"You need to eat healthier to make the lizards in your tummy happy!"
Item#: 9969
Level1
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
conscientia
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
caution
SCP-9969-1A under a microscope.
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-9969 being undetectable, SCP-9969 has been deemed unable to be contained. Foundation Staff are encouraged to follow PROTOCOL-9969-1 to aid in the neutralization of SCP-9969's effects.
- CLOSE PROTOCOL-9969-1
Foundation personnel suspected of hosting an instance of SCP-9969 in them, should immediately attempt to replace foods known as "ultra processed" with healthy alternatives.
Examples of these replacements
ULTRA-PROCESSED FOOD
ALTERNATIVE FOOD
Potato chips
Baked vegetable chips
Soda
Lemon water
White bread
Homemade wheat bread
Pizza
Tortilla with tomato sauce and skim cheese
Artificially-flavored cheese crackers
Apple and cheese slices
Description: SCP-9969 is a species of asexually-reproducing microscopic organisms resembling lizards living in human stomachs. SCP-9969 has a mutualistic relationship with humans, where humans provide a safe place for the species to live in, while SCP-9969 helps break down food brought into the stomach by passing it through their own bodies.
Instances of SCP-9969, known individually as SCP-9969-1, are unable to be detected by medical scans. After the death of a host, instances of SCP-9969 are briefly detectable as they enter their reproductive phase. There, they exit the host's body, implant within a food item, and divide into clones to await a new host.
Instances of SCP-9969 have the capability of human speech from their time spent with humans, and have been observed mimicking the speech patterns of their previous hosts.
Discovery: SCP-9969 was discovered through hospital biopsy reports showing miniature bite marks in the inner lining of the patient's stomach. It was seen that most of these patients already had a history of health problems correlating with heavy consumption of ultra-processed food.
After it was confirmed to possibly be an anomalous phenomenon, the Foundation began their own investigation where they would perform biopsies on the bodies of Foundation personnel who had passed with similar symptoms as the original patients. This led to the discovery of SCP-9969-1A, an instance residing within the stomach of senior researcher Mary Collins.
Interviewed: SCP-9969-1A
Interviewer: Dr. Asterion
Foreword: After the discovery of SCP-9969-1A, it was found quickly to be able to communicate in human speech, leading to a request from Dr. Asterion to interview the anomaly using an ultrasonic microphone.
<Begin Log, 05/10/2███>
Dr. Asterion: Hello, SCP-9969-1A, you can call me Dr. Asterion. I hope you find the accommodations set for you at the moment to your liking. I understand it is not your preferred way of habitation, but I hope it's only temporary while we figure things out.
SCP-9969-1A: All good Champ! I've never been on these kinds of things before so, I'm excited!
Dr. Asterion: I am very glad to hear that you are excited. Just for the record, may I get your verbal permission to record this interview?
SCP-9969-1A: Sure dude, I give you all the permission.
Dr. Asterion: Perfect then! I guess first things first, if you prefer living in human stomachs, why go out of your way to harm your host?
SCP-9969-1A: Harm— as in?
Dr. Asterion: The bite marks in her stomach were presumably from you, correct?
<There is a moment of silence before SCP-9969-1A responds>
SCP-9969-1A: Oh right! I was just a bit fussy, I didn't mean no real harm by it! Those nips were simply warnings for her! Maybe if she listened to them she wouldn't be dead.
Dr. Asterion: That is… awfully harsh. Why the disdain towards your host?
SCP-9969-1A: Eh? It's not that I hated the human. But she's was clearly killing herself — and me by extension — by eating this absolutely digustingly, oily, and greasy kind of food!
Dr. Asterion: Well, if her medical records say anything. I assume it was specifically ultra-processed food you dislike?
SCP-9969-1A: If that's what you all call them. Either way, I do not like it one bit! Can't digest that stuff!
Dr. Asterion: Right. Was there any other kinds of food you felt particularly digusted at?
SCP-9969-1A: Not as much as I hate— What was it called again?
Dr. Asterion: Ultra-Processed foods.
SCP-9969-1A: Not as much as I hate ultra-processed foods. There were a couple of times where my hosts would eat stuff that was pretty much inedible! I hated that too.
Dr. Asterion: Do you have an example of these foods?
SCP-9969-1A: Thinking back on it, there was the sawdust bread. It wasn't just a small bit either, there was so much sawdust in there! Oh and lots of my past hosts ended up eating moldy or rotten things! I gave them all a little nip then too!
Dr. Asterion: That seems to line up with those foods being eaten for necessity. Do you remember the years you saw these foods the most?
SCP-9969-1A: Sorry, but no. I don't even know what year we are in now. All I know is that this kind of thing has got to stop!
Dr. Asterion: That's alright and I understand. I will go ahead and do my own research. Thank you for your time, and agreeing to this interview.
SCP-9969-1A: Of course! You have a good day there, doctor!
<End Log>
Addendum, 7/10/2███: After the interview with SCP-9969-1A, Dr. Asterion conducted research on the history of the food examples given by the anomaly. This research specifically looked at situations where instances of SCP-9969 may have been present.
From:
To:
CC:
Subject:
DrAsterion@scp.int
DirEverett@scp.int
none
SCP-9969 neutralization
After doing the proper research on the foods SCP-9969-1A gave me, I found that they are definitely connected to economic crises and famines, which could very well have also been affected by SCP-9969. I have attached a table illustrating what I have noticed in this email.
Sawdust bread
French revolution
The price of bread had risen rapidly due to monetary policies and it was cheaper to put dust in the bread.
Rotten pigs
Great famine
Food scarcity meant they had to eat anything, even rotten food. The famine due to a bad harvest was only worsened by the government refusing aid.
Molded food
Various points through history
Famine exists everywhere, and there is no way to help everyone.
Despite this research, I find there might not be a possible way to neutralize the effects of SCP-9969 without taking many economic systems down. I worry trying to do something big will be costly and ineffective in what we want to do here.
Dr. Asterion
Foundation Researcher
Secure, Contain, Protect
Addendum, 11/10/2███: After discussion between members of the O5 council of what could be done to keep SCP-9969 calm, it was found the cheapest and most effective method would be to place emphasis on eating healthier in places the Foundation can reach their power to. As well as placing a new protocol for personnel to follow.
Interviewed: SCP-9969-1A
Interviewer: Dr. Asterion
Foreword: Dr. Asterion has requested to discuss with SCP-9969-1A to let them know of what the Foundation will do for it and other instances of SCP-9969.
<Begin Log, 12/10/2███>
Dr. Asterion: Hello again SCP-9969-1, I hope you are still doing well. I am here to tell you what we decided to do for you, and the rest of your species.
SCP-9969-1A: Oh! Yeah, I am still doing good! What did you do?
Dr. Asterion: I sent an email to the higher ups in the Foundation about the food situation with you, as well as my own insight on it.
SCP-9969-1A: I'm sure you had great insight on it, but what was the lovely people up there’s response?
Dr. Asterion: The most we can do is to get the places we have power over to start to put up health notices.
SCP-9969-1A: More things I don't know about, what are the notices?
Dr. Asterion: They are specifically posters and charts giving advice on what people’s diets should look like. As well as alternatives to the ultra-processed foods people may be eating, which you mentioned your species hated in the last interview.
SCP-9969-1A: And this will change things for the others in my species?
<Dr. Asterion looks pensively at their documents.>
Dr. Asterion: Well, it will change things for you and it may change things for some of them.
SCP-9969-1A: Some? Just some? Why can’t it be all of them?
Dr. Asterion: I’m sure you understand that you are impossible to detect, add that to the fact that we do not know the amount of humans you have all spread to. For all we know, your species could be in every human on Earth.
SCP-9969-1A: So? Make all the humans eat better!
Dr. Asterion: We can’t just force every human to eat food we consider healthy or acceptable for you. Especially when those foods are so expensive for the average person.
SCP-9969-1A: Then why not try to bring the prices of those foods down? Seems like a simple solution to all those issues you got.
Dr. Asterion: Well, it’s not that simple.
SCP-9969-1A: I feel like it is. Fix the reason those things are expensive and we won’t be a bother no more! Plus, humans get better stuff for less!
Dr. Asterion: Again. It is not that easy. We would have to risk taking the system of multiple countries down to do that.
SCP-9969-1A: Then why not just do it? Take it down I mean.
<Dr. Asterion stays silent.>
SCP-9969-1A: Come on, there's got to be more you can do for us! Humans are dying by these foods and we are rightfully a bit miffed about having to digest them too!
Dr. Asterion: I don't believe–
SCP-9969-1A: The Foundation you work for, ain't it huge and powerful or something?
Dr. Asterion: We still have a budget. What you suggest would take a monstrous amount of money and time.
SCP-9969-1A: Even if it did, wouldn't it be better to spend that money saving humans who can't get the good stuff? I assumed through the interactions I have had here that helping people was why this place existed, was I wrong?
<Dr. Asterion pauses before suddenly standing up from their chair.>
Dr. Asterion: I will contact the director about getting you a new host. Thank you for your time.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: After this transcript was processed, SCP-9969-1A was placed in the stomach of Foundation personnel, Nadia Allram, who has agreed to follow PROTOCOL-9969-1.
Addendum, 15/10/2███: Inspirational posters, pyramid food charts, and informational graphs have all been put up around various Foundation sites.