Item #: SCP-9874
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9874 is to be always kept in Dr. Marriane’s office. (Why my office, I have no clue.) While destruction of SCP-9874 is unfortunately banned due to containment guidelines, security of SCP-9874 is among the lowest of all contained anomalies. The precise origins of SCP-9874 are unknown, but it was discovered after being delivered in an unmarked package to the Department of Documentation at Site-44. I almost wish we just burnt the package.
Description: Okay, you know what? I’m not even going to continue with this document like this is a professional piece of work. I’m absolutely done trying to save face. I’m going to lay out the cold hard facts here, because I doubt this document will even be proofread prior to being posted as an official entry. This might be the worst anomaly in existence. I hate this thing.
It doesn’t even do anything interesting. It came with like 80 crappy cassettes and it plays all of them perfectly fine. The ONLY anomalous trait about this stupid thing is that it plays a cassette of “I am the Walrus” by The Beatles that came with it backwards inexplicably. It’s not an issue with the tape or the recorder. We checked. Sure, that IS anomalous. But it’s so lame that I do not know why they felt the need to put me in charge of “RESEARCHING” it. No matter how many fucking cassettes we put in this thing, they all play completely normally, except for that one, singular copy of that stupid Beatles song I’ve listened to over a hundred times.
I almost wanted to quit because of this thing. Do you know how many Taylor Swift songs came with it in that box? Over 30. I had to listen to all of them ALMOST FIFTEEN TIMES EACH. I used to be indifferent to Swift’s music. But after that torture? I can’t even look at the poster Dr. Rosswell keeps in her office without feeling like I’m going to flip out and punch something.
I’m serious, I think the Foundation is trying to make me quit. They usually do everything they can to make you NOT quit, but is this what they do to the people they dislike??? It would be SO much better to just fire me than endure this. I hate this thing so much. I hate every moment I am forced to look at it. Pressing the buttons on it to open it and put a cassette in makes my fingers feel filthy and like I want to gnaw them off in sheer anger. And no, I’m not overreacting, before you. Yes, YOU. Cast judgement on me. YOU just haven’t had the pleasure of spending a 7 hour workday PUTTING CASSETTES INTO A CASSETTE PLAYER AND LISTENING TO HORRIBLE MUSIC.
You know what? That's it. I'm done.
Log 9874-6
5/16/2021
Testing Head: Dr. Lukas Marriane
Procedure: Inserted cassette tape labeled “I am the Walrus: The Beatles.” 1st attempt.
Result: Cassette tape played music backwards with no apparent cause. Further investigation of both the tape and the player indicated there was no reason for this to occur. First anomalous detected activity, and as of today, the only activity.
NOTES: I finally found something interesting! I knew they put someone like me on a case like this for a reason! I’m certain this investigation will get more interesting. I’ll make them proud.
Log 9874-48
6/30/2021
Testing Head: Dr. Lukas Marriane
Procedure: Inserted cassette tape labeled “Blank Space: Taylor Swift.” 4th attempt.
Result: Cassette tape played music normally. No abnormal activity.
NOTES: It’s been an awful long while since I started this. I gotta be honest, I hate this piece of shit. I don’t even care anymore. I’m more pissed off why they’re keeping me on this.
Log 9874-783
1/3/2022
Testing Head: Dr. Lukas Marriane
Procedure: Inserted cassette tape labeled “Back to December: Taylor Swift.” 52nd attempt.
Result: Still no anomaly. Why would there be.
NOTES: I just can’t take this anymore.
Log 9874-2-1
3/22/2022
Testing Head: Dr. Harold Butch
Procedure: Inserted cassette tape labeled “The Beatles: I am the Walrus”
Result: Cassette tape played music backwards with no apparent cause. Still occurring.
NOTES: They found Dr. Marriane dead in his office. Apparently this thing drove him to… well. Intense measures. I don’t particularly mind though. This is such an easy job, I have no clue why he didn’t just slack off. They don’t even read these things. I’ll just play on my phone all day and make up testing logs. Not like anything will be different. It’s a shame I need to keep the player near me though. Bit of a hassle.
Log 9874-2-57
5/1/2022
Testing Head: Dr. Harold Butch
Procedure: Inserted cassette tape labeled “The Beatles: I am the Walrus”
Result: Cassette tape played music backwards with no apparent cause. I wonder how many times I can just copy and paste this here.
NOTES: This is gonna sound weird but I’m not lying. I don’t think Dr. Marriane was overreacting in the document. I barely have even looked at this thing but I’m so just… pissed off at it. I can see it when I close my eyes. I hate it so damn much.
Maybe if I start putting cassettes in there I’ll find something Dr. Marriane didn’t. There has to be something special about this thing, right? There has to be.
Collapse File
Note from O5-3: I'm begging you all to stop the neglect on this file. Contrary to what you all might believe, this is in fact pretty damn important to keep under the radar. We've had three people manage to bypass the security, which is blatantly irresponsible management.
SCP-9874 protocol was last updated: 3/12/2026.
Successful applications:
Dr. Lukas Marriane
Dr. Harold Butch
Dr. Henry Baker
Lt. Jessica Woo
Dr. Jeremiah Ronalds
Dr. Sarah Rosswell
Sgt. Leonard Jarod
Dr. Macy Hayyes
Dr. Penelope Carmine