Item#: 9737
Level#4
Containment Class:
euclid
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
vlam
Risk Class:
caution
Special Containment Procedures:
At the time of writing, SCP-9737 most likely does not exist. Despite the uncertainty surrounding SCP-9737's manifestation, containment procedures are to remain in effect until the conclusion of project CROSSROADS, or the point of time at which 3 hours have elapsed from its initiation. Any alteration to the following requires direct written permission from Site Director Oginatri.
The remaining containment procedures require level 4 clearance.
ID
72264274d22db228e63abe8578adc0ab_1779110384
PASSWORD
56758e2d1c24fa10ab2ddf48958bb295_1779110384
Logout
SCP-9737 is under direct supervision of Project CROSSROADS, and is liable to fill the position of participant 9. In the case that such an event occurs, it is to be transferred from its cell, whether it currently exists or not, directly to the Site-210 nuclear bunker. If required, usage of a Scranton Reality Anchor is permitted to force SCP-9737 to manifest. Should this remain unsuccessful, SCP-9737 will be caused to manifest directly in the nuclear bunker via a contract with Project CROSSROADS participant 4.
Until the dissolution of its file in accordance with regulations of project participation, SCP-9737 is to be held in 10 standard humanoid containment cells. No cell is within 20 metres of another of the same kind, and only cell C is within 40 metres of a lit room. This is only acceptable due to cell C being the location in which SCP-9737 is determined most likely to manifest at. These cells must only contain one light at the centre of the ceiling, and can only be entered through a reinforced, automatically hermetically sealing door that requires level 4 clearance to open.
Due to our current inability to recreate the circumstances of SCP-9737's creation and agreement to participation, the current protocol for the unintentional neutralisation of SCP-9737 is as follows:
- All information on SCP-9737 is to be archived according to the principle of least discernability.
- The original form of SCP-9737 is to be delivered into SCP-3930.
- WESTBOUND Protocol is to be initiated.
- Following the conclusion of WESTBOUND Protocol, a random affected civilian, as decided by a true random number generator based on measurement of a radioactive isotope, is to be inducted into the D-Class initiative under the number D-7777777.
- D-7777777 is to take the place of SCP-9737 for the purposes of Project CROSSROADS, and be treated as the original entity in all but name.
- Following the conclusion of Project CROSSROADS, D-7777777 is to be terminated. It is the current understanding that this will not trigger the recreation of SCP-9737.
Description:
SCP-9737 may exist. This statement is always true, but simultaneously impossible to verify. SCP-9737 has, for brief and undetermined periods of time, existed. The same can be said of its nonexistence. This is the core concept of SCP-9737; it is the most unlikely item to ever exist.
SCP-9737 has a physical appearance. It is alive, and capable of self-actuated motion. It can speak English. It is, by some reports, human. SCP-9737 was reportedly born in London. It has one, definite, consistent location at any given point in time. Currently, that is inside one of its containment cells.
When SCP-9737 does not exist, it is referred to as "demanifested", and referred to as "manifested" when the opposite is true. Whilst demanifested, SCP-9737 can be interacted with and moved as normal, despite not existing. Additionally, despite not existing, SCP-9737 has no adverse affects on surrounding existence whilst demanifested. No persons who have interacted with SCP-9737 are capable of recalling its characteristics after interaction with it. Thus, the information above and referenced later in the file have been gathered through application of basic logic.
Addendum 9737-a:
The following is a collection of pages from SCP-9737's personal diary.
- Day 3
- Day 8
- Day 11
- Day 20
Do you know why we make the D-Class wear orange? Turns out that its because orange is the only colour with no negative connotations. There's blood red, piss yellow, and when you're sad people say you're "blue". But orange has no real bad connotations to it, so that's what we dress those guys up in. Maybe it has those connotations now - D-Class Duty Orange.
No. Doesn't work.
I lived in London. I lived near Greenwich, just outside it, and I used to go walk in that park right next to the Thames. I had a dog.
Yeah, I had a dog. She had a name, and so did I.
Oh, sorry. It appears I'm not going to be here soon. I'll be back.
After all, I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, Edgar. I know you're reading these. And I know it's annoying you that you don't have the full set. Isn't that crazy, that the anomaly knows it's being monitored? Bet you've never seen that before.
Who am I kidding? Site-210 is stuffed to the waist with all kinds of [ILLEGIBLE] and that's why I don't trust you. Long ass sentence but you needed to hear it.
Oh, and Edgar, before I forget.
Do you even know why you're in charge?
There's a theory I heard a while back, saying that dogs are part of the reason humanity got to where we are today. When we were cavemen, we domesticated dogs to help with hunting. That let us get ahead of other Homo, 'cause we could hunt more, and kill more, and eat more.
Something tells me you don't appreciate that, Edgar.
And that'll be part of your downfall. Maybe mine as well. And to be honest, I'm here for it.I've read the contingency you have for me, Edgar. I know what you're planning, for whichever unlucky soul wins the world's worst lottery. But that needs me to die, and I know I will.
The only question is how long I can survive, to be in your council, and make your life just the slightest bit more unpredictable.
Addendum 9737-b:
The following is a complete log of all tests conducted with SCP-9737.
Exposure Test 01
Subject
One (1) green apple.
Protocol
Apple placed in the space occupied by SCP-9737, in a demanifested state.
Results
SCP-9737 remanifested, and the apple disappeared from the testing chamber.
It feels important to note that an apple was later found outside Lunar Area-32. Wherever it is least likely to be, it is.
- Dr Colman
Exposure Test 02
Subject
One (1) green apple.
Protocol
Apple placed in the space occupied by SCP-9737, in a demanifested state.
Results
SCP-9737 remanifested, and the apple disappeared from the testing chamber. Upon Dr Colman's departure from the observation room, it reappeared on his desk.
And I thought I understood it.
- Dr Colman
Exposure Test 03
Subject
One (1) mouse, of species Mus musculus.
Protocol
Mouse placed in the space occupied by SCP-9737, in a demanifested state. In order to keep it within the perimeter, it is placed in a sealed plastic box.
Results
SCP-9737 remanifested, and the mouse and container disappeared from the testing chamber for 11 minutes. Upon their return, several unidentified anomalies had resulted in the mouse piloting the plastic boxes, which had morphed into a mech suit of size appropriate to the mouse.
Thanks for the mascot, SCP-9737.
- Dr Colman
No problem.
- take a wild guess who
Exposure Test 04
Subject
One (1) male D-Class subject - D-973704.
Protocol
D-973704 ordered to stand in the space occupied by SCP-9737, in a demanifested state.
Results
SCP-9737 remanifested, and D-973704 disappeared from the testing chamber.
Once again, I am confident in my understanding. SCP-9737 displaces objects to wherever we are least expecting the object to be. Not where is least likely. It's a small difference, but notable. Also, the D-Class was sent back to his family home.
- Dr Colman
Interview Log 9737-3:
Interviewed: SCP-9737
Interviewer: Dr Colman
Foreword: It was deemed especially unlikely that SCP-9737 would remain manifested for the full interview, and it was fully expected for it to demanifest partway through. As such, the interview was given the go-ahead.
<Begin Log>
Dr Colman: Hello, SCP-9737.
SCP-9737: Dr Michael Colman. I've heard about you.
Dr Colman: How so?
SCP-9737: You're mentioned in my file. The testing log, about the exposure tests. I left a comment on one of those.
Dr Colman: Ah, yes. I saw that. The way you signed it was… tasteful.
SCP-9737: I'm glad you think so.
Dr Colman: Both of us know that's not what we're here to talk about. I'm going to need to verify some things we've learnt about you, so I will state things I believe to be untrue, and you must inform me if I am correct, and of an alternative untruth.
SCP-9737: I see. You've found quite the way around it.
Dr Colman: By definition, no. If we had, it wouldn't work.
SCP-9737 gives a vague statement of recognition, which is inaudible.
Dr Colman: Firstly, I believe you are not from London.
SCP-9737: How did you guess? I'm also not from outside this universe, but that's a given.
Dr Colman: I believe we can never determine everything about you by basic deductive logic.
SCP-9737: That's a flat lie. The logic needs be no more complex than what you use for the one you don't remember.
Pause.
Dr Colman: I believe you are unable to access files beyond your clearance.
SCP-9737: You're absolutely incorrect. I have, and always will, remain within my clearance levels. You just don't know what my clearance is.
Dr Colman: That is concerning. Despite that, this is the end of the interview. I have nothing more to say.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: SCP-9737 demanifested immediately following Dr Colman's final statement.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ADDENDA ARE LEVEL 4/9737 CLASSIFIED
ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS INFORMATION WITHOUT LEVEL 4/9737 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
Addendum 9737-d:
As of 03/07/2020, the WESTBOUND protocol is no longer to be found in the SCP Foundation archives.
Re:WESTBOUND
To: Site Director Oginatri
From: Dr Colman
Subject: RE:WESTBOUND
Dear Site Director Oginatri,
I hope you remain in good health for this news - the protocol is complete. We've had our best mathematical researchers running in and out of SCP-9737's containment room for weeks, and we've finally derived something perfect.
Of course, due to the nature of the anomaly, an explanation would defeat the object of WESTBOUND Protocol entirely. So, instead, I will tell you an entirely unrelated story. I'm sure you'll understand.
There once lived a man named John. John was a magician, and he had a strange ability; whatever people thought he wouldn't be able to do, he did. If it was believed he couldn't make it to the moon, he would suddenly appear there. If it was believed he wouldn't be in his own home, then that would be where he was. If it was believed that we could never contain him, in any probability, then he would suddenly be contained. The town guard believed as such, and found him in a cell, in the town prison. And the king set out all his best philosophers and physicians, to work out how John could be kept in line. But John was special, because John was perfect for the king's council, and he was thus invited, although it was believed that he'd refuse and never come. As such, he joined immediately.
The king had many uses for John. He could do anything, but he knew one day he would die, because a life like his was uncertain. The only certainty was his end. Distraught, the king set out to replicate his abilities, to find an apprentice for him. So, a soldier was sent out west, to learn the ways of probability from the snake's mouth, and returned with knowledge of that which is unlikely. For the unlikeliest thing was John, and now, it could be harnessed.
Our unlikeliest thing is that a civilian, randomly chosen, would have just previously undergone the same trials which lead to John's ability, and be sympathetic to our cause. We all know, Edgar. It is very unlikely that we make it out alive.
Turn that around for us.
Kindly,
Dr Michael Colman.
Interview Log 9737-5:
Interviewed: SCP-9737
Interviewer: Site Director Edgar Oginatri
Foreword: The interview was initiated at 24:02, on Friday 13th November, 2020.
<Begin Log>
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: Thank you for talking to me, SCP-9737. Did you like that story you found in our archives?
SCP-9737: You think you've worked everything out, haven't you?
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: Absolutely not. I am assured that you have some way to surprise us.
SCP-9737: I'm beginning to see why South hates you.
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: Really? Do you also have a childhood pet I've endangered, 9737?
SCP-9737: You're immature if you think that's why he hates you. That was just the breaking point, the stick that broke the camel's back. And this camel happens to hold quite the grudge.
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: Which comes to why we're talking now. It's unlikely you know this, so I'll inform you. South has been gathering people, like an avalanche, and it's heading for me, for us, for Site-210. A war is coming, between the SCP Foundation and the Serpent's Hand. Or, more specifically, Site-210 and the Mock Council.
SCP-9737: And you want me here, because you think it's unlikely you'll win.
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: Yes.
SCP-9737: I hate you, Edgar.
Site Director Edgar Oginatri: So you're very likely to disobey me?
SCP-9737: Fortunately for you, no.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: This log was never recorded, so it was deemed highly unlikely that the transcription would make it into the SCP Foundation database. As such, it is here.