Item#: 9667
Level2
Containment Class:
euclid
Secondary Class:
{$secondary-class}
Disruption Class:
{$disruption-class}
Risk Class:
{$risk-class}
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9667 cannot be reliably contained due to its nature of spontaneous manifestation. Foundation efforts are to focus on monitoring rather than containment. Personnel are to comply with SCP-9667's requests where reasonable. Staff are not to interfere with SCP-9667's investigation unless it poses a risk to Foundation security or civilian/staff safety, as interference with SCP-9667 has been observed to delay the demanifestation of the instance.
Updated 13/03/20██: Cooperation is allowed, but secondary independent audits are mandatory. Personnel involved in SCP-9667-resolved cases must undergo follow-up evaluation after 30–90 days.
An image of SCP-9667
Description: SCP-9667 is a 19 cm (7.5 in) long South American Hercules beetle (Dynastes hercules) that consistently identifies itself as a detective.
SCP-9667 manifests with an approximately 5.08 cm (2 in) long brown-and-tan checkered deerstalker affixed to the top of its horn and is observed smoking a 2.54 cm (1 in) pipe. The mechanism by which SCP-9667 is able to smoke remains unknown, as members of its species lack the respiratory anatomy required for such behavior. The origins of its accessories are likewise unknown. SCP-9667 instances are sapient and fully capable of speaking English consistently with a posh British accent. SCP-9667 mannerisms resemble a late 19th-early 20th Century era detective.
The parameters that determine SCP-9667's manifestations are not entirely understood, however, all cases surrounding its manifestation have had all these factors in common:
- SCP-9667 manifests exclusively within North America and Europe. No instances have been recorded on other continents.
- A “mystery” or unresolved case is present, most commonly criminal in nature.
Upon manifestation, SCP-9667 instances have shown an immense passion for solving all cases it encounters, including criminal cases, family disputes, and others. The entity demonstrates to have prior knowledge on previous manifestations and may reference such manifestations despite no known continuous existence between events. Upon the conclusion of the associated case or mystery SCP-9667 will demanifest.
Addendum.9667.1: Incident Log 9667.03
Date: 20/08/20██
Location: Site-19, Junior Researcher Office Wing
Involved Personnel: Junior Researcher Earl Robinson, SCP-9667
Forward Junior Researcher Earl Robinson was looking to find a misplaced document file detailing that month's research status.
«BEGIN LOG»
10:43 - Junior Researcher Earl Robinson reported hearing a “clearing of the throat” from atop his filing cabinet. SCP-9667 manifested moments later, seated upon a stack of unfiled personnel reports.
SCP-9667: Ahem.
[SCP-9667 adjusts its crooked hat to align with its horn.]
Robinson: [Audibly startled, pushing his chair back] What—? How did you get in here? This is a restricted office—
[Robinson pauses for a second, before speaking into the office intercom.]
Robinson: Security, I need— is that a beetle?
SCP-9667: Ah! Not just a Beetle, I am a detective. The Beetle is just incidental. Now then, I have heard there is a document amiss that has been neglected in this office, is it not?
Robinson: Yes. It’s missing. It’s important. And this is really not a good time. Secu—
SCP-9667: Ah! Have no fear, classic case of misplacement. Far more treacherous than theft, yet immeasurably more common.
[Robinson hesitant, lowers his hand from intercom.]
10:45 - SCP-9667 hops off the cabinet, scurries across the floor, and begins inspecting a disposal bin.
SCP-9667: Would you happened to know what this is?
[SCP-9667 presents a standard disposable coffee cup.]
Robinson: Its just a coffee cup. I don't see how this helps.
SCP-9667: Patience, dear sir. Every clue no matter the size reveals the path to the truth.
10:47 - The instance sniffs around the bin, tapping the edges with its smoke pipe as if it were interrogating it.
SCP-9667: Aha! The scent of negligence, don't worry the people in Munich have the same problem as well.
10:48 - SCP-9667 scurries over to a stack of documents on Robinson's desk before picking a single document amongst the pile.
SCP-9667: A victim of carelessness… coffee… and Columbian roast.
[SCP-9667 nudges the documents toward Robinson.]
Robinson: How- did you even find this?
SCP-9667: Elementary, my dear Robinson. The paper reeks of coffee, and it's covered with the residue of such spillage. Now, do mind the beverages around your paperwork.
10:50 – SCP-9667 removes its hat, nods once towards Robinson, and demanifests. The pipe and hat vanish simultaneously, leaving behind a brief odor of smoke.
«END LOG»
After the incident testing proposals involving forced or artificial manifestation of SCP-9667 have been accepted due to containment efforts being pushed to maintain the veil of normalcy.
Addendum.9667.2: Testing Log
Test ID
Purpose of Test
Results
Conclusion
9667.A
Induce a manifestation from SCP-9667 by fabricating a story surrounding a missing stapler.
SCP-9667 did not manifest after 72 hours.
Junior staff involved reported a strong feeling of being "watched", later determined to be paranoia.
9667.B
Request manifestation verbally via written notice describing a fabricated case and inviting SCP-9667's assistance.
Note was later found annotated with a request, "Please don't request for my assistance for your fabricated plots." No manifestation was recorded.
SCP-9667 does not respond to direct summons or invitations.
9667.C
Produce manifestation by constructing multiple minor mysteries within Site-19.
No manifestations occurred. Site-19 experienced a 23% administrative errors due to staff distraction.
Quantity of mysteries does not compensate for lack of authenticity.
9667.D
Escalated mystery severity by falsely reporting a disappearance of a classified low risk anomaly.
SCP-9667 manifested briefly (approximately 5 seconds), verbally reprimanded personnel for "manufacturing a scenario," than demanifested before containment efforts could be executed.
SCP-9667 is more intrigued with anomalous related cases, and capable of detecting contrived investigations and will disengage.
Addendum.9667.3: Incident Log 9667.07
Date: 10/09/20██
Location: Site-44, Human Resources Mediation Suite
Involved Personnel: SCP-9667, Technician Oliver Brown, Researcher Hazel Florence, HR Mediator Marcus Fleance
Forward: After repeated complaints, relating to multiple machine configuration changes. Researcher Hazel Florence accuses Technician Oliver Brown of tampering with the research equipment settings. HR Mediator Marcus Fleance was dispatched to end the situation.
«BEGIN LOG»
Brown: I am DONE with this! All these scientists keep getting in the way of my job, accusing me of tampering with their machines.
Florence: [Provoked] I wouldn't need to bother you in the first place if you weren't tampering with the equipment I need for my research.
Fleance: Alright everyone please cal—
14:07 - SCP-9667 manifests atop a padded divider separating the mediation table. SCP-9667 is observed brushing lint from its deerstalker and already smoking its pipe.
SCP-9667: Ah. Quite a frivolous debacle we have here.
Fleance: [Backing away from the table.] Oh, God—
Florence: —Marcus, I have read the file relating to this SCP and we are to comply with its whishes.
Fleance: [Hesitant] Alright…
14:11 - SCP-9667 pauses mid-step, it points towards the shared research logs on the table.
SCP-9667: I need those files, they will lead to an unobscured perception to the truth.
[Florence grants the files to SCP-9667.]
SCP-9667: [The entity starts to review the document, before pointing to the research protocols.] Here lies your tale: not sabotage, not malice… merely. A common culprit in the halls of science, simple error of judgement, yet far less dramatic than accusation.
Fleance: So… you’re saying no one acted deliberately?
SCP-9667: Precisely. The mystery, however, was not the act but the perception of intent. Elementary error, but compelling to witness.
[SCP-9667 scurries along the desk knocking over a stack of sticky notes which scatter across the table, as if it were inspecting every surface.]
Brown: [Muttering] So… we're just suddenly… all wrong, somehow I always become the villain just because I get upset.
SCP-9667: Ah. You would be wrong Mr. Brown, the true culprit of this case is not one's flame of anger. On the contrary, it is mere disorganization. Yet, in its wake, seeds of suspicion take root. I trust clarity now reigns. My work here is done, for truth is resolved.
14:18 - SCP-9667 demanifests. The smell of pipe smoke lingers faintly in the room.
«END LOG»
Following repeated proposals to intentionally engineer circumstances to attract SCP-9667, the Ethics Committee approved a supervised interview during a naturally occurring manifestation.
Addendum.9667.4: Interview Log
Interviewed: SCP-9667
Interviewer: Dr. Helen Marrow, Ethics Committee Liaison
Date: 08/10/20██
Location: Site-19
Forward: SCP-9667 manifested due to an unresolved internal dispute regarding the possible theft of Foundation equipment. Ethics Committee Liaison Dr. Helen Marrow was dispatched on scene to take advantage of the limited opportunity to interview SCP-9667.
«BEGIN LOG»
Dr. Marrow: Thank you for, uh… agreeing to speak with us.
SCP-9667: My dear doctor, when one is already present at the scene of the crime, conversation is merely another clue waiting to be uncovered.
Dr. Marrow: You've made it clear you hate… Lets say "fabricated" cases, why do you hate them so much?
SCP-9667: [Slowly exhales smoke.] Ah. You mean the art of manufactured negligence. Mysteries are not born from the confines of a lab. They arise when truth is obscured, diverged from the straight path-by accident, emotion. Attempt to fabricate that, you already poisoned the evidence.
Dr. Morrow: You've appeared here several times now. Can you explain how you manifest?
SCP-9667: [Chuckles] If I knew that with certainty, I imagine your organization would already confine me to a little box. Let us say I go where my services are… needed.
Dr. Morrow: Needed by whom?
SCP-9667: By the mystery itself. Mysteries are dreadfully lonely things if left unattended.
Dr. Marrow: And if your conclusion is wrong?
[SCP-9667 slowly exhales smoke.]
SCP-9667: My dear doctor—wrong answers invite correction. Certainty does not. The truth is rarely a straight path, sometimes it merely appears to be one once I’ve passed through and gave my enriching oversight.
[SCP-9667 adjusts its hat.]
SCP-9667: Now then, Doctor—if you'll excuse me—someone in security has confused incompetence with malice.
Dr. Marrow: Please wait, I just have a few more questions. I guarantee you these questions won't take too long.
SCP-9667: Except there isn't more time we can waste. The mystery must be solved.
[SCP-9667 takes off its hat gives a bow and demanifests.]
«END LOG»
Addendum.9667.5:
Ethics Committee Post-Manifestation Analysis
Following multiple document SCP-9667 manifestations involving internal Foundation disputes, the Ethics Committee conducted a review of Foundation personnel's behavior in cases where SCP-9667 concluded an investigation and demanifested:
Involved Personnel demonstrated a statistically significant reduction in:
- Willingness to pursue further inquiry.
- Expression of moral uncertainty regarding outcomes.
Site staff frequently described the matter as:
- "settled."
- "Something that no longer felt worth investing in."
- “One of those things that only seems complicated before you understand it.”
No reports indicated disorientation, distress, or perceived reconsideration to disengage from further inquiry. Staff expressed confidence that discontinuing further investigation was a rational conclusion.
Addendum.9667.6: Incident Log 9667.10
Date: 14/11/20██
Location: Site-19, Foundations Accounting Division offices
Involved Personnel: SCP-9667, Senior Accountant Ruth Adler, Junior Analyst Daniel Calder
Forward: Following an internal dispute detailing the delayed allocation of departmental funds. Initial concern was raised after multiple project leads reported unexplained small funding deficits despite approved budgets. Senior
«BEGIN LOG»
Adler: This is interesting.
Calder: What's interesting?
Adler: Well, this doesn't line up. [Adler turns her monitor toward Calder. Several spreadsheets are open, highlighting minor discrepancies across multiple departmental budgets.] Each inconsistency has been authorized by Department Head Assistant Binks.
Calder: That's quite odd, the department budgets had already been set when he authorized them.
14:22 – SCP-9667 manifests atop the edge of Adler’s desk, brushing ash from its pipe into a paperclip tray.
SCP-9667: Ah. Numbers, my dear colleagues; They do love to whisper when one listens closely.
14:23 – SCP-9667 peers at the spreadsheets displayed on Adler’s monitor, tapping the glass rhythmically with the stem of its pipe.
SCP-9667: Curious… very curious. See how the numbers bend, yet never quite break? That is not the signature of greed.
Adler: [Frowning] You don't think it was intentional?
SCP-9667: [Irritated] Of course not, my dear accountant! The art of intent leaves dirty fingerprints behind. This leaves smudges. Smudges of fatigue.
[SCP-9667 hops down from the desk upon some papers, which fell onto the floor prior. Walking across several printed expense reports. It pauses atop a highlighted column.]
SCP-9667: [Muttering to itself.] Clearly cases of repetitive mistakes, untidy documents… Yes, yes, the solution lies there, somewhere beneath this. So simple, so clear. [Bursting aloud.] See here we observe repetition without escalation [points one of his legs towards the column.] The numbers are modest. A thief would be bolder.
Calder: So what are we looking at?
SCP-9667: [Smug] Incompetence, Mr. Calder. It is incompetence compounded by exhaustion, of course. The culprit is not doing this out of spite, but rather, a fate familiar to all: disorganization resulting from the exhaustion that comes from many hours that pass by on the job.
Adler: I still don't think you understan—
SCP-9667: [Clearly upset] —I don't think this frivolous questioning adds anything, but a means to speculation. I will hear none of it! You can dig into the dirt in the ground all you want. You will find nothing expect the obvious foot steps, I have left prior.
Adler: I see what you mean now. I didn't mean to offend you.
SCP-9667: I believe we’ve solved this riddle, and now it’s time for me to take my leave.
14:29 – SCP-9667 vanishes in an instant, leaving only a faint trace of smoke.
«END LOG»
Personnel involved described the resolution as “satisfying,” “clean,” and “unexpectedly reassuring.”
Addendum.9667.7:
Ethics Committee Final Report
Date: 13/03/20██
In incident 9667.10, SCP-9667 identified the cause of the resource misallocation as,
"incompetence compounded by exhaustion." Three months later, independent Ethics Committee investigation into department fund delays uncovered deliberate redirection of funds by Department Head Assistant Binks. Who was promptly reprimanded. The activity involved used falsified authorization, as the same patterns identified in incident log 9667.10.
Personnel involved in the SCP-9667's investigations expressed surprise at the findings. None reported prior suspicion following SCP-9667’s involvement and closure into the matter. When asked why no follow-up had been initiated, Junior Analyst Calder stated:
“It didn’t feel like there was anything left to question.”
Closing Notes:
At present, it remains undetermined whether SCP-9667 failed to identify deliberate misconduct, chose not to pursue it, or considered its identification irrelevant to the originating mystery. In result of the newly uncovered information SCP-9667's containment procedures have been revised accordingly.