stickgame
HarryBlank's Hockey Proposal: The Puck Drops Again
Item#: SCP-9687
Level6
Containment Class:
keter
Secondary Class:
declassified
Disruption Class:
ekhi
Risk Class:
notice
Ice hockey.
Special Containment Procedures: The inherently inaccurate and self-serving nature of local history already serves to conceal SCP-9687 from the general public.
Description: SCP-9687 is an historical discontinuity in the origins of modern ice hockey. Reliable primary source material indicates simultaneous invention in the following Canadian locations:
- Délı̨nę, Northwest Territories;
- Halifax, Nova Scotia;
- Kingston, Ontario;
- Montréal, Québec.
This discontinuity cannot be explained by parallel invention, as each historical narrative is mutually exclusive and verifiably correct in every detail.
Addendum 9687-1: The document appended below was discovered in the offices of the Department of Temporal Anomalies, provenance unknown.
RECONSTITUTION REPORT
Your friends at Goldbaker and Associates are pleased to report that your client reality has been successfully reconstituted following the recent BK-Class "Ontological Breakdown" Scenario (hereafter the "Event"). This represents the extent of G&A's response to your Claim, minus the resolution (if any is required on our part) of the following Action Items for your review.
ACTION ITEMS
Ontological re-knitting was achieved through the application of "patch" ontology, repurposing "hanger-on" fragment reality structures to fill the gaps preventing your client reality from recohering. Reconstruction was then achieved at the atomic and memetic level, achieving an estimated 99.999999992% accurate simulacrum of pre-Event continuity. At the conclusion of this process, G&A's self-verifying Mobius Well™ paratechnology noted the following continuity errors:
- ERROR 000001 - Modern ice hockey appears to have been invented in four different places simultaneously.
If you consider these errors to be critical, and wish to escalate the matter to a higher representative, please indicate as much within a window of three (3) universal timeline cycles.
This document was forwarded to the Legal Department for interpretation. Preliminary response appended below.
On the subject of the alleged policy/claim: we have no record of either being filed.
On the subject of the alleged injury/remedy: we have no evidence of either taking place.
On the subject of hockey: who cares?
Sheldon Katz, Esq.
Legal Department