Maple V — There are still hundreds of items in the cupboards and closets that I haven't gotten to yet.
Item #: SCP-9292
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: For containment procedures for specific objects within SCP-9292, see document 9292-PROCEDURES. To minimize complexity, items from SCP-9292 are to be kept in-situ or, if necessary, contained in Provisional Facility 9292.
Staff entering SCP-9292 must always follow instructions given by 9292 experts (currently Doctor Persephone Nightingale, Coroner Linn Conradi, and Field Specialist Ravn Laake). Staff should not touch any human-made objects within SCP-9292 outside of testing or approved exploration. This notably includes, but is not limited to:
- Roads
- Tiles
- Fences
- Walls
- Doors
Animal life within the borders of SCP-9292 is to be avoided where possible. Plantlife must not be moved outside of SCP-9292 under any circumstances.
General warning:
Do not contact the two asphalt roads in SCP-9292 in any way. Do not step on the roads.
Description: SCP-9292 is the small agricultural village of Innset, Norway. SCP-9292 lies on the south bank of the Faxälven river in Finnmark, consists of 36 significant man-made structures, and as of 2022 it had a population of 17 individuals. SCP-9292 includes 8 domiciles, a small grocery store, a chapel, a graveyard, and a civic center.
Every single human-made object thus far examined in SCP-9292 is anomalous in nature, as are most naturally occurring objects (wildlife, plantlife, rocks, etc). Objects in SCP-9292 have shown a wide variety of anomalous properties, both hazardous and benign. All such objects are referred to as "artefacts" by SCP-9292 researchers, to clearly distinguish SCP-9292 objects from non-anomalous items brought to the village from outside.
Artefacts have variously featured properties that are ontokinetic, ectoentropic, essophysical, memetic, extra-dimensional, pataphysical, thaumaturgical, or tychekinetic in nature. There is no definite pattern to the anomalies, and no singular origin for SCP-9292's nature has been discovered. While all artefacts were created or gained their anomalous properties between 2017 and 2023, the source of these properties may be unique in each case.
A primary goal of research is to understand the origin of SCP-9292.
Table of contents
- North Barn
- Intermediary Log 1
- Chao-family Farmhouse
- Intermediary Log 2
- Fishing Shack
- Intermediary Log 3
- Chapel
- Closing Log
Descriptions of individual structures
North Barn. Illusions are not visible in photographs, and memetic dangers have been edited out. North Chicken Coop visible behind the structure.
North Barn
Lead researcher: Persephone Nightingale
In November, 2022, the Foundation discovered social media posts by known anartist Michael Petrakovich referring a recent event he attended in Norway, which included a picture of the North Barn. Once the location was identified, the North Barn was raided by MTF Upsilon-23 (“Art Critics”), but the location was found to be largely unoccupied.
Michael Petrakovich
⁂mpetrakovich
I had a great fucking time at the #AWCY event, but it sure was a pain to get there. If you want to see my latest work, Unstable Support, you better go there before the despots get to it!
- ECHOES 6
- HUMS 20
02:01 AM - 20 November 2022
Artefact 00001 — The North Barn
Artefact: 20m by 12m wooden barn, painted falun red. The structure has been cleaned from any agricultural grime, and the words "Pleasure and Pain" have been graffiti'd on the front door.
Anomaly: When inside A00001, chronic pain symptoms are significantly decreased.
Notes: I wish I could make this place my office, or bedroom. —Nightingale
Artefact 00002 — Sneezing Man
Artefact: Marcus Doe, a 26-year old man from Delaware. Known member of GoI-0267, the individual was found emaciated on the floor of A00001. Due to regular convulsions, intravenous therapy has not been possible, but the subject has not yet expired from malnutrition. Attempts to interview A00002 have been unsuccessful.
Anomaly: A00002 sneezes loudly every 3 to 7 seconds. Attempts to stop this behavior have not been successful. The incessant sneezing leaves A00002 awake, out-of-breath, and unable to consume food.
Notes: Doe was only wearing a wool sweater with the following text knitted into it: "Untitled". I must interpret the poor guy's condition as somesort of artistic statement. —Conradi
Artefact 00003 — Central body
Artefact: The naked corpse of Laurenz Bronner, a German painter who disappeared 2020. He is taxidermied in the center of the room, looking upwards with his arms akimbo.
Anomaly: When coming into contact with A00003, a subject is struck with a wave of extreme orgasmic pleasure. Thus far, one staff member has died to a myocardial infarction upon touching the subject.
Notes: This seems really crude, even for AWCY. What's worse is that Bronner looks genuinely handsome. Extremely disturbing. —Conradi
Artefact 00004 — Painting of the Sun
Artefact: A pointillist painting depicting a portion of the sun, on a 210cm by 210cm canvas.
Anomaly: A00004 emits light at ~1,000,000 candela, bright enough to blind observers and warm up the room.
Notes: Maybe one of the most gorgeous sights I've ever seen, but not quite worth looking at without eclipse goggles. Just a glance burned me so bad it caused me an instant migraine. —Nightingale
Artefact 00006 — Chemical toilet
Artefact: Blue chemical toilet located just outside the building. While portions of the inside are damaged by thrashing, the toilet is unused.
Anomaly: When an individual sits down in A00006, all urine in their bladder and upper urinary tract is compacted and transmogrified into small crystalized pieces, functioning as kidney stones. The subject's need to urinate typically increases, despite the sudden decrease of liquids.
Notes: No comment. —Nightingale
Artefact 00009 — Photo booth
Artefact: A modified 2012 Danish photo booth, with its curtain removed. The phrase "EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE" is painted on its side.
Anomaly: When a subject takes a seat in A00009, a five-second countdown immediately begins on the booth's digital screen. A subject can leave the booth before the countdown concludes to cancel its anomalous effects. Once the countdown concludes, the screen turns green and displays a second countdown, this time in the form of a white circle that fills itself over the course of 1 minute.
Anything a subject does in the time it takes for the circle to fill up, the subject will retroactively consider to be "their greatest achievement" or apotheosis of their life. The anomaly does so not by elevating the significance of actions taken within the booth, but by diminishing the subjective meaning of everything they had ever done before that point to be less impressive than the actions taken in the booth.
Notes: A saw a man sit down in this thing, do nothing but twiddle his thumbs, wait out the clock, get out, and he was speaking gibberish words, but also, he was ecstatic. I heard he has since quit his job, divorced his wife, disowned his children, and is getting into politics. I do not understand what this thing does to you, but I can tell you I want nothing to do with it. —Nightingale
Artefact 00012 — Labeled plank
Artefact: A 260cm tall untreated wooden plank that is part of the back wall of the structure. The object has a rough texture with visible splinters. The words "LICK ME" are drawn onto it with permanent marker.
Anomaly: Untested.
Notes: Ravn and I have a very definitive "do not touch any planks" policy. We'll get to them someday. —Nightingale
Intermediary Log 1
I wanted to include a recent exploration log to exhibit Specialist Ravn Laake's experience navigating SCP-9292. I regret not having any recordings of how he taught me to traverse the town. Laake's expertise as a local specialist has been invaluable for the research and containment of all objects in SCP-9292. Moreover, this log will hopefully give insight in the experience on-the-ground. —Persephone Nightingale
BEGIN LOG
The footage shows the face of Junior Researcher Rune Tufte, before being turned around and affixed to his winter coat. Once stabilized, the footage depicts SCP-9292 as seen from the east. Several abandoned residences are clearly visible, framed by forest on both sides. Containment Specialist Ravn Laake is visible walking across the field towards the village, keeping a wide berth from pine trees.
Tufte: Hey, wait up!
Tufte stumbles.
Tufte: Could– Couldn't we have taken the footpath? It's right there. It's a dirt path, surely that's safer than the grass? Hey, please, hold up!
Laake stops and turns around.
Tufte: Thanks, woo… After two years in the lab I'm really not–
Laake: Follow in my footsteps.
Laake turns back towards the village and stays still for four seconds. He makes a sudden 90° turn and walks parallel to SCP-9292, hopping over the dirt footpath where he crosses it. Tufte follows.
Tufte: Why did we change direction?
Laake: Squirrel nest.
Tufte: Squirrels? What are they, like, meat-eating squirrels? I heard they have those at Site 19. Or something similar, at least. Maybe they were chipmunks? I always forget what the difference is.
Laake turns 90° again and continues approaching the city. The sound of the river is now vaguely audible on the recording.
Tufte: They probably aren't as scary as the cows we contained in 9292, though, huh? The acid coming out of Victoria's udders would burn those chipmunks to bit if they got near her, though at least she's not as fast and cruel as the goats.
The two personnel pass the Ueland residency. Laake stops again to listen, before slowly taking steps in the direction of the main road.
Tufte: Oh god, I can smell the molten rubber and steel, that is horrid. I didn't even think about how bad the fumes would be. There's the road alright, there's the road…
Tufte: Okay, okay. Just make sure not to touch anything and look where I step. Stay away from the house, stay away from the road, I think I can do this.
The camera movement suggests Tufte is breathing irregularly. Laake stops in place, and Tufte almost bumps into him. Laake turns around and makes eye-contact with Tufte.
Laake: We will wait here until you have calmed down.
Tufte: I'm calm, I think. No, I know, I am calm. I remember your lessons, I remember Linn's lessons, I am fully prepared. Don't touch anything, don't look at anything, follow your footsteps, take it slow…
Laake does not move, retaining eye-contact. Tufte starts regulating his breathing.
Tufte: Okay… In… and out…
Tufte: I am ready.
Laake nods and turns around again. The pair reach the main road and turn left, following a dirt footpath.
Tufte: This is a footpath we can walk on?
Laake: It is A01021. Safe.
Tufte: 01021? Wasn't that… Oh, but I don't feel anything different. I know the file said the universe is identical, but I guess I still expected something to happen?
A slight movement registers in the distance; something seems to peak out from behind the Bergman-family greenhouse.
Tufte: Hey, did you see–
Laake places his hand on Tufte's shoulder.
Laake: Do not approach the chairs.
Tufte: Oh God, I didn't realize.
20 seconds of silence as the two continue walking along the dirt path.
Tufte: There it is, the tile footpath. Ah, I can see the hopscotch tiles. I'll grab my camera, but I gotta keep my distance from them. I really do wonder who drew these. The youngest child in town was already 15 years old, so either these crayon drawings are–
Tufte takes two steps backwards to get a better view of the tiles as a whole, and takes out his photo camera. Laake places his hand on Tufte's shoulder again in order to stop him from accidentally stepping on the asphalt road. Tufte drops his camera on the ground.
Laake: You are still in the village. Prioritize safety.
20 seconds of silence as Tufte slowly picks his camera back up and steps forward, away from the road.
Tufte: I will… Approach them slowly, and look at them one by one.
Tufte: First tile after the hopscotch. Pink, yellow, and white crayon. It shows a princess in a castle. Or just a tower, I think.
Tufte: Tile number 2. Grey, yellow, and blue crayon. A flying saucer in the air.
Tufte: Tile 3 suggests this is a comic strip. Grey, yellow, blue, and white crayon. The UFO is either beaming down or beaming up a person. That long hair and dress probably suggests a girl?
Tufte: Tile 4. The same girl in yellow and white. Green for a t-rex. She seems to fight it with a magic wand with a star on top?
Laake: That is A02154. Persephone found it in the bushes 300 meters in that direction.
Tufte: The wand is real? You're saying these tiles might depict a real series of events? Wait, what does this artefact do?
Laake: It lets out a laser that destroys things.
Tufte: Oh.
Tufte: I guess that explains tile 5. The girl next to a crater with a puff of smoke coming from the wand. That's another picture…
Tufte: Tile 6 has the girl reaching the tower with the princess. Oh, I almost forgot; which one of these have we tested so far?
Laake: Someone stepped on the first tile during first exploration and was sucked into it. You can still see the princess blink sometimes. When there is no wind and no one else around, you can hear her cry out. Persephone placed a test block on what you called tile 2. It was transformed into a small UFO. That's it.
Tufte continues to look at the individual tiles one at a time, taking pictures of each and mumbling to himself.
Tufte: That's the last of them, they're all properly documented now. It's a sweet adventure story, but the ending seems really sad. The two girls leave together in their spaceship, the princess leaving her family behind. What do you think of this raygun in tile 21? Maybe it has somesort of amnesticizing property on the family?
Laake: I do not recognize it. Place a test block on it.
Tufte: You reckon we should make it our first experiment?
Laake: The tiles is why we are here. Just do not touch them yourself.
Tufte removes a standardized test block from his backpack, waits ten seconds, and then slowly places it on the tile with the 'raygun' drawing. The moment Tufte taps the stone with the block, the tile begins to glow in a green hue.
Tufte: What the–
Tufte pulls back when a shape begins to form on top of the tile. The camera feed glitches as the light on the tile cycles through different colors. A metal object resembling the drawn 'raygun' appears on the tile. The crayon illustration lies unchanged beneath it.
Laake: Mystery solved.
Tufte: It's real? Can I just pick this up?
Laake: Follow gun safety rules.
Tufte slowly picks up the item, places it in a plastic bag, and pockets it.
Tufte: Can't wait to test this in the lab. Can we do another one?
Tufte briefly rotates to look at Laake as he asks the question. Laake nods.
Tufte: How about… the alien girl fighting the t-rex in tile 4?
Tufte walks over to the left-most tiles.
Tufte: I've always liked dinosaurs. The story starting with an epic t-rex battle before all of the enchanted woods and magical creatures is pretty silly.
Laake: This experiment might be dangerous.
Tufte: I hope it won't be that bad. These are children's drawings, after all… I should probably knock on wood after saying stuff like that.
Laake: The house's fence is safe to touch, but step around the tiles if you must.
Tufte: It's just a saying. Worst part is that I can never tell if you're serious or just making fun of me.
Laake: I can do both simultaneously.
Tufte sighs and taps Tile 4 with his standardized test block. The tile begins to glow and Tufte takes a step back. The camera feed glitches again as a shape begins to form above the tile. The glowing form quickly increases in size and Tufte takes another step back. As the shape grows beyond an ~80cm diameter, Specialist Laake steps into frame, takes hold of the materializing object with one arm, and throws it in the direction of the Hjelle-family residence.
Tufte: What the–
The shape stops glowing and growing when it collides with Artefact 48201, the impermeable invisible forcefield that extends up from the Hjelle-family's garden fence. Dropping to the floor, the manifested creature is revealed to be a reptilian deinonychus. The dinosaur slowly stands up and extends its tail against A-48201. It is over a meter tall and over two meters long.
Tufte: Is that a velocirap–
The dinosaur crouches and leaps towards Junior Researcher Tufte. Specialist Laake intercepts its jump and pins the deinonychus to the ground, keeping out of range from its talons.
Laake: Run… 20 meters.. south…
Tufte: What? Oh, uh, alright!
Tufte turns away from the scene and runs 40 meters south between the tile path and the road, before turning around. In the distance, Specialist Laake is visible charging into the dinosaur from the side, pushing it onto the asphalt road. Laake is only barely able to stop his own momentum before he would fall onto the road himself. The deinonychus cries out a shrill call as its feet, tail, and lower body melts into a thick liquid.
Tufte: I can't believe it.
Tufte slowly starts walking back to Laake
Tufte: I can't believe it. Did you really just fight a freaking dinosaur and won? That was… that was incredible! How did– Oh god, is that really what it smells like when a velociraptor melts into liquid? God… I didn't know these roads could get any worse, that's just awful! But still–
Laake: That concludes testing for today.
Note that Rune Tufte returned from his first field mission uninjured, and Ravn Laake sustained only minimal injuries despite confronting a highly dangerous entity.—Persephone Nightingale
Chao farmhouse photographed from a safe distance.
Chao-family Farmhouse
Lead researcher: Linn Conradi
House was occupied by Gao Chao (male, 59), Birgit Ekern (female, 42), and Arvid Chao (male, 15). Only trace found of the adults was several blood-smears throughout the kitchen an living room. No trace was found of the child.
Artefact 00038 — Dog
Artefact: A ~10 year old beagle, nametagged "Aurora".
Anomaly: A00038 is able to instantaneously transpose itself to different locations. It uses this ability predominantly to materialize itself inside the head of individuals it perceives as a threat (notably typically any adult who approaches the house). This action instantly destroys the skull and brain, as the matter is expelled to create space for the dog. Entity self-contains; when removed from the Chao-family farmhouse, it consistently teleports back to it.
Notes: Blood-splatter analysis and DNA testing suggests entity likely killed and consumed Birgit. Impossible to confirm. You would expect bones or clothes to stay behind. Gao is still missing. —Conradi
Artefact 00090 — Box of cereal
Artefact: A Kelloggs Smacks Honni Korn box of cereal.
Anomaly: Box slowly refills with processed cereal grains at a rate of one grain per hours when not full. Cereal grains have antiandrogen properties when consumed.
Notes: I have taken to using these for lunch when on-site. —Conradi
Artefact 00091 — Pack of sausages
Artefact: A package of Gilde-brand grill sausages
Anomaly: A00091 materializes on the kitchen-counter (A00078) next to the stove (A00080) at 09:08 every day. Sausages have soporific properties when consumed.
Notes: We're still thinking of a use for these. They knock me right out. —Conradi
Artefact 00112 — Belt
Artefact: Brown leather belt, thoroughly worn. Only piece of apparel found among blood-spatter.
Anomaly: A00112's material is temporarily transfigured into razor wire whenever touched by human hands. Dropping A00112 on a surface produces an anomalously loud slapping noise over 100 dbA.
Notes:
Artefact 00120 — Wired telephone
Artefact: A 1987 beige push-button telephone.
Anomaly: When the horn is removed from its stand, a continuous string of sentences can be heard from it, spoken by an unidentified male.
Notes: A representative partial transcript included below. —Conradi
– Recording Log A00120
"… in Bergen now, but we're flying over to Oslo tonight. The meeting went as expected, the shareholders were receptive. Bill really has no clue what he's doing, my fucking son could draw up better funding proposals than him. I won't be home this weekend, tomorrow we're just dropping by Burger King for dinner and then straight back to the office. Nils took the day off today and I'm really starting to wonder if he's fit for our company. I told you Birgit, I only have the apartment in Bergen to store my extra suits! I usually end up sleeping in the office anyway, you can ask Nils. If Paul wants to move the Saturday meeting to next week, I might take a flight home this weekend, but I can't make any promises. No I haven't been drinking. I started trying out a standing desk in the office, but I think the hype is just some hot air. He's always on that computer of his anyway. You should force him to go outside more."
Artefact 00179 — Rutabaga sack
Artefact: A jute sack containing 623 rutabagas (Brassica napus, or "Swedish turnip").
Anomaly: The sack has internal dimensions 3 times larger than its external dimensions should allow. The root vegetables themselves have not aged or rotten since discovery. Each instance of A00179 triggers a psychosomatic effect when consumed raw and whole.
Notes: Each rutabaga contains a unique memory from the perspective of the child, typically only a few seconds long. I've seen how the kid interacts with classmates, parents, and the dog. Eating an A00179 instance gives an extremely brief insight in the child's psyche. Pain and injury you experience in the memory is also relayed; as my colleagues know I broke my arm through one of these memories. —Conradi
Artefact 00239 — Autism help book
Artefact: A copy of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, found in the book case lying horizontally on top of other books. The item was machine-wrapped in plastic.
Anomaly: When opening the book, every page is filled with the repeated phrase "I HATE YOU". Browsing through the pages can continue indefinitely, as the book appears to have an unbounded number of pages, despite its limited dimensions. Starting around page 650, the text becomes increasingly erratic in font and size. Browsing to beyond page 2000 has triggered anxiety attacks in all researchers.
Notes:
Artefact 00243 — Romance novel 04
Artefact: A copy of To Tame a Sheikh, found in the book case. Well worn.
Anomaly: When reading this book, the reader consistently finds themselves relating strongly with the leading character (Jahora Nazaryan or Sheikh Shaheen Aal Shalaan) opposite the gender of themselves. The book can trigger intense longing for romance among male readers, a "love at first sight" phenomenon in female readers, and homo-erotic desire in both.
Notes: This book is surprisingly compelling. —Nightingale
Artefact 00340 — Child's shirt 03
Artefact: A blue T-shirt.
Anomaly: Article of clothing lengthens significantly when witnessed by no one over the age of 18.
Notes:
Artefact 00345 — Class-W Transportation Gateway
Artefact: Wooden closet doorframe.
Anomaly: When the location was first explored, the closet doorway was discovered glowing and showing the image of a much larger interior space. The doorframe is likely a Class-W Transportation Gateway (or "Way").
Notes: We have not yet been able to re-open the Way. I also don't know why it closed just as the MTF squad first entered the room. —Conradi
Artefact 00349 — Laptop
Artefact: A 2018 HP-brand laptop, found in the child's bedroom. It boots up on a user account named "Alice C."
Anomaly: All data on the hard-drive of the laptop is thaumaturgically locked away in a pocket dimension. It is presumed that the data can be accessed with the correct password. The back of the laptop features several animate stickers depicting popular cartoon characters.
Notes: This item is probably the most indicative of an untrained Type-Green reality-bender. It's a very odd way to encrypt data. It's effective – the hackers at Site 19 are still working on unlocking this thing – but it's clearly done by someone who didn't quite know how powerful they were. —Conradi
Artefact 00351 — Chess Piece
Artefact: A wooden black queen chess piece.
Anomaly: A00351 floats 89cm off the ground in the child's bedroom.
Notes: I don't know what to make of this. There's no chess set anywhere else in the house. I know I'm missing a key piece of information here and it's driving me mad. —Conradi
Intermediary Log 2
Hereby included an interview I held with Conradi about her research into the Chao household. —Persephone Nightingale
BEGIN LOG
Nightingale: Why do you eat an A00179 instance every evening?
Conradi: This is in part because those roots are disgusting. I could not subject myself to them more than once a day. But more importantly, I really need half an hour to an hour after consuming one to process the experience, the information.
Nightingale: What I meant was, why do you eat them at all? You aren't expected to–
Conradi: Persephone, you know why I'm here. Why do you want to hear this again?
Nightingale: This is just for the record, Linn. You've been very quiet to the higher-ups about your analysis.
Conradi: Fuck the record. I'll publish my research when my analysis is complete, but there are still hundreds of items in the cupboards and closets that I haven't gotten to yet.
Nightingale: Please, Linn…
Conradi: I guess I can say this. I eat them, because I am certain the girl found them just as disgusting as I do.
Fishing shack.
Fishing Shack
Lead researcher: Ravn Laake
Riverside experiencing mass die-off due to high levels of pollution.
Artefact 00495 — The fishing shack
Artefact: A 4 meter by 5 meter wooden structure, positioned on the dock near the river. Structure is continuously leaking water from its seams, and its door does not open. All surfaces of the structure are covered with a layer of fine particles.
Anomaly: Organic matter that comes in contact with A00495 or particles taken from it, immediately experience excessive mutations. This is most commonly manifested as exposed skin tissue developing cancerous tumor growths at an accelerated pace.
Notes: You cannot remove the dust, and it is not worth trying. Patches of this dust are found on the ground across the river bank. Avoid breathing. —Laake
Artefact 00697 — Fishing shack entity
Artefact: Entity that lives inside of A00495.
Anomaly: Scanning of A00495 has revealed the existence of an animate figure inside, around 2 meter tall. A00697 appears to sporadically swim inside of the small structure.
Notes: We should leave him be. —Laake
Artefact 00700 — River water
Artefact: Water of the Faxälven River.
Anomaly: Water is contaminated with an emulsion of polylactic acid and small suspended pockets of petroleum. The mixed liquid glows a faint yellow in the dark. Humans can respirate while submerged in this liquid, but the low oxygen levels result in hypoxia (confusion, disorientation, hallucinations, headaches, etc). Unintentionally inhaling petroleum bubbles is unavoidable during longer freediving sessions and is lethal.
Notes: I am investigating the source of the contamination. Downstream of the Faxälven River is non-anomalous due to artefact 00701. 10 km upstream is non-anomalous as well, but dense forestry impedes exploration. —Laake
Artefact 00701 — Beaver Dam
Artefact: Beaver dam on western edge of town.
Anomaly: The structure filters the anomalous material from A00700. Water appears to flow into the branch impoundment, but only water polluted with large quantities of ammonia and salt are released on the other side of A00702. This non-anomalous polluted water is sent downstream. Anomalously sapient beavers are found living inside A00702, but they rarely exit the structure.
Notes: Interview log enclosed —Nightingale
– Interview Log A00701
Begin log
Nightingale: Hello! Is anyone there?
Nightingale: Hello? I know you're in there!
Ten seconds pass
Nightingale: I brought a Twix!
Beaver A: TWIX?
Beaver B and C: TWIX? TWIX?
Three beavers pop into view at the top of the structure. The distinct shrill voices come from the direction of the creatures, but they do not appear to use any muscles to speak.
Nightingale: There you are! Who is your leader?
Beaver A: NO
Beaver B: NO LEADER
Beaver A: NO HIERARCHY
Beaver C: EVIL
Beaver B: NO BOSSES
Beaver A: NO OWNER
Beaver B: NO SHAREHOLDERS
Beaver C: NO INVESTMENT BANKER
Beaver B: NO MIDDLE MANAGERS
Beaver A: NO MANAGERS AT ALL
Beaver C: TWIX? RAIDER?
Beaver B: TWIX?
Doctor Persephone tosses the Twix bar towards the family of beavers. Beaver C catches it with its paw, successfully removes its wrapping, breaks the Twix in half, and hands each half to its companions before licking its own paws clean.
Persephone Nightingale scribbles notes
Nightingale: Can you tell us what is up with the water?
Beaver A: THE COPIOUS MOISTURE
Beaver B: THE GOLDEN DEW
Beaver C: THE MIRACULOUS IRRIGATION
Beaver A: IT FEEDS US
Beaver C: LIKE TWIX
Beaver A: IT NOURISHES US
Beaver B: THE LIQUID
Beaver A: IT NOURISHES AND LETS US SEE ALL
Beaver B: ALL
Beaver C: ALL
Persephone Nightingale scribbles notes
Nightingale: What do you learn from the golden water?
Beaver A: TOO MUCH
Beaver B: MUCH TOO MUCH
Beaver A: WAR
Beaver C: DECAY
Beaver B: SLAVERY
Beaver A: PAIN
Beaver B: HORRIBLE SMELLS
Beaver A: STEEL AND PLASTIC
Beaver C: DECAY AGAIN
Beaver A: IT'S A MISTAKE
Beaver B: IT'S A MIIIIISTAKE
Persephone Nightingale scribbles notes
Nightingale: Do you drink the water?
30 seconds of silence
Beaver A: UH
Beaver C: IT TASTES LIKE PETROCHEMICALS
The three beavers hide back within their dam and don't respond to further calls from Doctor Nightingale.
Persephone Nightingale scribbles notes
Laake: I don't trust them.
Artefact 00709 — School of sharks
Artefact: A school of 50–100 Greenland sharks (Somniosus microcephalus), each 3cm long and 8mm in diameter.
Anomaly: The group can communicate telepathically, possibly through a hivemind mechanic. Externally receivable information is limited to speech such as "They're coming! They're coming!" and "Swim faster! Get away!" Trace elements suggest extra-dimensional origins.
Notes: High stress levels recorded. Entities are vulnerable to petroleum bubbles and acidic elements. —Laake
Artefact 00722 — Acidic stickleback
Artefact: 500–1000 Three-spined stickleback (Gasterosteus aculeatus).
Anomaly: Typical in appearance and behavior, but body conducts itself as an extremely acidic liquid when interacting with solids or liquids besides water. Species derives nourishment from dissolving nutrients within their bodies.
Notes: Dangerous. —Laake
Artefact 00733 – Oleaginous crab
Artefact: Atelecyclus undecimdentatus crab, a species typical of Atlantic coastal regions and not endemic to Norway.
Anomaly: 20% of the crab's body mass (predominantly its limbs) has been converted into a solid black grease substance. Any organic matter that contacts this substance is instantly converted to a similar, inert material.
Notes: All the blackened spots of dead, solidified grass give a very clear view of where the crab comes and goes. I feel like it's in pain. Can crabs feel pain? —Nightingale
Intermediary Log 3
I took the liberty of copy-editing Specialist Laake's recent investigation report for wider publication. I'm actively working with him to write a comprehensive paper on the river anomalies, but until then this might suffice as a summary of Ravn's immediate findings. —Nightingale
On June 5, 2023, I finally reached the point-of-origin of A00700. The forest in which it is nestled is covered by cancerous dust, but I have marked out a navigable route through it. The forest is too quiet. I have reported six human corpses discovered so far (lumps of cancerous flesh in overalls).
Three kilometers up-river, well outside town borders, stands the skeleton of a 1980s-style factory building. It is not visible on any satellite imagery. Its subfloor is filled with a thick, foul-smelling mixture of liquid plastic and crude oil, which slowly leaks out into the river through small pipes.
The structure is large, but seems to have consisted exclusively of workfloors and ovens. Six collapsed chimneys are distinctly recognizable. We have not found any semblance of administrative offices, computers, or desks. There are a few rusted remains of conveyors and cutting machines. Rusted rebar protrudes from the concrete walls and floors, which are piercing hazards. The degree of overall decay is inconsistent with the age of the structure.
The only unstained objects are thirty steel pallets standing in the center of the building. Each hold 50,000 transparent "iPhone 6 Plus"-fitted phone cases in unmarked plastic packaging. —Laake
Laake is of the impression that this Factory was not build by people. I would like to believe so too. Conradi is adamant some billionaire capitalist set it up, but even she can't explain the outdated phone cases. Regardless of what the Factory is, it is by far the most unbearable place I have ever been in. —Nightingale
Only known historic photograph of the chapel.
Chapel
Lead researcher: Persephone Nightingale
Built in 1905, the chapel was known to host weekly Lutheran mass by Dr. eccl. Ártne Ártnesen since 1999. There are no records of the Diocese of Nord-Hålogaland visiting the chapel since 1965, and the Church of Norway fully lost contact with Ártnesen in 2016.
Artefact 01106 — Crucifix
Artefact: A crucifix sculpture of Jesus Christ hanging above the chancel in the chapel.
Anomaly: Every night between sunset and sunrise (thus significantly longer in winter than in summer), the sculpture becomes animate and capable of vocalizations. It primarily spends these periods moaning and screaming in apparent agony.
Notes: It honestly feels validating to hear Jesus cuss me out and tell me to go to hell. We've requested the higher-ups if we can put this guy out of his misery. —Conradi
Artefact 01126 — Church pews
Artefact: Four rows of wooden benches with minimal back-support, flanking a central aisle.
Anomaly: What initially appears as a rough surface of splinters are actually microscopic syringes. When one or more subjects sit on any of the pews, the syringes puncture the skin at multiple locations on the buttocks, causing significant discomfort. Blood is drawn out by some of the splinters and transfused with the other subjects. It is unknown how the blood travels between the benches.
This process does not result in alloimmune reactions, but does spread bloodborne diseases. The shared immune-system created by A01126 can serve as a method to fight diseases faster, at the cost of infecting everyone involved. After a half-hour session on A01126, blood levels equalize between all subjects, but it is theorized some blood is lost in this process.
Notes: The altered behavior of white blood cells traveling through A01126 is subject to study. Creepy as these things are, their therapeutic potential is real. —Nightingale
Artefact 01128 — Votive candles
Artefact: A set of 28 small candles, set into a glass altar.
Anomaly: None of the candles have extinguished since the first exploration of the chapel. The glass altar is unstained despite the large amount of carbon released by the candles. The fire is 500° hotter than expected from this type of candle. Material testing of the wax has revealed it to consist of human adipose tissue (body fat).
Notes: Is it ironic to use the remains of a dead body to pray for the dead? Either way, it stinks. —Conradi
I think they smell weirdly good.—Nightingale
Artefact 01134 — Pulpit
Artefact: A hexagonal raised stand seemingly carved out of a single massive piece of bone. Carvings in its exterior do not match known Christian iconography. Its five accessible sides each depict a central figure overcoming violent trials laid upon him by larger figures above him. One side is entirely obstructed by a wall.
Anomaly: Interior of the pulpit (accessible by climbing the mobile stairs chained to the structure, A001136) is filled with organic matter. While most of the material resembles human intestines and esophaguses, the mass also contains an unknown number of small eggs of anomalous entities. Since discovery, eight of these eggs have hatched to reveal skinless serpentile creatures, which have been successfully stunned and contained.
Notes: I expect some of these snakes may have escaped the chapel and are brooding elsewhere. I keep my eye out for them in my scouting. —Laake
Artefact 02331 — Central altar
Artefact: A wooden altar in the center of the chancel.
Anomaly: Anomaly is only functional when the church doors (A01101) are closed. Pouring human blood on five specific decorations on the altar's surface activates its effect. The altar splits in two and each half slowly slides out of the way to reveal an opening in the floor. Stairs have been hewn into the foundation, leading to a secret basement.
Notes: Took some real sleuthing to figure this one out. —Nightingale
Artefact 02334 — Russo-Solomonari sigils
Artefact: Basement floor and walls are covered with sigils of hybrid proto-Karcist design. A large central sigil, 2m in diameter, connects to all the smaller sigils in the room with intricate linework. Glass flasks are positioned on each smaller sigil.
Anomaly: When two or more individuals stand within the central sigil simultaneously, all sigils begin to radiate a dim red light. Over the course of 30 to 120 minutes, the two individuals are physically pulled together, their skin blending together. The bodies merge into a single gestalt form, and excess blood and viscera are transported into the glass flasks.
Notes: See my article in the July and September 2025 issues of Anomalous Transactions, or alternatively, read my story in Astonishing Anomalies 5/25 for the real insights. —Conradi
Artefact 02335 — Organic desk chair
Artefact: A desk chair of professional construction.
Anomaly: While its wooden frame appears non-anomalous, the leather backing and seating flutters rhythmically. Both pieces of fabric make distinct squealing noises when an individual sits down.
Notes: Both are marked with Karcist tattoos, and both match human DNA. A man and a woman, but we've otherwise not been able to identify them. I think they enjoy it when people sit on them. I wonder if they signed up for this. —Conradi
Artefact 02337 — Dictation machine
Artefact: A Zoom H4n digital portable dictation machine, resting on the fleshy mass of A02336.
Anomaly: Machine's playback function has been engaged since discovery, and cannot be turned off. Limited investigation of the device' interior has revealed masses of biological matter, predominantly matching sealife DNA.
Notes: Segment of A022337's 4-hour loop of a sermon held by priest Ártne Ártnesen included below.
– Recording Log A02337
Ártnesen: When Karcist d'Ambrosia went down here and saw my father… All he saw was heresy. But he didn't even see a fifth of all the heresy! You! Yes you! You are turtles all the way down of heresy! You commit irreverence in your dreams, but it is your dreams which present to you the gospel. One heart, one mission, one true religion. Only once one can grow beyond God could one control the Halkost flesh within you, but only once one grows beyond the flesh can one reach the stars. We have been distracted, brainwashed, lulled into a sense of belonging. We do not belong! Not to ourselves, not to eachother, and most of all we do not belong to the stars. Belonging is a myth we must cleanse ourselves from. We must not think of needs, because even the sheep of God could leave his needs behind. The Karcists have taught us the techniques to reach ultimate penance, but even this is merely a need we must forego. We will let go of not just every part of ourselves, but the whole of ourselves, destroying the Elysium Fields in our wake and grasping the universe itself.
Artefact 02338 — Ceiling fresco
Artefact: A rock-hewn stairway (A02336) in the office room leads down 5 meters into a circular domed room, 5 meter in diameter. The room's ceiling features an intricate and largely accurate fresco painting of a starlit sky. Constellations are clearly visible, but unmarked and slightly offset from their factual positions.
Anomaly: Stars in the painting move in a circular pattern over the course of 24 hours, matching actual stellar motion. Stars emit a low level of light, dimly illuminating the otherwise dark room.
Notes: Five bright equidistant stars have been added to the painting.
Artefact 02339 — Star Signals
Artefact: A book discovered on a lectern (A02340) in the domed room.
Anomaly: An instance of SCP-1425.
Notes: Incinerated.
Artefact 023010
Artefact: An organic heart valve discovered beyond a crack in the wall of the domed room. The organ is 1 meter in diameter and is embedded in the rock floor.
Anomaly: Organic structure is unexplained and continues to pulsate.
Notes: Indirect DNA mapping suggests a match with Ártne Ártnesen (DNA mapped through Ártnesen's aunt who participated in a Sámi genetic study).
Artefact 02311
Artefact: A 20cm–40cm flat stone, discovered in the cavity 20 meters down from A02310.
Anomaly: Artifact is warm to the touch.
Notes: Sieidi. —Laake
Closing Log
Nightingale: So, why do you think this town is inundated with anomalies?
Conradi: Are we really doing this now? Percy, please, can't we–
Nightingale: Hey, we're all together! You know tomorrow morning Ravn will go out early again to continue cleaning up the forest. Now is as good a time as any!
Tufte: He's actually, uh, going to set out with me again.
Nightingale: Oh? More clues about the kids?
Tufte: Ravn spotted something that might be a treehouse. It's covered by the dust so I'd rather not get too close to it, but it might match the tower from the drawing?
Conradi: You don't think the UFO is actually out there, do you?
Tufte: I have to believe.
Laake: It is a new structure. We should investigate.
Nightingale: I agree, but we've gone off-topic.
Conradi: Oh Christ, you're recording this? At least warn us before you do that.
Nightingale: It's for the record. I want to finally publish something significant, I can't keep waiting for the two of you to complete your focal projects. Our scip file has been three paragraphs for years now and the higher-ups are breathing on my neck here!
Conradi: Ok, ok, I guess it beats whatever game Rune brought.
Tufte: Aw, but–
Nightingale: Please someone just answer the question!
Conradi: Why is the town all magical? There's a dozen reasons. The Chicago Spirit built stable timeloops here to smuggle Daevite artifacts. An old man mail-ordered hundreds of Egypt-themed Wondertainment toys until he was raided by ORIA for some godforsaken reason. There's no pattern to the madness here.
Laake: I don't think that's what Persephone meant, Linn.
Nightingale: Yes, it's clear enough that dozens of anomalous people and organizations are involved. But, for example, the village Ravn is from is only a few kilometers downstream. Why–
Laake: Was.
Nightingale: Uh, yeah… Point is, why is this village specifically such a… rich hub of magic. For better or worse.
Tufte: Aliens?
Conradi: I was thinking leylines, maybe. But I don't think it's an interesting question at all.
Nightingale: Not this again..
Conradi: No please, hear me out. We're dealing with magic here. The anomalous. I think it was inevitable for a place like this to come about. Once magic was invented, there had to someday be a place where all of it would come together.
Ten seconds of silence
Conradi: It's like life in the universe! If life is possible, then there must be a single spot somewhere where you can find all sorts of life all huddled together. And that right there, that's the earth. Most of the world is just boring mundanity, but there's one magical spot where everything is interesting and vibrant.
Five seconds of silence
Tufte: I still think it's aliens.
Laake: I've never heard someone describe my home as "vibrant" before. Tens of people died here.
Conradi: It isn't a big vibrant city, but lots of people still lived fascinating lives here. It's just a shame it turned out to be so… unstable.
Conradi: Deadly.
Twenty seconds of silence
Nightingale: I could spend an entire lifetime here and only see a fragment of all the amazing things people have built here.
Conradi: Yeah.
Nightingale: But at the same time…
Conradi: Hmm?
Nightingale: My world has become so small. My entire universe is inside of this village's borders now.
Tufte: You should've come with our group to see the glaciers last month. They were gorgeous.
Laake: We are only an hour's drive away from the Tysfjorden.
Conradi: You never visited Tromsø, did you?
Nightingale: I get it, I get it, I should take a vacation.
Conradi: I think this is one of the most beautiful places on earth, at least if you get away from the polluted river, the molten cars, and the screaming Jesus.
Nightingale: Maybe you two aren't the only ones that are obsessively sucked into this place.
Conradi: I still work for the Foundation. I do my job, but I can appreciate some nature.
Laake: I live here.
Nightingale sighs
Nightingale: Well, maybe once I've edited this interview log into a reasonable format, I'll go on a hike through the mountains. It would be good for me.
Conradi: Girl, just publish it as-is. You've been working on this for months now. Let Site 19 figure things out from here.
Nightingale: Funny for you to say that.
Conradi: I'm not going to leave a single stone unturned in my research, but the overview file just needs to be accessible. I am doing a single house, you do the whole town. Publish it and see what people think afterwards.
Nightingale: I'll sleep on it and see tomorrow…
Nightingale: For now though… any concluding thoughts?
Conradi: You're a nerd.
Laake: The town is dangerous and it is a grave, but Conradi is correct, it is also wonderful. I am glad that I have been able to investigate it with such a passionate team, and I am looking forward to investigate it more.
Nightingale: Well said, Ravn. Thank you.