
Tsuji: Well, the further out you go, the less, uh, cohesive things become. The distance from the laws of any universe means your connection to stable reality begin to fall by the wayside. Perception becomes a blur, and your mind starts to unravel. Eventually, you might find yourself so far removed from any semblance of rationality that you end up floating, perpetually dazed, in a place that can only be described as oblivion. Eternal stagnation.
Gross: Enkidu ended up in a that kind of place?
[Tsuji nods.]
Tsuji: Yeah. But then they somehow managed to get to a place that lies one step beyond even that.
Gross: What kind of place could possibly exist beyond oblivion?
Tsuji: No idea. But Yano says Enkidu had a name for it, one that I still don’t really understand.
Gross: What did he call it?
[Tsuji shrugs.]
Tsuji: Drunkness Street.
Gross: Drunkness Street?
Tsuji: A strange place where memories flow like water, swirling and intermixing among its occupants before eventually evaporating entirely. Apparently, the Enkidu Army were not the first to stumble into that place, but they are part of a small number to have ever found a way back.
Gross: I imagine a place like that can really mess with your head. Makes their annual Suijutsu games seem a little less bizarre.
[Junior Researcher Gross sighs.]
Gross: I just wish they’d move along a little faster. This round’s been taking forever.
[Tsuji points out at the river.]
Tsuji: Well, it looks like you may be in luck.
[Gross looks over to the participants. Ahead of her, Goll has stopped. He remains still, holding the egg above his head, with a distressed expression on his face.]
Gross: Looks like he’s fighting back a sneeze. You think he can hold it?
[Goll’s head shoots forward as he lets out a loud sneeze, sending ripples through the water.]
Tsuji: Guess not.
[A low rumbling can be heard on the opposite side of the river. Three animals can be seen emerging from the tall grass on the far bank. Roughly the size of wolf, their appearance is reminiscent of skinless rabbits with human-like faces.]
Tsuji: Seems the gangleks are here.
[The creatures begin screeching loudly. Their necks rapidly extend as their heads fly in the direction of Goll.]
[Noro turns her head; her eyes go wide as she sees the ganglek heads shoot across the water. She picks up her pace but otherwise maintains her composure as she approaches the riverbank.]
[Goll likewise turns around and also speeds up, but in a more clumsy and panicked manner, sending additional ripples through the water. Despite his speed, the ganglek heads quickly catch up to him. Two of them screech loudly at him and gnash their teeth, while the third grabs the egg in its bony mouth and pulls it out of Goll’s hands. The gangleks retract their necks and Goll is left alone, treading water in the middle of the river.]
Gross: Well, that wasn’t too bad, actually.
[Goll lets out a sigh of relief and begins swimming to the shoreline. Suddenly, the head of a fourth ganglek erupts from below the surface. It screeches at Goll and clamps its jaws down on his arm. Goll screams as the ganglek promptly pulls him down into the depths of the river.]
[The spectators are quiet as Noro reaches the riverbank with her egg, signifying her victory. Their eyes remain fixed on where Goll had been just a moment ago.]
[Gross leans over to Tsuji.]
Gross: I think I prefer the big fish.
<End Log>
ROUND 3
of the Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown
Current Score
YANO
X
ENKIDU
X
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Junior Researcher Gross is standing on one of several large wooden platforms floating on the surface of a lake. The platforms are arranged in a circle, surrounding an open expanse of water. On one side of Gross’ platform, a helmeted Enkidu soldier can be seen swinging a wooden sword. On the other side of the platform Hinzelmann can be seen speaking to a burly older woman smoking a cigarette.]
Hinzelmann: We’re about ready to start, Wakisaka. You think you should get some practice swings in while you still have time?
[Wakisaka takes a drag from her cigarette.]
Wakisaka: Don’t you worry about me, brat. I’ll be fine.
[Gross turns to see the Enkidu soldier from a moment ago approach Wakisaka.]
Soldier: Hi, there. Looks like you and me will be sparring today.
[The soldier removes his helmet, revealing the face of a portly human man.]
Soldier: Pleased to meet you! The name’s Bob Cheb.
Wakisaka: Whatever.
Gross: Hold on, you’re human?
[Bob Cheb turns to Gross and extends a hand.]
Bob Cheb: Hi, you must be the scientist the Abernathy Company invited. Bob Cheb, nice to meet you.
[Gross shakes Bob Cheb’s hand.]
Gross: Uh, sure. I’m, uh— you can just call me Junior Researcher Gross. But, if you don’t mind me asking, why is a human part of an eel army?
[Bob Cheb laughs.]
Bob Cheb: Oh, don’t worry, I get that all time. But the truth is, I’m as much an eel as the rest of my buddies.
Gross: I don’t understand.
Bob Cheb: Yeah, I’ve been part of Lord Enkidu’s army as far back as I can remember, which I suppose isn’t that long, on account of the amnesia and all.
Gross: Wait, what do you mean amnesia?
Bob Cheb: Yeah I must have gotten bonked on the head some years ago — still don’t know how. I just remember wandering down that strange street without any idea of who I was or how I got there, when my buddies here found me and set me straight. Reminded me of my years of loyal servitude under Lord Enkidu’s authority as a member of his noble eel army.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: Yeah, you know what, sure. Good luck with the competition.
Bob Cheb: Thanks, Junior Researcher Gross. Pulling off proper sword-fighting technique while treading water is always a real workout, but it’s also a good time, you know?
[Bob Cheb turns to Wakisaka.]
Bob Cheb: Good luck to you as well, Ms. Wakisaka. I’m looking forward to our spar.
Wakisaka: Eh.
[Karatsu flies over to a floating platform across from Gross and spreads its wings.]
Karatsu: ROUND WILL BEGIN. TAKE PLACES.
Bob Cheb: Oh, well. Looks like it’s time for us to go.
[Both participants don their helmets and take their wooden swords before leaping into the water. They reach the center of the encircled area and face one another, holding their swords in front of them.]
Karatsu: SWORD HIT BODY MEANS POINT. 3 POINTS MEANS WIN. BEGIN NOW.
Wakisaka: Let’s get this over with.
[She holds her sword to the side in a defensive stance, predicting a strike from Bob Cheb. As expected, Bob Cheb swings his arms back in preparation for an attack, but in the process of doing so, he loses his grip on the hilt. The sword flies out of his hands and into the air behind him, landing in the water with a soft splash.]
[The scene is quiet for a moment.]
Karatsu: BOB CHEB LOSE SWORD. BOB CHEB DISQUALIFIED. YANO TEAM WIN.
[Bob Cheb chuckles.]
Bob Cheb: Whoops, seems ol’ Bob Cheb here kind of dropped the ball just now.
Bob Cheb: Or should I say, dropped the sword.
<End Log>
ROUND 4
of the Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown
Current Score
YANO
XX
ENKIDU
X
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Junior Researcher Gross is sitting alone at the end of a floating platform. Ahead of her, she can see Hinzelmann and an eel soldier treading water. Each of them is holding a canvas in the air in one hand and a paintbrush in the other. Additionally, both have a flat painter’s pallet bearing a range of colors clenched in their mouths.]
[Gross does not speak as she watches them, but she is audibly shivering. A voice can be heard coming from Gross’ side.]
Voice: Here, this will help with the cold.
[She turns her head to see Chuzo Enkidu sitting down beside her. He is holding a ceramic tokkuri and two cups. He opens the tokkuri and pours a liquid into both cups, passing one over to Gross.]
Enkidu: Warm sake. It should keep you from freezing.
Gross: Oh, uh… thank you.
[She takes a sip of the sake.]
Enkidu: You’re the scientist that Yano invited. Junior Researcher Gross, I believe. How have you been finding the competition so far?
Gross: Uh… well…
Enkidu: Please, I do not mind you speaking freely.
Gross: Oh. Then… well, it’s been interesting. I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever seen Suijutsu in person before. I’ve mainly just read about it.
Enkidu: I see. Does it look like how you imagined it?
Gross: Sort of? Like, I know there are a lot of events about doing different things while in water. But oil painting, that’s a new one. I guess there’s calligraphy events, but it’s not quite the same.
Enkidu: Yes, I understand the Suijutsu in your world differs from what my soldiers and I are used to in our home world.
Gross: What was your home world like? Seems like it was sort of similar to ours, though maybe with more eel people.
[Enkidu chuckles softly.]
Enkidu: Possibly. In truth, however, I remember very little of the universe we came from.
Gross What do you mean?
Enkidu: In my travels, we ventured further out to those border worlds that lay beyond traditional conceptions of reality. Our minds became… hazy, you could say. By the time we arrived at that inscrutable realm beyond oblivion, we—
[There is a pause.]
Enkidu: Well, it’s difficult to describe. It was as if the collective consciousness of myself and my subordinates had pooled together and that place called Drunkness Street allowed it all to freely flow out and away from us. Like a bowl that has become littered with cracks and holes.
Gross: How did you get out of a place like that?
Enkidu: I truly cannot say. That memory has escaped me like so many others. A part of me is unsure how much we actually wanted to leave at the time, though once we did, we had out sights set on a single goal.
Gross: And what goal was that?
Enkidu: To return home.
[He laughs softly.]
Enkidu: A challenging task when you have no remaining notion of what your home actually looks like.
Gross: Seems kind of risky too. Like, what if you finally manage to make it back to your home world, and it’s nothing like what you were hoping for?
Enkidu: That’s very possible. But it is also a concern for some future point in time. For now, my primary concern remains fixed on victory in these games.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: If you don’t mind me saying, you’ve been doing these games for years now, and they always seem to end the same way. You think it might be easier if you all just found a different route to take on the journey to your home world?
Enkidu: It is quite likely so. But this path is the one I must follow. You see, I made promise to an old friend.
Gross: What do you mean?
[Karatsu, standing on an adjacent platform, spreads its wings.]
Karatsu: TIME UP. SHOW ME ART.
[Enkidu chuckles again.]
Enkidu: You know, the Abernathy Company’s champion, Hinzelmann, he is a strong competitor. But in artistic pursuits, he can be rather brash, sometimes to his detriment.
Gross: You think your soldier will win this round then?
Enkidu: I have faith in Neelasur, yes. She is as skilled with a brush as she is a weapon.
[Enkidu stands up.]
Enkdidu: I enjoyed our talk, young Researcher Gross. Now, let us see how the esteemed Judge Karatsu assesses the work of our artists.
[Gross stands up and follows Enkidu towards Karatsu. Hinzelmann and Neelasur are standing in front of the bird, holding their canvasses.]
Karatsu: ENKIDU TEAM FIRST. SHOW ME ART.
[Neelasur holds up the canvas for Karatsu to see.]
Painting produced by Neelasur.
[Karatsu looks over the painting.]
Karatsu: VERY PRETTY. COLORFUL FRUIT. TASTY FISH. VERY REALISTIC. IT GOOD. IT GOOD.
[Neelasur lowers the painting.]
Neelasur: Thank you, Judge Karatsu.
Karatsu: NOW YANO TEAM. YANO TEAM SHOW ART.
[Hinzelmann holds up his painting.]
Painting produced by Hinzelmann.
[Karatsu examines the painting, its face turning to a scowl.]
Karatsu: WHAT THIS? EXPLAIN NOW.
Hinzelmann: Oh, I’ve been somewhat inspired by the surrealist movements of the 1970’s lately, and I thought I’d apply what I’ve learned to the canvas.
Karatsu: IT WEIRD. NO LIKE WEIRD. WEIRD IS BAD. PAINTING IS BAD.
[Karatsu begins hopping up and down.]
Karatsu: ROUND OVER. ENKIDU TEAM WINS.
[Enkidu is seen turning to Yano and smiling.]
Enkidu: Well, Yano, it seems we are currently tied.
[Yano nods.]
Yano: Looks that way. We both know what that means.
Enkidu: Indeed. It is finally time for you and I to face off against one another.
<End Log>
ROUND 5
of the Samurai Eel Suijutsu Showdown
Current Score
YANO
XX
ENKIDU
XX
Video Log
<Begin Log>
[Junior Researcher Gross is standing on the floating platform, her eyes on Foreperson Yano. Yano is adorned in armor, standing still, while Wakisaka and Hinzelmann walk in circles around her.]
[They are binding her in metal chains.]
Gross: Are you for real? What kind of crazy-ass event is this?
[Gross’ speech is slurred.]
Hinzelmann: I see you’ve been enjoying the sake Lord Enkidu gave you, Junior Researcher Gross. But you might want to hold off on any more until after this last round.
Gross: Don’t worry. Enkidu said it’ll keep me warm, so it’s okay. Besides, it’s not like I’ve had a lot or anything.
[She lifts the tokkuri and takes a quick sip.]
Hinzelmann: Did Enkidu give you that helmet too?
Gross: Nah, I took one from the trunk over behind you.
[She points at her head.]
Gross: (whispering) You, know. To keep my head warm.
Wakisaka: Well, you look ridiculous.
[Gross shakes her head.]
Gross: Nuh-uh, y’all are the ones who look crazy. Like, why are you tying up your boss?
Yano: This is the final challenge. You remember that Suijutsu is meant to reflect actual combat situations a samurai may face in the water, right?
Gross: Yeah.
Yano: Well, sometimes the best way for a captive samurai to escape from their enemies is through the water. That escape should still be possible even when fully bound.
Gross: So what, you and Enkidu are gonna swim around while all chained up?
Yano: We will tread the water while bound, that is correct. First one to sink below the surface loses.
Wakisaka: That should do it. You’re ready to go, boss.
[Wakisaka and Hinzelmann toss the remaining chains in a pile near the equipment trunk.]
Yano: Looks like my opponent is ready as well.
[Her gaze is fixed on the opposite platform. Enkidu is similarly bound in chains and is standing at the edge of his platform.]
Enkidu: Are you ready to begin, Foreperson Yano?
Yano: I am. Let us dive in at the judge’s signal.
[The two turn to look at the platform where Karatsu is standing, preening its feathers. After a moment, it appears to realize it is being watched, and promptly stands at attention.]
Karatsu: FINAL ROUND READY. WINNER WIN ALL. JUMP WHEN GO.
[There is a pause.]
Karatsu: GO.
[Enkidu and Yano simultaneously leap into the water headfirst. They disappear below the surface, but after a moment, their heads can be seen emerging from the water near the center of the encircled arena. The two combatants face each other, though neither one says anything.]
[Gross watches the action from the edge of the platform. She takes another sip from the tokkuri. Duffy comes up next to her.]
Duffy: Looks like someone’s been enjoying themselves. How do you feel about us going all five rounds?
[Gross does not appear to respond. Duffy turns to look at her; as he does, Gross can be heard laughing.]
Duffy: What’s so funny?
Gross: It’s their swimming! Look at it! They’re all tied up, so all they can do is wiggle. They look like water worms. Or snakes, maybe. Or—
[She gasps as she turns to look directly at Duffy.]
Gross: Or eels…
[Duffy laughs.]
Duffy: I guess so.
Gross: So, Big Boss Yano, she gotta be a better eel than a real eel. That doesn’t sound easy. Especially with the armor and the chains.
Duffy: I wouldn’t underestimate her. She’s always been an exceptional closer.
Gross: Oh, she must be strong then. Stronger than a eel, which is, like, super strong.
[There is a pause.]
Gross: Hey Mr. MacDuffy, can I ask you something?
Duffy: Sure, what do you want to know?
Gross: Well, you all have been saying that winning these games is part of some deal that’s keeping Enkidu and his eel buddies from invading our world. But this whole time, it doesn’t seem like any of y’all have been super worried about losing, even now in the ultimate showdown round. What’s up with that?
Duffy: Oh, is that your question? I guess I could—
[The two of them stumble slightly on the platform. Gross looks around and sees all the platforms are swaying from side to side.]
Gross: What’s going on with the water?
[There is an eruption of water on Gross’ right. She turns to look and sees that the colossal cherry salmon has launched itself into the air again.]
Salmon: Cabbages and kings.
[The salmon crashes into the lake right next to the floating platforms, sending a massive wave of water in their direction. The water slams into the spectators — including Gross, who is thrown into the water.]
[She quickly begins to sink.]
[She looks in every direction, her focus promptly settling on her ankle, which has evidently been caught and wrapped in the metal chains that had been left next to the equipment trunk. She pulls at the chains, but they refuse to yield.]
[She continues to sink.]
[She turns her head to look upwards. The light shining down from the sky is rapidly fading. She flails her arms and legs in an attempt to swim towards the surface, but it is not enough to counteract the weight from the chains.]
[She sinks further.]
[She closes her eyes.]
[She keeps them closed for a long time.]
[After a while, she opens them.]
[She’s met with the sight of a black void, an endless expanse of nothingness.]
[But then, there are faint lights, flickering softly in the distance.]
[They very gradually increase in intensity.]
[They coalesce into an image. A blurry, indistinct scene shimmers before her, a city rife with neon accompanied by the muffled sounds of a busy street.]
[She takes in the sight, trying to make sense of why it lies in front of her, so deep beneath the water. There are people here, but the details are too undefined for her to parse — in truth, they are little more than shadows.]
[For a moment, she thinks she can make out the vague contours of faces on a handful of these silhouettes. They slowly turn to face her, and for a fraction of a second, she swears she can see smiles taking form. But before she can respond, the image of the city begins to swirl, fading away, replaced by an entirely new scene.]
[Two men are fighting upon a mountaintop, one with a much longer neck than the other. The sky cracks with thunder as they exchange blows.]
[Soon both are splayed out from exhaustion amid the snow.]
[Then they begin to laugh.]
[Some time has passed. One man follows the other through a rock face. They end up at the bank of a rushing river. The first man dives in, without bothering to remove the heavy armor he wears. The other man dives in after him. Soon, they are both racing to reach the other side before the other.]
[A procession of additional scenes flash before Gross’ eyes. The men find new ways to challenge one another in the water. Sword-fighting. Target shooting. Leaping while swimming. Balancing parasols on their hands. All the while, the men laugh, chiding and joking and egging each other on.]
[Eventually, the passage of time can be discerned by the weathering of faces. One of the men is talking to the other, the one with the long neck. There is work that needs to be done. The man has to leave now, but he will not leave his friend alone. He will leave his friend in good hands, he says, as he gestures to a woman in a white coat and glasses. The woman politely bows to the long-necked man, who smiles.]
[There is no reason why the games cannot continue.]
[The scene fades to black once more, leaving Junior Researcher Gross floating alone in the void.]
[But it’s okay, because she thinks she gets it now.]
[She understands what’s happening.]
[There was never any reason to worry in the first place. All she—]
Enkidu: Come on!
[Gross feels two hands grabbing her own, followed by a heavy tug. She is pulled out of the water and onto a boat.]
[She looks up and sees Yano and Enkidu staring down at her.]
Yano: You okay, kid?
Gross: Wha— what happened?
Yano: The games are over. We won.
Gross: Really?
[Enkidu nods.]
Enkidu: Indeed. Today was a complete and total victory. Just as it is every year. Now please, join us for the celebration, in honor of today’s spirited competition!
[Gross turns around and sees both the Enkidu Army and the Abernathy Company employees engaged in celebration. They toast one another, drinking and feasting together as friends.]
[The boat reaches the riverbank and the three disembark. Gross stops and turns to Yano as Enkidu walks ahead.]
Gross: It was never about beating them, was it?
Yano: What’s important is that we give it our all during these games every year. It would be an insult to both Mr. Abernathy and Lord Enkidu if we didn’t.
Gross: It almost sounds sappy, when you put it that way.
[Yano shrugs.]
Yano: Maybe. But I won’t deny that it’s still pretty fun.
Gross: It was kind of fun.
Yano: Now come on. Enough talking, let’s go join everyone else.
Gross: Yeah, that sounds good.
[She walks forward with Yano and joins the festivities.]
<End Log>
SCP-9246 concluded as normal the following morning without issue. Junior Researcher Gross promptly returned to Site-110; among her belongings were a ceramic tokkuri, a kabuto helmet, and a dirty napkin, upon which was scrawled an apparent declaration of her appointment as the Foundation’s official representative for the “Great and Mighty Lord Enkidu Army.” The Abernathy Company has also extended an open invitation for Junior Researcher Gross to return to observe SCP-9246-A for the foreseeable future.
For her success in documenting the nature of SCP-9246-A and for fostering positive diplomatic relations with both the Abernathy Company and the Enkidu Army, Junior Researcher Gross was awarded a special commendation and a $100 gift card to Amazon.com.
Addendum 9246-02:
On 2024/02/10, exactly one month after the above documented SCP-9246 event, Junior Researcher Gross discovered a note on her desk, the origin of which has yet to be determined. The note’s text has been transcribed below:
How have you been? I’ve been doing my best, plugging away as always.
They say that home is where the heart is.
But it’s perhaps more true that home is where your friends are.
Yes, good friends can make you feel at home wherever you may be.
But we must remember that your friends have lives of their own.
Sometimes the path they must follow will also require them to leave you.
You needn’t worry, however.
You won’t forget them while you await their return.
In the meantime, what better way to keep the memories of your friendship alive than by enjoying those games you used to play together?
Which is why I ask you, my dear friend, to help our former residents keep that spark of camaraderie alive, for as long as you can.
And I hope that maybe you’ll stop by again some time as well.
From Drunkness Street, with love