Koscheiisms
If you can read this, you're reading this!
There are currently 1,568 instances of SCP-9868 in use by the Foundation.
Item#: 9868
Level3
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
efla
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
warning
Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-9868 are to be handled with care and used to procure only the following:
- Anomalous items;
- Office buildings or other workspaces;
- Items outside of the budget of the Foundation;
- Pertinent research;
- Human cooperation
The usage of any SCP-9868 instance is to be approved by Dr. Simon Webster.
A roll of SCP-9868.
Description: SCP-9868 is a series of small, red stickers created by Dr. Simon Webster and Researcher Elaine Parker between 2005 and 2008. When SCP-9868 is applied to an object, ownership of said object is transferred immediately to Dr. Simon Webster or Rsr. Elaine Parker, depending on who produced it. Upon removal of SCP-9868 from the object's surface, the object ceases to be owned.
The original batch of SCP-9868, numbered one through 100, was the accidental byproduct of an experiment performed by Dr. Webster, during which he attempted to create a nöospheric name tag. After realizing the mistake, Dr. Webster began to test SCP-9868 as an independent entity.
During the process of its creation and refinement, information around SCP-9868 and its applications changed quickly. Relevant test logs are included for clarity as to its current properties.
There are currently 1,568 instances of SCP-9868 in use by the Foundation.
SCP-9868-1 TEST LOG
27/5/2005. Footage recorded by Dr. Simon Webster. He is in the breakroom of Site-(site), standing in front of the refrigerator. He holds SCP-9868-1, still attached to its paper backing.
WEBSTER: Okay. Is this recording? I hope this is recording.
WEBSTER waves his hand in front of the camcorder.
WEBSTER: This is the first test of my new toy, taped for posterity's sake. If it works how it should, then…well. I don't want to jinx it.
WEBSTER opens the refrigerator and focuses the camcorder on its contents.
WEBSTER: Let's see. No, no, not really, expired. Ooh, Jessica's got fried rice?
WEBSTER places the camcorder on a nearby counter, facing the wrong direction. For a few seconds, only the doorframe is visible; WEBSTER picks up the camcorder and turns it back to the refrigerator.
SCP-9868-1 is stuck to the lid of a Tupperware, next to a piece of tape labeled JESSICA in bold letters. The camcorder swings to WEBSTER's face. He is grinning.
WEBSTER: Let's see how this one goes.
End.
Result: Rsr. Jessica Landers was interviewed shortly after the placement of SCP-9868. She claimed to not have packed a lunch, even after seeing the Tupperware with her name on it. Rsr. Landers firmly believed that the Tupperware and its contents had always belonged to Dr. Simon Webster.
Following the initial success of SCP-9868-1, Dr. Webster continued with the production of SCP-9868-2 through SCP-9868-5.
SCP-9868-5 TEST LOG
2/4/2005. Footage recorded by Dr. Simon Webster. He is standing in the same breakroom. The camcorder is pointed at his shoes.
WEBSTER: Test number five. These things work like a charm so far, so I figured I'd push the limits this time around. See what it can really do.
WEBSTER leaves the breakroom, camcorder panning up to show a largely empty office
WEBSTER: <Whispered.> You think Aubrey'll give me that keyboard of hers?
WEBSTER begins to head towards a desk. Working at the desk is a young woman, identified as Dr. Aubrey McKinsey. She types on a mechanical keyboard. A number of keys have been hand-painted with floral designs. He points the camcorder at her face.
WEBSTER: Hey, Aubrey. What're you working on?
MCKINSEY: What's with the camcorder?
WEBSTER: Don't worry about it.
MCKINSEY moves to block the camcorder with her hand. WEBSTER backs up.
WEBSTER: Woah, woah! I'm just taking some videos. Gonna edit them all together to some music, really boost the morale around here.
MCKINSEY: Great.
WEBSTER: Nice keyboard, by the way.
MCKINSEY: This is the third time today you've come over here to bother me about this. Are you okay?
WEBSTER: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just thought I'd give you something to add to it. Spruce it up, maybe.
MCKINSEY: I thought you liked it the way it is.
WEBSTER reaches into his pocket and pulls out SCP-9868-5. He quickly peels it off of its paper backing, then holds it over the keyboard.
WEBSTER: What do you think?
MCKINSEY: There's no way in hell you're putting that ugly thing on my-
WEBSTER presses the sticker onto the side of the keyboard. MCKINSEY appears stunned for a moment, then resumes.
MCKINSEY: I think you can put whatever you want on your own damn keyboard, Simon. Can I get back to work now?
WEBSTER: Holy shit.
End.
NOTES: Shortly after this encounter, Dr. McKinsey borrowed a keyboard from Site-17's IT department, expressing confusion about how she'd been working without one.
Three days after this encounter, Dr. Webster recieved the following email from Researcher Elaine Parker.
From:
To:
CC:
Subject:
eparker@scp.int
swebster@scp.int
none
Testing in Office?
Dear Dr. Webster,
I've noticed a number of unusual stickers appearing around the office recently, all on your personal items. I don't intend to intrude, but I was wondering if they're a part of any current research or if they'll be removed? I haven't heard anything about it, so I figured I'd reach out since they're all on your stuff.
Thank you for your time!
Elaine Parker
Foundation Researcher
Secure, Contain, Protect
Dr. Webster did not respond to this communication. No tests of note occurred between the usage of SCP-9868-5 and SCP-9868-14. The testing of SCP-9868-14 marked the first instance in which a sticker was used outside of Site-17.
SCP-9868-14 TEST LOG
3/1/2005. Footage recorded by Dr. Simon Webster. The camera points at the opening of a Spencer's gifts, located inside a local mall.
WEBSTER: Check your calendars, folks. It's April Fools' Day, which means a few harmless pranks are in order.
WEBSTER approaches the store's entrance, lowering his voice as to not attract suspicion from the mall's patrons.
WEBSTER: It's also my birthday soon, not that anyone's counting.
WEBSTER approaches a shelf stocked with graphic t-shirts, sorting through them until he finds one in his size. Audible snickering is heard as WEBSTER heads towards the sales counter. While walking, he sticks SCP-9868-14 to the shirt's tag.
WEBSTER: <Muttered to himself, barely audible.> This is the last time I use a sticker for a prank, then I'll figure out how to make a few more of 'em.
WEBSTER places the shirt on the counter and begins conversing with the store clerk, identified later as 19-year-old Dale Kimmerman.
WEBSTER Hey, man. This is $15, right?
KIMMERMAN: The shirt?
WEBSTER: Yeah, the shirt. It has this weird sales tag on it, but I don't know if that changes anything or whatever.
KIMMMERMAN picks up and examines the shirt, noticing the presence of SCP-9868-14 on its tag.
KIMMERMAN: Dude, I'm not helping you with whatever prank shit you're trying to pull off.
WEBSTER: What are you talking about?
KIMMERMAN: I'm not selling you your own shirt.
WEBSTER: It's not my shirt yet!
KIMMERMAN: Look, I don't care that it's April Fools, and you're being a real piece of work. Take your camcorder out of my face and leave.
WEBSTER: I just want to buy a shirt, man. I don't understand why you're being so rude.
KIMMERMAN hands the shirt to WEBSTER.
KIMMERMAN: You're too old for this kind of stuff.
END.
NOTES: Dr. Webster took pride in the actions of this video, and showed both the video itself and the shirt to multiple of his colleagues, including Researcher Elaine Parker. His colleagues expressed confusion at the content of the video, and none appeared to find it funny. After being put through the laundry by Dr. Webster, SCP-9868-14 fell off of the shirt. An anonymous researcher reported the video to Site-17's IRB; Dr. Webster was fined 15 USD to make up for the cost of the shirt.
The evening after Dr. Webster showed his video around the office, Researcher Elaine Parker reached out with a second email, reading as follows:
From:
To:
CC:
Subject:
eparker@scp.int
swebster@scp.int
none
re: Testing in Office?
Dr. Webster,
Apologies for reaching out again, but I've spoken to some colleagues about the video you showed today, and we've been left with a few questions. First of all, do you find that specific shirt to be funny?
Second, do the stickers have some sort of anomalous effect? In my last email, I'd implied them to be benign, but it seems more and more clear that there may be something out of the ordinary.
If there are any answers that you are willing to share at this time — or, if this is a research project for which you'd like an assistant — please contact me here or at my desk.
Thank you for your time!
Elaine Parker
Foundation Researcher
Secure, Contain, Protect
Dr. Webster neglected to reply to this email, and later placed an instance of SCP-9868 on
Rsr. Parker's morning coffee. The motivation behind this action remains unclear.
No tests of note occurred between SCP-9868-16 and SCP-9868-87, although the scale of items acquired grew over the course of multiple months. During this testing period, Dr. Webster expressed increasing anxiety over his dwindling supply of SCP-9868, stating in his laboratory notebook that he "wasn't sure how to make the same mistake again."
SCP-9868-88 marked a notable deviation from Dr. Webster's previous testing.
SCP-9868-88 TEST LOG
6/11/2005. No footage is appended. The following notes were recovered from Dr. Simon Webster's personal notebook.
Stole a house today. It was interesting to see how fast everyone moved out once I got the sticker on the front door. I'll have to figure out a way to glue on there so it doesn't fall off. Maybe I could paint over it.? [sic]
I feel like I'm wasting these things. They're fun, but they've got no real purpose.
I think someone packed a sandwich today. I'd love a sandwich.
The remaining text from 6/11/2005 has been omitted for reasons of irrelevance.
NOTES: SCP-9868 was painted over one week after the building's acquisition, which did not seem to alter its efficacy.
At the end of the month, and for twenty-three subsequent months until the sale of the building, Dr. Simon Webster was contacted to pay property tax. Although he made the first payments on his own, the remainder were financed by Site-17's research department after Dr. Webster claimed to be studying the anomalous effects of the building.
After this test, the usage of SCP-9868 expanded to include the procurement of anomalous items for research purposes.
On 12/11/2005, the following note was discovered on Rsr. Parker's desk, attached to the screen of her monitor. These notes were taken after a brief project which Rsr. Parker had undergone under the guidance of Dr. M. Laurel, a memeticist at Site-17.
Nöospheric entanglement — conceptual linking?
(Could lead to new form of marriage in which concepts of two people are tied?)
Grocery list: - Eggs - Milk
After the discovery of this note, along with confirmation that Rsr. Parker had general knowledge in regards to the function and application of Nöospheric technology, Dr. Webster sent her the following email:
From:
To:
CC:
Subject:
swebster@scp.int
eparker@scp.int
none
re: re: Testing in Office?
Researcher Parker,
I appreciate the initiative shown over your past two emails. Your assumption is correct — the stickers do have anomalous properties.
Given your interest in the project, I've set aside ten stickers for testing. Should you still wish to participate, stop by my office today, and we can make sure everything is set up for you to join as a research assistant.
Simon Webster
Foundation Doctor
‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.’ — Winston Churchill
This exchange marked the beginning of Rsr. Parker's official collaboration.
Using a combination of semiotic spectroscopy and CRISPR technology on SCP-9868-90 through SCP-9868-100, Dr. Webster and Rsr. Parker were able to recreate and significantly refine SCP-9868 properties. A transcript of Rsr. Parker's paper on the matter can be found below:
The main issue with these things is that we're still operating off of the old name thing. The concept of the object is tied to the concept of your name, not to the concept of you as a person. In theory, this shouldn't pose much of a problem, but in practice, names are squishy things. What if you changed your name, or started going by a nickname? What about all the other Simon Websters out there in the world? Do they own these things, too?
So you have to go deeper. Find out what makes a person a person, and then tie the ownership to that. If you didn't know what you were talking about, your first assumption might be that ownership should be tied to the soul. This is exactly where you'd go wrong. "Souls," in the way that one would think of them, don't exist.
What does exist is beliefs. Everyone believes something about themselves — I believe that I'm intelligent, that I'm married, that I work for the Foundation. As much as my belief describes tangible fact, these tangible facts are shaped by my belief in them.
This is where the magic happens. Instead of a simple link, in which, for example, the concept of "Table" is tied to the concept of "Simon Webster," the link goes both ways. Now, if I were to put a sticker on a table, the table would become mine because the sticker would strengthen the collective belief that the table belongs to me.
Belief makes it sound like a rather voluntary process, which isn't the case, but trying to explain the mechanics would be far too complex. Of course, if you'll refer to Addendum 1,
The remainder of the paper has been removed for brevity. During the refining process, the glue on SCP-9868's backing was made stickier.
On 10/1/2006, Dr. Webster and Rsr. Parker began to test SCP-9868 on living organisms.
SCP-9868-101 TEST LOG
10/1/2006. Footage recovered from CCTV cameras located inside a Site-17 laboratory.
Rsr. ELAINE PARKER and Dr. SIMON WEBSTER stand in front of a cage containing five Rattus norvegicus domestica. PARKER holds SCP-9868-101 through SCP-9868-106, all attached to their paper backing. WEBSTER holds a laboratory notebook and mechanical pencil.
WEBSTER: Are you ready?
PARKER nods and reaches into the cage, removing one lab rat and placing it into a smaller, isolated cage. The rat appears fairly docile, but reacts with mild agitation to being moved.
PARKER: What was this one named again?
WEBSTER: Dunno. You're the one who named them. I voted for just numbering them, but—
PARKER: Oh, this one is Cookie Dough! See, he's got the little spots all over him.
WEBSTER taps his pencil against his lab notebook.
WEBSTER: Elaine?
PARKER: Yeah. Right.
PARKER pulls SCP-9868-101 from its backing, then carefully applies it to a small shaved patch on "Cookie Dough"'s underbelly.
PARKER: And…we have touchdown.
Five seconds after the application of SCP-9868-101, "Cookie Dough" stiffens, then begins to squeak loudly, attempting to force itself through the bars of the cage. Its eyes are dilated.
WEBSTER: Holy shit.
PARKER: Poor guy. I don't think he likes it very much.
WEBSTER: He's your rat, isn't he? Pick him up and give him a kiss on the head or something.
PARKER: I'm not kissing a rat.
WEBSTER: I've seen the picture of your husband on your desk enough times to know that's not true.
PARKER disregards WEBSTER's commentary and reaches into the cage, careful to avoid "Cookie Dough"'s teeth. As soon as she picks up the rat, its agitation calms significantly, entering into a tranquil state.
PARKER: Oh. I guess he likes me.
WEBSTER: Try and peel the sticker off.
PARKER: Do we have enough data from him?
WEBSTER: I'd say so. We've got bigger plans for the next few rats anyways.
PARKER: Great. To the rat C'mere, little guy. Let's get this thing off of you, alright?
PARKER reaches for the sticker. The rat immediately returns to its previous state of agitation, with an express focus on protecting its stomach and the sticker from PARKER's grasp.
WEBSTER: What the hell?
PARKER manages to grab hold of the edge of the sticker, pulling it off and crumpling it up. The rat claws for a few more seconds, then goes stiff. It appears to be in a state of catatonia, and has no reaction to any external stimulus. It is still breathing.
PARKER: Oh my god.
WEBSTER: Put it back in the cage.
PARKER: Should I put a new sticker on it?
WEBSTER: Nope.
PARKER, who appears to be in a state of shock, places the rat into the independent cage.
PARKER: Now what?
WEBSTER: Now we wait to see what happens to him.
PARKER does not respond, but continues to stare at the rat.
WEBSTER: Are you ready for the next rat, Elaine?
END.
NOTES: Testing on living organisms was postponed for three days while Dr. Parker sought counseling through Site-17's medical center. "Cookie Dough" made a full physical recovery; it continued to display an apathetic mood and self-injuring behaviors until it was eventually euthanized.
The test logs for SCP-9868-102 through SCP-9868-106 have been omitted from this documentation at the joint request of Dr. Simon Webster and Rsr. Elaine Parker; in summary, the results remained consistent with that of SCP-9868-101.
During this time, Rsr. Parker used SCP-9868 to acquire the following:
- A down jacket;
- A vial of insulin;
- One bag of chips;
- Dr. Webster's floral keyboard.
On 13/2/2006, Dr. Webster received authorization from Site-17's IRB to test SCP-9868 on D-1285. Rsr. Parker declined to participate in this testing; after the testing concluded, she reviewed the footage and consolidated Dr. Webster's notes.
SCP-9868-122 TEST LOG
3/1/2005. Footage recovered from CCTV cameras located within a lab at Site-17. Dr. WEBSTER and D-1285 sit across from each other at a small table.
WEBSTER: Thank you for collaborating with us on this, 1285. I'd hope you rest easier knowing what you've contributed to the field.
D-1285 avoids eye contact with WEBSTER. He places SCP-9868-122 on the table between them.
WEBSTER: What we're doing today is pretty straightforward. I'm going to take this, and I'm going to stick it on your arm. Then, you're going to answer a few questions for me, and we'll see about taking it off. Sound good to you?
D-1285 nods, but does not make eye contact.
WEBSTER: Alright, then.
WEBSTER stands and walks around the table, rolling up the sleeve of D-1285's jumpsuit. He places SCP-9868-122 on D-1285's bicep. D-1285 stills for a few moments, then reaches out to clutch WEBSTER's arm. D-1285's eyes are dilated, alongside increased rate of respiration and pulse.
D-1285: Don't leave me.
WEBSTER: Woah, woah! Let go of my arm, 1285.
D-1285 continues to hold WEBSTER's arm and moves closer to him.
D-1285: Don't leave me, please. I don't want you to be mad at me, Doctor.
WEBSTER: I'm going to be mad if you don't let go of me.
D-1285 immediately drops WEBSTER's arm, backing as far away from him as possible while visibly tearing up.
D-1285: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't want you to be upset. Please don't get upset with me.
WEBSTER: I'm…not upset. I just need you to answer a few questions for me, alright?
D-1285 nods vigorously.
WEBSTER: How do you feel about me?
D-1285: I think you're great, Doctor. Can I call you Simon? You might be the greatest thing ever, Simon.
WEBSTER: You can call me Simon. Second question, who would you say you belong to?
D-1285: Hm. I'd say that, if it would make you happy, then I belong to you.
WEBSTER: Good answer. You're doing a very good job 1285.
D-1285 beams in joy.
WEBSTER: Just a few more things. Can you do a jumping jack for me?
D-1285 does a jumping jack.
WEBSTER: Great. Hop up and down on one foot?
D-1285 hops up and down on one foot.
WEBSTER: Stop now. Can you crawl around on the floor?
D-1285 drops to hands and knees and begins to crawl on the concrete flooring.
WEBSTER: Perfect. That's all I needed from you, 1285. Stand up. You're welcome to take the sticker off now.
D-1285 visibly recoils.
D-1285: Why?
WEBSTER: Because the test is over?
D-1285's lower lip begins to wobble.
D-1285: Do you not want me anymore, Simon?
WEBSTER: No. The test is over.
D-1285 begins to cry.
D-1285: Did I do something wrong?
WEBSTER: No, but like I said, the test is over. You can leave.
WEBSTER crosses the room and reaches for SCP-9868-122. D-1285 bares her teeth, still crying.
D-1285: Back off! You can't take it from me. I won't let you take away what we have.
WEBSTER: What? We don't have anything. This is just an experiment.
D-1285 cries harder. WEBSTER makes another attempt to remove the sticker.
WEBSTER: Just let me have it!
WEBSTER pulls SCP-9868-122 from D-1285's arm. She cries out in pain, then drops to the floor in the fetal position.
WEBSTER leaves the room. Footage continues for 43 minutes. D-1285 does not move.
END.
NOTES: None.
In the days following, Dr. Webster performed testing on:
- D-1285;
- D-1286;
- Four additional lab rats
One week after viewing the footage and submitting relevant notes to Dr. Webster, Rsr. Parker contacted him via email.
From:
To:
CC:
Subject:
eparker@scp.int
swebster@scp.int
none
Talk to me.
Simon,
I know you've been ignoring me. I'm not upset. I just want to know what our plan is going forward. Please find me when you have the time.
Elaine Parker
Foundation Researcher
Secure, Contain, Protect
Testing of SCP-9868 on living organisms ceased until 12/11/2007. Notable procurements via SCP-9868 by Dr. Simon Webster during this period include:
- A timeshare in the Florida Keys;
- A Rolex Datejust 36;
- Numerous bottles of liquor;
- A window office
Notable procurements via SCP-9868 by Rsr. Elaine Parker during this period include:
- Multiple bags of dog food;
- Four bottles of OPI nail polish;
- A ten-pack of cotton t-shirts;
- One pair of patent leather heels
On 1/7/2008, Dr. Simon Webster distributed 134 instances of SCP-9868 to jobseekers at a local career fair. This action was not sanctioned by Site-17's hiring department or IRB. Although footage of this event exists, due to its repetitive nature, only the first interaction has been included in this documentation.
JOB FAIR
3/1/2005. Footage recovered from CCTV cameras located within a convention space in a nearby hotel. Dr. WEBSTER stands behind a booth containing a sign labeled Southerland Computational Performance, numerous brochures bearing the same name, and a pile of SCP-9868.
A graduate student, later identified as KAREN MCARTHUR, approaches the booth. MCARTHUR is visibly nervous. WEBSTER reacts with enthusiasm.
WEBSTER: Hello!
MCARTHUR: Um, hi! I saw your sign and, um, I'm studying computer science and I've been looking for an internship so I thought I'd come over. Do you do internships?
WEBSTER: We usually like to start with introductions at Southerland. My name is Dr. Simon Webster. Yours?
MCARTHUR flushes and begins to pick at her nails.
MCARTHUR: Of course, sorry. I'm Karen, well, Dr. McArthur soon, hopefully.
WEBSTER: Well, it's nice to meet you, Karen. Why don't you take a look at one of our brochures?
MCARTHUR nods and grabs a brochure from the table. WEBSTER watches her as she reads.
MCARTHUR: Looks interesting. And, uh, you do offer internships, right?
WEBSTER: Yup.
He reaches over to the brochure and points out a relevant portion of text.
MCARTHUR: Yes! Right. Well, that's great to hear. Thank you for your time.
WEBSTER palms an instance of SCP-9868.
WEBSTER: Of course. It was nice to speak with you!
He reaches across the table to shake her hand, sticking SCP-9868 to her palm. Immediately, she stills.
WEBSTER: It would make me very happy if you'd call the number on the back of the brochure tonight to schedule an interview, Karen.
MCARTHUR nods vigorously.
MCARTHUR: Of course, Dr. Webster.
END.
NOTES: They've got a purpose now. We've solved our hiring problem.
Three jobseekers, photographed shortly before SCP-9868 was applied by Dr. Webster.
This interaction, or some variant thereof, occurred 133 additional times. No interviews were scheduled; instead, personnel reported directly to Site-17 the following day to begin work. This mass hiring marked a large increase in Site-17's staff. Nearly 75% of Dr. Webster's department is currently staffed by junior researchers acquired using SCP-9868.
On 1/12/2008, Rsr. Elaine Parker confronted Dr. Webster in his office.
SCP-9868-506 INCIDENT.
1/12/2008. Footage recovered from a CCTV camera located within Dr. WEBSTER's office. Rsr. PARKER enters without knocking, holding a manila folder. She sits down across from him.
PARKER: Simon.
WEBSTER: Researcher Parker.
PARKER: Don't "Parker" me right now. You know what I'm here to talk about.
WEBSTER: Did the medical tape in the breakroom run out?
PARKER: Why, exactly, do we need medical tape in the breakroom?
WEBSTER makes direct eye contact with PARKER, leaning closer to her across the desk. He is smiling.
WEBSTER: For the satisfaction of our new employees.
PARKER: Employees? Is that what you're calling them?
WEBSTER: What would you rather call them? They're here during the day, they work their hours, and then I send them home at night. They receive a paycheck, they can put it on their resumes…
WEBSTER trails off.
PARKER: Can they leave? If they decide they want to work somewhere else, can they leave?
WEBSTER: Can you?
PARKER: Oh, real slick. Your counterargument to unethical hiring practices is to point out that everyone else here got hired under the table.
WEBSTER: Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying, Elaine.
PARKER: That doesn't matter.
WEBSTER: Yes, it does. It cuts out the middleman.
PARKER: The middleman?
WEBSTER: The interviews, the resume screenings, the amnesticizing of families, all of the shit that we don't have the personnel for in the first place.
PARKER: Right. So you thought "Oh, I'll make a bunch of half-person zombies because no one wants to work for me," is that it?
WEBSTER: They want to work for me.
PARKER: They don't want anything! You took that from them. They're just your loyal dogs now. One step below a hivemind.
WEBSTER: They still have independence, you know. Researcher Hollowell has taken quite the interest in fuseball.
PARKER stares at WEBSTER in silence.
WEBSTER: I know you're here for a reason, and I'm very busy. Can you please just get it over with?
WEBSTER gestures to the folder.
PARKER: Fine. I thought I'd give you the chance to look over this before I submit it for official documentation. You know, since I care about you having a say.
PARKER hands WEBSTER the folder. He thumbs through it, occasionally grimacing or shaking his head.
WEBSTER: I appreciate that you've compiled all the test logs so…neatly, but I believe this is going to need a few edits before we can make it official.
PARKER: What kind of edits?
WEBSTER pulls SCP-9868-506 out of a drawer in his desk.
WEBSTER: First of all, since you seem to want to sever your involvement, I figure it'll be better to have just one name on the paper.
PARKER stands from her chair, reaching across the table to grab SCP-9868-506. WEBSTER stands as well, dodging her grasp and holding the sticker out of her reach. PARKER grabs the folder, clutching it to her chest and backing up towards the door.
PARKER: I never said I didn't want to be involved, I asked to be involved, I just don't think this is right.
WEBSTER: You've made that very clear.
WEBSTER begins to approach her with the sticker.
PARKER: If you get any closer to me, I'll scream.
WEBSTER: Why?
PARKER: It's my research too. You can't just take my name off of it because you're mad that I—
In one swift motion, WEBSTER peels SCP-9868-506 from its backing and attempts to place it on the manila folder. He misses. SCP-9868-506 is firmly attached to the back of PARKER's hand.
PARKER: You piece of shit.
WEBSTER freezes in shock. PARKER drops the folder on the ground as her body goes stiff. WEBSTER reaches for SCP-9868-506.
PARKER: Don't take the goddamn sticker off!
WEBSTER stares for a moment, then pats PARKER on the shoulder and picks up the manila folder.
WEBSTER: Fine, then.
He turns to leave.
PARKER: Wait, wait, no. You can't leave, Simon, please. Please come back, please, I need you to help me, I need—
WEBSTER closes the door to his office, leaving PARKER inside.
END.
NOTES: Rsr. Elaine Parker is provided with psychotherapy once weekly, and has been allowed to keep her position of employment as a researcher at Site-17. The only person with whom she has continued contact is Dr. Simon Webster. Rsr. Parker's former husband declined to comment on her condition, opting instead to be amnesticized.
SCP-9868 remains in use as of 2026.
File accessed.
Item#: 9868
Level3
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
efla
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
warning
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9868 is to be stored in the top drawer of Dr. Simon Webster's desk. Instances of SCP-9868 are to be handled with care and used to procure only the following:
- Anomalous items;
- Office buildings or other workspaces;
- Items outside of the budget of the Foundation;
- Pertinent research;
- Human cooperation
The usage of any SCP-9868 instance is to be approved by Dr. Simon Webster.
A roll of SCP-9868.
Description: SCP-9868 is a series of small, red stickers created by Dr. Simon Webster between 2005 and 2009. When SCP-9868 is applied to an object, perceptual ownership of said object is transferred immediately to Dr. Simon Webster. When anyone is exposed to the object, they will immediately be able to identify that it belongs to Dr. Webster, regardless of who owned it before the application of SCP-9868. Upon removal of SCP-9868 from the object's surface, the object ceases to be owned.
There are currently 510 instances of SCP-9868 in use by the Foundation.
Relevant test logs are included below to highlight the scope of Dr. Webster's achievement.
SCP-9868-1 TEST LOG
DATE: 27/5/2005
TEST: Dr. Simon Webster applies SCP-9868-1 to an unclaimed and expired meal, located in the second floor breakroom refrigerator of Site-17. Dr. Webster then asks colleagues to identify the owner of the meal.
RESULT: Out of fifteen colleagues polled, fifteen correctly identified the meal as belonging to Dr. Simon Webster.
This was a proof of concept. To see nöospheric entanglement produce this result remains delightful to this day. - SW
Following the initial success of SCP-9868-1, Dr. Webster continued with the production of SCP-9868-2 through SCP-9868-5.
SCP-9868-5 TEST LOG
DATE: 2/4/2005
TEST: Dr. Simon Webster applies SCP-9868-5 to a keyboard donated by Site-17's IT department for testing purposes. Two days after placement, Dr. Webster returns to the IT department with the keyboard and asks who it belongs to.
RESULT: IT department employees correctly identified SCP-9868-5 as the property of Dr. Simon Webster.
It was a nice keyboard. I'm glad they had extras. - SW
No tests of note occurred between the usage of SCP-9868-5 and SCP-9868-87. Usage of SCP-9868 expanded to include the procurement of anomalous items for research purposes.
SCP-9868-88 TEST LOG
DATE: 6/11/2005
TEST: Dr. Simon Webster applies SCP-9868-88 to the exterior wall of an abandoned house, located 160 kilometers from Site-17.
RESULT: At the end of the month, and for twenty-three subsequent months until the sale of the building, Dr. Simon Webster is contacted to pay property tax.
A great demonstration of SCP-9868's staying power! - SW
No further tests of note occurred until 1/12/2008. Dr. Simon Webster was attempting to acquire an object for Foundation experimentation. While attempting to place SCP-9868-506 on the aforementioned item, Dr. Webster was blocked by ██████, leading to the placement of SCP-9868-506 on the back of their hand.
Although SCP-9868 had become widespread throughout the Foundation, it had yet to be tested on humans. Dr. Webster, seeing an opportunity amidst tragedy, wrote of the experience in a test log.
SCP-9868-506 TEST LOG
DATE: 1/12/2008
TEST: Dr. Simon Webster applies SCP-9868-506 to the hand of █████.
RESULT: █████ holds Dr. Webster in extraordinarily high regard. █████ experiences continuing psychological distress at the thought of being looked down upon by Dr. Webster, or of removing SCP-9868-506 from its person. To accommodate normal activity, SCP-9868-506 is held to the back of █████'s hand with medical tape, changed often to ensure constant skin contact.
████ is provided with psychotherapy once weekly, a position of employment as a researcher at Site-17, and Dr. Webster's personal phone number.
Following this incident, Dr. Webster produced four more instances of SCP-9868, each used for the further acquisition of anomalous objects.
No instances of SCP-9868 have been produced since 1/30/2008.