A photograph of SCP-9315
Item #: SCP-9315
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9315 is located at Site 112 and is contained by a thaumatologically sealed spatial isolation chamber. Procedure 85-Hyperion must be conducted every 60 days in order to maintain seal integrity.
Description: SCP-9315 is an apple pie measuring 30 centimeters in diameter that possesses the ability to transmute other forms of matter into itself through direct contact. The transmutated material retains the same properties as the original anomaly, allowing the anomaly to "spread" at a exponential rate. No upper bound on this rate of conversion is known to exist.
Addendum 9315-2:
On December 29th, the Overseer Council informed the rest of the Foundation of an imminent budget failure, following their inability to successfully pass a budget for the Foundation Fiscal Year 2026. This resulted in the furlough of non-containment essential personnel, the withdrawal of certain amenities for humanoid anomalies, and the creation of the Department of Monetary Efficiency.
Furthermore, all thaumaturges assisting with the execution of Procedure 85-Hyperion were furloughed. Although thaumaturgy was necessary for SCP-9315 containment, the Department of Thaumaturgy as a whole was considered non-critical, and its staff were furloughed accordingly.
This oversight forced new, cost effective containment procedures to be developed, which proved to be more difficult than anticipated.
On January 1st, the Foundation entered a lapse in appropriations, without a suitable replacement for SCP-9315 containment procedures. Over the course of the following month and a half, the quality of SCP-9315's spatial isolation chamber deteriorated accordingly.
With no end to the budget crisis in sight, growing concerns about the risk of an NK-Class "Grey Goo" Scenario in case of a containment breach led to the intervention of the O5 Council on February 13th, who authorized the recall of all needed Thaumaturges. However, a quick inquiry revealed that virtually all Thaumaturges who had previously worked for the Foundation were now employed by other GOIs, presumably to make ends meet. This action, done without the approval of the O5 Council, constituted as an act of mass treason, punishable at minimum by termination of employment.
Following this, Director Eric Livesey petitioned Director Ethan Morgans to adopt his department's financially efficient containment procedures, which was initially rejected as unnecessarily risky. However, the O5 Council was preoccupied investigating the total defection of the entire Department of Thaumaturgy and were unavailable to approve funding for alternative containment procedures. Facing imminent failure of the seal surrounding SCP-9315, Director Morgans reluctantly agreed to proceed with the Director Livesey's proposal.
SCP-9315, 30 minutes before liftoff
On February 27th, a day before projected containment failure, SCP-9315 was loaded onto a Foundation-owned Falcon Heavy rocket during a routine launch. Upon reaching orbit, SCP-9315 was successfully deployed in Low Earth Orbit, where it is currently projected to remain undisturbed for the foreseeable future.
Addendum 9315-3:
On March 6th, the Artemis II spacecraft was launched from Kennedy Space Center and entered Low Earth Orbit. On March 7th, the Orion module of the Artemis began its translunar injection burn to achieve a lunar flyby, but collided with SCP-9315 in the process. This collision, which occurred at a speed estimated to be in excess of 10,000 kmph, resulted in the total destruction of the Orion, with an estimated 98% of its mass converted into SCP-9315 instances. The resulting fragments, many of which are too small to be detected by Foundation satellites, are projected to collide with the Moon in 3 days. No preventative actions will be feasible.
The Moon is projected to be fully converted into an instance of SCP-9315, designated SCP-9315-1, by March 10th. As of this date; the Foundation has begun preparations for a Lifted Veil Scenario. Contact your site supervisor for more information.
Meeting of the O5 Council, partial transcript
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
O5-1: So, gentlemen. How did this happen.
O5-5: I don’t even want to know. Whose idea was this?
O5-12: Not ours.
O5-8: It was Director Livesey's, apparently. He believed that it would have been a more… um, cost effective … method of containment.
O5-2: Regardless of whose idea it was, we're going to need a way to deal with what's about to be one of the biggest crisis in our history.
O5-2: In about 4 days, the world is going to witness the entire Moon turn into a pie. Not only will the veil be shattered, it'll also paint a target on our backs. Eight?
O5-8: Right now my analysts at the Department of Continuity, well, the ones that haven’t been furloughed, are predicting that we're going need a whole lot of extra money to deal with the fallout, at least in the hundreds of millions.
O5-4: Hundreds of millions? What's the issue there? If we go public, doesn't that mean we'll have to spend less money on keeping everything a secret?
O5-8: Well, not exactly. The idea is that most people around the world wouldn't be happy that there's been a organization keeping magical murder monsters and WMDs behind their backs.
O5-8: Once word gets out about us, a lot of world governments will be… more than incentivized, to investigate us.
O5-4: And the Foundation will be dissolved. Our assets will be seized and confiscated.
O5-8: Exactly.
O5-4: Well, shit.
O5-8: If anyone has any ideas, it would be good to hear them.
The council falls into silence. Seeing no one else has anything to offer, O5-13 speaks up.
O5-13: Well then, I think you all will be glad to hear what I have to say.
O5-13: We won't be the only group having to deal with a broken veil, the Chaos Insurgency, the GOC, everyone's going to be under scrutiny. But if we can revert to Moon to normal, we'll at the very least earn everyone's goodwill. We can be their saviors, and in turn, put more pressure on our rivals.
O5-4: I assume we're going to be keeping our involvement in causing this a secret?
O5-13: Yes. No one else can know if this is going to work. Only Foundation personal should know about the pie, and their silence can be guaranteed.
O5-1: Are you absolutely certain that we can keep this a secret? If word got out—
O5-13: Yes. If we can play our cards right, we might emerge out of this relatively unscathed and as the dominant player in the anomalous world. At the very least, it'll put us ahead the GOC.
O5-1 frowns, displeased at being interrupted. Other O5's look at each other, nodding in agreement.
O5-4: Hold on, how exactly do you plan to return the Moon to its natural state. That's not exactly going to be an easy task.
O5-8: Agreed. Half of our staff are currently furloughed, and we're going to have to deal with that before we can deal with anything else.
O5-13: I’m aware of our current predicament. But right now, I’ve had the O4’s meet up and they’re all drafting up solutions. It's all just a matter of time before they find one, and we can make this problem go away.
O5-1 scoffs.
O5-1: You’re telling me this entire issue is simply going to go away once we turn the Moon back into, well, Moon.
O5-13: It’ll be a start.
O5-1: Fair. Fair.
O5-8: Well then, shall we put it to a vote?
[END TRANSCRIPT]
Following a unanimous vote to restore funding to the SCP Foundation, the O5 Council assigned the O4 Council the task of establishing jurisdiction over SCP-9315-1. While normally jurisdiction of an anomaly would be established via an independent committee, the scale of the SCP-9315-1 anomaly necessitated the involvement of the O4 Council.
Emergency meeting of the O4 Council, partial transcript
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
The O4 Council has been locked in debate for the past 30 minutes. Dir. Alto Clef begins to speak.
Dir. Clef: Why the fuck are we here.
Senior Commander Thompson: Clef, please.
Dir. Clef: No, seriously. The whole fucking Moon’s a skip, and you’re telling me we’re suppose to fix this somehow?
Dir. Morgans: It doesn’t matter what the Moon is, we still have a duty to fix it and preserve normalcy.
Dir. Clef: Normalcy my ass. I’ve been listening to Adams and Mann argue for the past 20 minutes about whether the skip belongs to the “Department of Astronomy” or the “Department of Culinary Anomalies”.
Dir. Adams: It's literally a pie, we study these every week.
Dir. Mann: Yes and it's in the sky. Y’know, the place we study.
Dir. Adams: It's still a pie!
Dir. Clef: Don't start Adams. Why do we even have a department of “Culinary Anomalies" What do you guys even do?! This is why we’re in a budget crisis because the O5s can’t budget for shit!
Senior Commander Thompson sighs.
Senior Commander Thompson: Clef.
Dir. Clef: Don’t get me started commander. I mean no offense, but the fact you’re here tells me the O5s have no clue what to do. I mean what are you supposed to do? Send Samsara to nuke the Moon? Were you gonna call it Operation Dessert Storm?
Dir. Clef: They really just called every department head into a room and expected us to just walk out with a solution in what? 30 minutes? Some people aren’t even here! Hell I haven’t seen the Director of the Antimemetics Division. Is she even here?!
Senior Commander Thompson is noticeably frustrated
Senior Commander Thompson: Clef. Enough.
Dir. Clef: Look I don’t know what you guys are planning to accomplish, but I for one, am done with cleaning up after the O5s. As far as I’m concerned, they can take this skip, and shove it up their—
Senior Commander Thompson: CLEF!
Commander Thompson hits the table with his fists. Several other attendees flinch in surprise.
There is a short pause as Commander Thompson prepares to speak. All eyes in the room are watching him, waiting to see what he will do next.
Senior Commander Thompson: All of us have a duty to this world. As much as it hurts me, a soldier, to say this, it goes beyond our loyalty to the Foundation and our ability to believe in the O5s. We’re all in this room not because of money, or power, but because we’re united by a single goal: to protect the world from the horrors in the dark, to ensure that our fellow man can live in peace, free from whatever lurks in the night.
Senior Commander Thompson: No matter what kind of chaos or anomaly we face, no matter what idiocracy the O5s get up to, there are still people out there, even if they don't realize it, that depend on us for help.
Senior Commander Thompson: So please Clef, and everyone else, let's just take a step back, and see if we can’t find anything else. Not for the O5’s, not for the Foundation, but for the world. And the people we swore to protect.
The room sits in silence, contemplating his words. Dir. Adams breaks the silence
Dir. Adams: Guys I just received an email from the Overseers. Looks like they're not going public with the anomaly after all.
Commander Thompson: What?
Dir. Adams: Yeah apparently they’re going to cover it up and pretend they don’t know anything about it.
Commander Thompson struggles to comprehend this information.
Dir. Adams: Now they’re asking one of us to step up and take responsibility for fixing it.
Dir. Adams: So uhh… Who’s up for it?
There is a short silence
Dir. Morgans: Well obviously I think that responsibility should fall on either Adams or Mann, considering how much you’ve both been fighting over jurisdiction
Dir. Mann: Uhh hang on, Adams obviously has a much better claim over this entity.
Dir. Adams: Me?!?!
Dir. Mann: Well yeah, in fact, I feel like your department has a lot more experience with food based anomalies than ours.
The O4's council begins to argue amongst themselves again
After a few minutes resting his head and arms on the table, Director Clef stands up from his chair, turns around, and exits the meeting room.
[END TRANCRIPT]
On March 9th, the Overseer Council voted to reveal the existence of the Foundation, but to deny any involvement in the creation of SCP-9315-1. The Administrator was granted emergency powers in order to organize a global response to the emerging anomaly, while the Department of Culinary Anomalies was tasked with the responsibility of researching and reverting it.
On March 10th, SCP-9315-1 manifested in Lunar Orbit. While not obvious immediately, the event would have several unanticipated effects that emerged over the following weeks.
Due to SCP-9315 having a lower density than lunar rock, SCP-9315-1 possesses only a third of the mass of the Moon. This lower mass prevents SCP-9315-1 from maintaining tidal and oceanic circulation patterns, resulting in:
- The formation of hypoxic dead zones in intertidal and pelagic zones
- The decline of many marine species reliant on planktonic food sources
- Unpredictable large scale swings in climate in many tropical areas
- Significant decreases in agricultural productivity
- The emergence of famine in multiple nations
SCP-9315-1’s continued presence was projected to lead to a GK-Class “Dead Greenhouse” scenario, comparable to a seventh mass extinction event.
It was determined that the Department of Culinary Anomalies was not properly equipped to handle a mass extinction event, and jurisdiction was promptly transferred to the newly-created Anomalous Response Committee.
While the Anomalous Response Committee was much more well equipped than its predecessor, delays in its formation hindered its ability to assist.
This perceived inaction caused public opinion of the Foundation to decline as a result. To maintain their reputation, the O5 Council approved and prepared the release and usage of multiple Thaumiel class anomalies to expedite humanitarian efforts.
However, on March 25th, the Serpent's Hand and Global Occult Coalition revealed the true origins of SCP-9315-1, causing, both groups, alongside numerous other groups of interest and world governments, to break away from the Anomalous Response Committee to create the Joint-Paranormal Action Committee. The SCP Foundation was not invited to join. Soon after, an ultimatum was sent to the Administrator, demanding the Foundation hand over all information relevant to SCP-9315, or risk the total seizure of Site 112. Meanwhile, the O5 Council ordered an investigation into Foundation internal affairs to determine the source of the leak.
During the investigation, it was revealed that confidential information regarding SCP-9315 was divulged by Containment Specialist Winston Achimore. Dr. Achimore was a former thaumaturge who had helped to enact Procedure 85-Hyperion for SCP-9315, and defected to the Serpent’s Hand after being furloughed. It is believed that Dr. Achimore had initially withheld information about SCP-9315, but divulged said information after Foundation counter-espionage attempted to apprehend him.
Emergency meeting of the O5 Council, partial transcript
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
O5-3: We seem to be having a lot of these emergency meetings these days
O5-1: Shut it, Three. I want answers, not sarcasm.
O5-1: Eight, what have you got?
O5-8: RAISA’s telling me that this leak was from a defector.
O5-1: Do they know any more than that or can they give us a name?
O5-8 quickly flips through his notebook
O5-8: Dr. Winston Achimore. He was a thaumaturge that worked on the SCP-9315 containment team before he got furloughed. Looks like he joined the Serpent's Hand afterwards. Foundation agents tried to infiltrate one of their bases in order to apprehend him and return him to Foundation custody, but he got away. Looks like he told them the news afterward—
O5-1: Hold on. You’re telling me this guy was on the pie’s containment team?
O5-8 pauses for a moment, then realizes the implications of what he has just said.
O5-8: RAISA’s telling me that he was on the containment team. I wasn’t aware that he–
O5-1: THIRTEEN.
Enraged, O5-1 turns towards O5-13. At this moment, O5-13 makes a critical realization, and his eyes quickly widen
O5-1: You IDIOT! Did you know?!
O5-13: Well— I— No? Overseers don’t read special containment procedures. We leave that to the–
O5-1: Don’t tell me what I read and don’t read, tell me what the fuck went wrong.
O5-13: I—— well–— Director Morgans should have known about this, he’s the one who oversaw its containment.
O5-1: I will phone that man right now, and I hear otherwise, I will have you shot.
O5-1 pulls out his mobile device and calls Dir. Morgans.
Dir. Morgans: Hello? Who is this?
O5-1: Morgans, listen, it's me, [REDACTED FOR SECURITY]. Why the fuck didn’t you tell Thirteen about Dr. Achimore.
Dir. Morgans: Dr. Who?
O5-1: Dr. Achimore. He worked on your containment team a while back for SCP-9315.
Dir. Morgans: Oh him! Yeah, he was with us for a few days before he was rotated out. What about him?
O5-1 closes and opens his eyes, and sighs.
O5-1: Look, why the fuck didn’t you tell Thirteen about him? He told the Hand everything about the fucking pie!
A brief pause
Dir. Morgans: Oh shit. I thought counter-intelligence had that handled?
O5-1: No you idiot. They didn’t have it handled because you never told us.
Dir. Morgans: Huh? I thought you guys already knew this?
O5-1: No, we fucking didn’t. How the fuck were we supposed to know if you didn’t tell us!?
Dir. Morgans: I thought you guys already knew. You guys always tell us about how you have everything handled so I just assumed thirteen knew about it.
O5-1: He can’t know if you don’t tell him!
Dir. Morgans: I thought he already had it figured out, he always talks about how good his plans are. Why would he have suggested to hide that information if he already knows that it's been compromised.
O5-1: Well still, you should have at least checked with him.
Dir. Morgans: Don’t you guys have access to all SCP documents too? Hey wait, how did this happen–
O5-1 hangs up. In one motion, he rests his arms on the desk, and his head in his arms.
O5-1: I’m going to shoot myself.
O5-1: What the fuck do we do now.
O5-1: The entire world's gonna be on our asses in a day. The Foundation will be dissolved, our research seized, and we’re going to be 6 feet under by next week.
O5-1: Does anybody have any suggestions?
There is a moment of silence as the Overseers look around at each other. O5-8 breaks the silence.
O5-8: Well, the issue is that most people believe we’re responsible.
O5-8: If we just make them believe otherwise, we should be in the clear.
There are murmurs of ascent among the other members of the O5 Council.
O5-1: And what’s your plan to accomplish this, Eight?
O5-8: Well, amnestics production has reached an all time high last year.
[END TRANCRIPT]
Following this meeting, the Department of Culinary Anomalies collaborated with several other Departments to execute Project-9315-1, an effort to edit the collective memory of humanity to implant and reinforce the idea that the Moon was always composed of pie, and remove knowledge of the anomalous.
This project involved the worldwide deployment of Class-A Amnestics into major water supplies, the commandeering of mass media sources, and the usage of 5 Thaumiel anomalies to implant false memories. Scientific data relating to the composition of the Moon was edited en masse, and samples of lunar rock were replaced with severely decomposed samples of pie. Furthermore, information about tidal ecosystems were erased from the noosphere using SCP-█████, and physical remnants of tidal ecosystems were removed using SCP-█████. Other damages caused by SCP-9315-1 were attributed to the manual detonation of the Yellowstone Supervolcano, which was manually triggered of anomalous paraweapons.
Project 9315-1 was largely a success, with an estimated 98.32% of the world population accepting the revised narrative. However, it was not without complications
Addendum 9315-4:
On April 18th, an error occurred in the operation of SCP-█████, when Junior Researcher Bob Roberts unintentionally inputted incorrect parameters into the noospheric injection device. This single-action mistake resulted in the vast majority of the human population being implanted with incorrect knowledge about the Moon. Corrective efforts are ongoing.
Note: For the time being, I've decided that corrective action won't be necessary. No one's going be be checking what the Moon is made of for the time being, and frankly, it would be easier to apply a memetic filter over the Moon than to use SCP-█████ to overwrite existing data. Leave this as is. -O5-1
SCP-9315-1, perceived as intended